Seeing with the Heart Read online

  “So you can see,” he said harshly. “I thought you told me your sight was fading?” He sounded almost accusatory, as though her new vision was some kind of a crime.

  “I thought it was,” Molly exclaimed. “I mean, it was fading in the darkness and I thought…” Her words trailed off as the full impact of what she was saying suddenly hit her. “I can see,” she whispered, looking around her with fresh wonder. “Braxx, I can really see. Not just blobby gold and red heat vision—I can actually see everything now!”

  “So I gathered,” he said shortly, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

  “I thought I was dreaming,” Molly whispered, still staring around the unfamiliar alien landscape. “Because of all the colors being wrong. But they’re not wrong for Tal’os Trenta.” She shook her head. “How did this happen? It must have to do with the Cha’llah—with being so close to it and having my crystal, uh, recharged. Do you think?”

  “Possibly.” He shrugged as though it was of little consequence.

  “But is it really real?” Molly murmured to herself. She had to be sure. She looked up at him again. “Pinch me.”

  “What?” He frowned at her fiercely. “Why would you ask me to do such a thing?”

  “To make sure I’m not dreaming.” Molly pinched herself, not waiting for him, and gave a little yip of pain. “Ouch! It’s true—I’m awake.”

  “Congratulations,” Braxx said shortly. “Now that we have established that, maybe we can get back to the village.”

  “Hey…” She put a hand on his arm. “What is it? What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy for me—I can see—really see—for the first time in over twenty years!”

  “I’m very pleased for you,” he growled, not sounding a bit pleased. “Come, we need to get to the village before nightfall. We have been underground for many hours.”

  He started off again, walking so quickly Molly had to trot to keep up with him. His surly attitude surprised and hurt her. Why was he so angry at her? Because it was clear to her that he was—the big Kindred was bubbling with fury and hurt, just under his stony surface.

  “Hey,” she said, coming up on his left side and touching his arm. “Braxx, come on, please…”

  “What do you want?” He strode on, his chin lifted as he stared straight ahead, not looking at her.

  “Did…did I hurt you with my question earlier about your…” Molly made a motion with her hand to her own face, trying to think how to put it.

  “About my face, do you mean? About the hideous, disfiguring scars I wear?” He stopped suddenly and leaned down, pushing his face into hers. “Take a good look, Molly—I know you want to. Everyone does—they stare and stare when they think I’m not looking and then they drop their eyes like cowards the moment they see me noticing their interest.”

  Molly felt taken aback but she tried not to show it.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, trying to be gentle. “I truly didn’t mean to hurt you, Braxx. I thought I was in the middle of a really, uh, strange dream. I didn’t know this…” She waved a hand. “Didn’t know any of this was real. And, well…I was startled when I saw you, because you’d never given me any indication that, um…”

  “That I looked like a monster?” he demanded.

  “No, I would never—”

  “A monster,” he repeated. “Do you know that little children sometimes start crying at the sight of me? And I don’t fucking blame them!”

  “Oh, Braxx…” She reached for him but he pulled away.

  “No. I don’t want your pity or your disgust.”

  “I’m not disgusted, just surprised,” Molly protested. “But this doesn’t have to change anything between us. Braxx, please—was it the crash you told me about? Is that when…when it happened?”

  But he seemed completely unwilling to talk about it anymore.

  “Come,” he said shortly, pulling away from her. “We have a long way to go.”

  And that was the last thing Molly was able to get from him until they reached the village.

  * * * * *

  Braxx strode along, his heart aching and sore in his chest. The left side of his face felt as though someone had dipped it in lead—as though it was a weight pulling him down to the bottom of a pond of pure misery.

  He knew he was behaving badly but he couldn’t seem to help it. He ought to be happy for Molly—she had regained her sight entirely—she could truly see for the first time since the terrible accident which had stolen both her sight and her parents. She was healed.

  Where is my healing, though? whispered a bitter little voice in the back of his head. I gave up any chance I might have had to be rid of these scars once and forever—gave it up for her.

  Deep down, he knew he didn’t regret it—didn’t regret going through the living Cha’llah to get to her. Hell, he would do it again if he had to. But it was hard to stomach the fact that his sacrifice had actually lost him the woman he loved.

  Because why would she want to be with him now? How could she now that she had seen his face—really seen it—and knew what he looked like?

  She’ll never want to be with me again, he thought, his stride fast and angry as he made his way to the village of the Top Dwellers. It will be Danella all over again. She won’t want to be seen with me, won’t want anyone to think she’s mine. She won’t want to belong to a monster—what woman would?

  It was over now—any hope he’d had of claiming her as his own and forming a life with her had died the moment she asked what had happened to his face. He had nothing but a life of misery and loneliness to look forward to.

  The Wise One had said he would have to lose his last hope in order to get Molly back from the depths and she had been right. His last hope indeed. He had given it up and now he knew it wasn’t the hope of being healed that he had lost…it was the hope of having Molly as his mate. The Cha’llah had taken it from him. It was gone and there was no getting it back.

  Behind him, Molly was nearly running to keep up but Braxx didn’t slow his pace a bit. As long as he kept in front of her, she wouldn’t have to look at the scarred and mangled ruin of his face.

  That was the way Braxx wanted it and so he walked on, his heart heavy and sore, wishing he had died in the crash that had taken his brother. Wishing he had never met her.

  Wishing he had never been born.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Welcome, welcome, Molly from the Stars!” sang the Wise One.

  “Thank you, thank you,” Molly sang back. She tried to keep her attention on the greeting but her heart was so troubled it was hard to concentrate. Braxx had left her here at the Wise One’s hut, saying he needed to log in at the ship and check with Commander Sylvan as they were supposed to do every few days.

  But Molly knew the truth. He just wanted an excuse to get away from me, she thought sadly. Why is he so angry with me? Because I can see again and so I saw his face? He should have told me what to expect and maybe I wouldn’t have acted so surprised. But if he would just listen…

  “Your body is here but your heart and mind are elsewhere, Molly from the Stars,” the Wise One murmured, bringing her back from her troubled thoughts.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, Wise One. It’s just…Braxx and I had a, uh, disagreement.”

  “That one has wounds which will never heal if he does not expose them to the light.” The Wise One nodded her head knowingly. “But I see that being in the Depths has done you some good—your healing crystal is full to the brim with the light of the Cha’llah.”

  “Yes.” Molly tried to smile and feel some of the joy she’d first had when she realized the crystal was working to give her back her normal sight. “Yes, Wise One—I can see now—really see everything in detail. My sight is as good as it was before the accident I had that took it away.”

  “Ah, very good.” A wide smile creased the Wise One’s wrinkled face. “I knew the Cha’llah would find you worthy of complete healing, child.”

  “I am beyond grateful, but…” M