Devoured Read online

  Her body registered the fact that she was safe before her mind did. Even before she made a conscious decision to do so, she felt herself sag against his broad chest as her body went boneless and she finally relaxed.

  “It’s all right,” Garron rumbled, stroking her hair and back. “Everything is all right. You just had a bad dream.”

  “Yes. I…should have warned you I have them from time to time.” She drew away from him a little and swiped at her eyes again. “I’m sorry if I freaked you out. That’s…not the most pleasant way to wake up, I know.”

  “It doesn’t sound like whatever happened in the dream was pleasant either.”

  “Well, that’s why they call them nightmares, right?” Tess tried to laugh but it came out as more of a sob.

  She’d had bad dreams about Pierce ever since she left him. Sometimes he was chasing her and she tried to run but her feet kept getting stuck to the floor. Sometimes he was screaming in her face while she was tied to the bed and she couldn’t shield herself from his angry blows. But this one—this half dream/half memory—was the worst. The one she dreaded the most. Why did it have to be the dream she had the first night she slept in Garron’s arms? Not that they were more than friends or anything but still…The big Kindred probably thought she was crazy now.

  “I’m sorry,” she said again, trying to sniff back the tears. “I just…it was a bad one. I should…I think I’ll go sleep on the couch. That way if it comes back I won’t wake you up again.”

  “No. Absolutely not.” He took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes, his face filled with concern in the dim room. “You’re going to stay here with me and tell me about the dream.”

  “What? No!” Tess shook her head. “It was nothing—silly. Really, let’s just forget it.”

  He frowned.

  “My people believe that dreams hold significance—either for the past or the future. This isn’t something to just shrug off, Tess. You need to tell me about it—make me understand so I can help you if it comes back again.”

  “Why should you want to help? Why do you care?” she demanded. Planting both palms on his broad chest, she pushed him away, reclaiming her space. “You made a vow to honor your deceased fiancé, remember? And I’m on the run from my psychopath ex. We’ve both got too much baggage to get involved so why bother?”

  “Because we’re already involved,” he said in a low voice. “At least, I am. I do not know about you.”

  Tess bit her lip, her anger suddenly dying.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Tess…lin’del…” He took a deep breath. “I have been trying to honor my vow—trying to remember Nella and everything she meant to me for so long that…” He sighed. “Well, I think I lost sight of the present and the future by always looking to the past. She was beautiful and I loved her with all that was in me. But…she is gone. Gone, never to return.”

  “I’m sorry,” Tess said, feeling bad. “Sorry for your loss.”

  “So am I. But I cannot live in the past forever. You…Tess, you’re here with me now. You’re warm and curvy and beautiful…” His hands described an hourglass in the air. “So damn beautiful it makes me ache to look at you.”

  “Oh…” Tess whispered. “I…thank you.”

  “I’m only speaking the truth of my heart.” He put a fist to his chest. “I hope it doesn’t frighten or distress you.”

  “No, I just…don’t know exactly where you’re going with it,” she said.

  “I don’t either.” He spread his hands. “I only know that I want to be with you—to protect you, to shelter you, to hold you. So please…” His deep voice dropped to a gentle tone. “Would you tell me about your dream?”

  “I…” Tess sighed. “All right, I will. But you may wish you hadn’t asked. I wasn’t kidding when I said I had a lot of baggage.”

  “I’m listening,” he said simply. He went up to the head of the bed, propped a pillow against the antler headboard and leaned back against it. After a moment’s hesitation, Tess followed him.

  “I don’t suppose Di told you what finally made me leave Pierce for good?” she asked.

  He shook his head. “She said it wasn’t her story to tell.”

  “Okay, right. That sounds like Di.”

  “Is that what the dream is about? The reason you left?”

  Tess nodded. “Yes, and it’s not pretty. God, how can I say this?”

  “Just say it,” he murmured. “Just tell me, Tess.”

  “All right, fine. You asked for it.” She took a deep breath. “About six months before I left him, Pierce got it into his head that he wanted to start a family…”

  * * * * *

  Garron listened quietly as she spoke, taking in every word, watching her lovely face for signs of tears. There were none at first—Tess spoke in a clipped, mechanical voice, sounding like the robotic being she had been pretending to be when he first met her at the Pairing House. It was as if she was trying not to feel, trying not to let the past reach out and swallow her whole as she told him her story. Having suffered abuse growing up, Garron completely understood.

  “So Pierce wanted a family,” she said, looking down at her hands. “I don’t know why. Maybe he thought a baby would tie me down more—like I could be any more tied down than I was.” She gave a dry, unhappy laugh that hurt Garron’s heart to hear. “I had no say in the matter, of course. Pierce made all the major decisions—even the ones that had to do with me. Especially the ones that had to do with me.”

  She paused for a moment and he wondered if he should say something. But it seemed she was just gathering her thoughts—or maybe gathering her courage to tell him more. Instead of speaking, he reached for her hand. Tess looked at him briefly and he was afraid she might pull away. He was ready to let her go if she wanted him to—after everything she had been through he would never hold her against her will. But to his relief, she only froze for a moment…then slowly entwined her fingers with his. Then she went on.

  “Anyway, he took my birth control pills—medicine that keeps you from getting pregnant—and flushed them down the toilet. He made me watch,” she said in that same, mechanical voice. “Then he fucked me.”

  Garron held his tongue, but with difficulty. He squeezed her fingers briefly and Tess glanced at him again.

  “It wasn’t like that,” she said quickly. “It wasn’t rough or anything. It was just…one of my duties. My wifely duties.” She gave that unhappy laugh again. “It didn’t matter how I felt about it—if I was in the mood or not—if I was sick. None of that made a difference. Every night it was the same thing—quarter past nine, time to fuck. Time for Pierce to fuck, anyway. I was supposed to lie there and look at the ceiling and not move or make a sound. I was just a receptacle—just a way for him to get off.”

  Garron couldn’t be silent anymore. “But that’s—”

  “Wrong? Selfish? Mean? Yeah, all of the above.” Tess sighed. “But that’s the way it was with him.”

  “But it’s stupid,” Garron growled. “Why should he be allowed to enjoy the act and not you?”

  “Because, according to Pierce, even though a dutiful wife gives it up for her husband every night, only a slut or a whore would actually enjoy it.” She looked down at her hands. “Pierce got so angry if I showed any kind of pleasure at all. Not that it was very pleasurable, lying there getting nailed to the mattress every night but still, I wasn’t allowed to show any emotion. If I did, he…” She cleared her throat and looked away. “He ‘punished’ me.”

  “He hit you,” Garron said flatly. “Beat you.” It made sense now—the fear he smelled on her whenever she got aroused. After years of being subject to such abuse, she had doubtless come to associate any outward display of desire or sexual interest with swift and immediate pain.

  Tess nodded briefly. “Right. But anyway, we’re getting off the subject.”

  Garron squeezed her hand again, trying to keep his face calm though inside he was angry for her—so angry.