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Yipper raised his hairy eyebrows.
“An emo-damper? That’s a major enhancement, so it is, so it is. Are you sure a far seeing ocular wouldn’t suit you better? Or maybe a new arm—punch right through solid plasti-steel so you could, so you could. Or what about multi-jointed legs or some collapsible wings? Flying all over you could be.”
“I don’t need to fly or punch through solid steel or see any farther than I already can,” Garron growled. “I need to get a handle on my emotions and the sooner the better.”
Yipper shook his head. “Emo-dampers are delicate and dangerous. We usually install them just before a new warrior comes out of the incubation pods. A damper installed after the flesh has already knit together is unreliable unless done properly. So it is, so it is.”
“How unreliable?” Garron demanded.
“Only one has been implanted with long term success and that was in one of the Dark Ones—the Enhanced.”
“The Dark Kindred, you mean?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, so they are called by some.” Yipper nodded at the two standing at the bar. “It was in Six, there actually—I did his implant myself. But he came to us as an adolescent, so he did, so he did. You are a fully grown.”
“I only need it to work in times of great stress,” Garron said. “But I need it soon. My name day is coming up and I am in danger of changing into…something else. Something not safe for Tess to be around.” He nodded at her as she took another sip of the foaming green drink.
Yipper frowned, which caused his entire long, furry face to look as thought it was collapsing into itself.
“You will change into something else? This I have never heard of. May I ask what kind of Kindred you are?”
“I am half Raiku,” Garron said, reluctantly, Tess thought.
“A new kind of Kindred!” Yipper clapped his little hands together excitedly. “I knew it! So, I did, so I did! Tell me more of the other half of your heritage, please!”
Garron frowned but complied with the request.
“The Raiku hail from Pax, a planet in the Silverbeam system. The males there turn into ravenous, dangerous creatures called dr’gins. I have such a creature in me and I do not wish to let it out.”
“And emotions bring it closer to the surface? So they do, so they do?” Yipper asked, staring at him intently.
Garron nodded. “Exactly. If I can control my emotions, I should be able to control my dr’gin. Enough to keep it inside, at least during my name day. After that—after the danger is past—I don’t mind feeling again as long as I can control my emotions periodically when they get too strong.”
But Yipper was shaking his furry head.
“You seem to have a misconception, so you do, so you do. An emo-damper is not temporary—nor is it a switch you can turn off and on. Once it is implanted, it is for life. If it is working properly—and I will be certain that it is—you will never feel any kind of emotion again. No, you won’t, no you won’t.”
“What?” He had Tess’s full attention now. “You’re saying it’s permanent—he can never take it out and he’ll never feel anything again? Not hate or joy or sadness or…or love?”
“I am afraid not.” Yipper looked mournful. “A sad life, so it is, so it is. I have always thought so, anyway. Yet many choose it. All of the Enhanced who live below on the surface have chosen so because the Collective demands it. That is why the Dark Ones feel nothing—it is part of being Enhanced. Emotions are a crime, so they are, so they are.”
Tess didn’t know what the Collective was and she didn’t care. She only knew that if Garron went through with getting this emotion-damper implant, he would never feel again. And if he didn’t feel anything for anyone…Go on and say it—admit it, whispered the little voice in her brain. If he doesn’t feel anything for anyone he’s not going to care about you. Is he now, sweetheart?
“Garron,” she said, turning to him. “This is awful. You can’t go through with it!”
“I must.” He didn’t look very happy about it but there was an expression of determination stamped on his strong features. “There’s no other way.”
“There has to be!” Tess objected. “You can’t give up feeling anything ever again just because you’re worried about one single day! Go off on your own on that day—on your name day. Let whatever happens, happen.”
“You don’t understand.” His voice was low and intense. “You cannot because I haven’t fully explained.”
“Perhaps you would like some privacy?” Yipper asked tactfully. “May I show you to a guest room? You can talk about it, so you can, so you can. I will prepare the implant just in case and you can let me know your decision in the morning.”
“That sounds good,” Tess said quickly. She looked at Garron. “Is that okay with you?”
“Well…” He frowned. “The way my emotions have been fluctuating lately…”
“If your dr’gin starts coming out, I’ll help put him back in the box,” Tess promised quickly. “Please, Garron, just take a night to sleep on it. This is a big decision—it will affect the rest of your life.”
He sighed and looked at Yipper. “All right. Show us to the guest rooms then.”
“Very good, very good.” The Tolleg nodded and scrambled nimbly off his barstool. “Follow me, follow me.”
He led them out of the bar, taking a different route than the glass tube that had brought them there. As they left, Tess threw one last glance over her shoulder at the Dark Kindred sitting at the bar. As if he felt her eyes on her, the one Yipper had called Six, turned to stare back.
Tess dropped her eyes quickly. But she couldn’t help imagining Garron looking at her with that same, cold, impassive glare. She shivered. He couldn’t do that to himself—couldn’t give up all his emotions.
Could he?
Chapter Twenty-nine
“Okay, can you please explain to me why you feel like you have to get this done?” Tess asked, the moment they were alone in the vast guest room decorated in silver and blue wall hangings. “I mean, I know it’s not really my business but you brought me here with you and I thought…thought maybe there was something between us.”
“There is,” Garron said in a low voice. “For me, anyway. I wasn’t sure how you felt.”
“How could you not be sure?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips. “After the way you touched me the other night? The way you made me…” She broke off, a deep blush spreading over her pale cheeks. “I mean, I just…I wouldn’t have told you what I told you or let you…do what you did if I didn’t feel for you.”
“I feel for you too, lin’del. Too much.” Garron sank down on the side of the large sleeping platform and put his head in his hands. He could feel his dr’gin rising with the strong emotions this conversation was bringing up and he had to will it back down by force. “Much too much. Which is why this is so damn hard.”
“Why do it, then?” she demanded. “Why not just come back home with me—back to Earth—and go up in the mountains on your name day. Let your dr’gin come out if it wants to. Run around and hunt some deer or whatever and then come back once it’s all tired out and you’re ready to change back.”
“I wish it was that simple.” Garron took a deep breath, struggling with his dr’gin. “I truly wish it was, but it’s not.”
“Why not?” Tess asked. “Please tell me—I really want to know. Because if you do this, Garron, if you take this implant, then that’s it. It won’t matter if I feel for you because you won’t feel for me anymore. You’ll look at me the way that Six guy did—like I was a bug you wouldn’t mind squashing.”
“No, I won’t!” Garron rose and began to pace around the room. “I could never look at you like that—never be so heartless.”
“Of course you could—if you have no feelings!”
Tess was looking more and more upset. The sharp scent of her worry and anxiety caused his dr’gin to shift restlessly within him. Their female was in danger, it informed Garron. Som