Deal With the Devil Read online

  Jude’s eyes widened. “They have an altar?”

  I nodded. “It’s like a ritual sacrifice—the sacrifice of the girl’s virginity. Of course, the actual deflowering can’t take place until after she’s shifted and run with the pack on her first hunt. That’s because she isn’t considered sexually mature until she has. But before the hunt, she’s tied to the altar in her human form so that the pack master can look her over and declare her a fitting offering for his lust.”

  I looked into the fire, remembering that night, reliving it as I had tried not to for so many years.

  “Luz,” Jude said softly. “You don’t have to go on.”

  I looked up at him. “Yes, I do. You wanted to know—well, all right, I’m telling you. Unless you’d rather not hear the ugly truth?”

  He looked at me gravely. “I will hear whatever it is you need to tell me.”

  “Fine.” I looked back at the fire because it was easier to talk about when I couldn’t see the pity in his eyes. “They took away the robe and tied me to the altar,” I said, remembering the way the full moon had looked so white and uncaring, floating high above me like a ghost. “That was when he came to me and…and I started to be afraid.”

  I closed my eyes tightly, remembering. “I wasn’t used to being naked and I had never…never been touched before. Not the way he touched me. He…his hands were everywhere. In my mouth, on my breasts, between…between my legs.” I swallowed hard. “He even put his fingers inside me to see…to see how tight I was. Then he climbed on the altar with me.”

  “Luz—” Jude began but I held up a hand to stop him. I had to get this out now or I never would.

  “He climbed on the altar with me,” I repeated. “And he told me how it would be—what he was going to do to me, how he was going to…to take me. He…there were other males with him—other alphas—and they laughed when he talked about it, when he said how much he was going to enjoy fucking me.” I felt raw inside but still I couldn’t stop. “He…he tried to fit himself inside me. But I was too tight and I was screaming by then. He just laughed and said I could scream until I was hoarse. Because…because after the hunt he was going to do whatever he wanted.”

  Something wet and warm dripped off my cheek and landed on my clasped hands. I didn’t feel like I was crying but apparently I was. Still, waterworks or not, I had to finish my story.

  “I thought there must be some misunderstanding—that what he was doing was wrong. You’re taught not to let people touch you like that—to report it to the nearest adult. So as soon as they untied me and let me go, I ran to find my mother. I-I told her what had happened and I thought she would tell my father and he would stop it.”

  “That isn’t what happened,” Jude murmured and it wasn’t a question.

  I shook my head. “No. She told me it was time I grew up and learned that not all of being an adult is pleasant. She said…said that I had to go through with it for the family—that it was my duty. And of course my father backed her up.”

  I could still remember the horrible feeling of betrayal. The realization that what had happened to me was sanctioned by the people who were supposed to love and care for me and that they expected me to go back and let it happen again—only worse next time. I tried to tell Jude that but it hurt too much to put into words. I shook my head, deciding to skip to the next part.

  “I knew then that I couldn’t get out of it. The pack master had accepted me as a sacrifice and by pack law he owned me—or at least my virginity. And after the hunt he was going to take it—to take me—on that cold stone altar, any way he wanted, for as long as he wanted. And this time the entire pack would be watching.”

  I lifted the hem of the T-shirt I wore and blotted my eyes.

  “Luz…” Jude’s voice was hoarse and when I looked up, I saw my own pain reflected in his eyes. Somehow I made myself go on.

  “The time to shift came and all around me everyone was changing. People becoming wolves in the moonlight—it was magical. And I knew I was supposed to do it too—I’d been looking forward to it my entire life. But I just…”

  “You couldn’t,” Jude said quietly.

  I shook my head. “I couldn’t. I tried—or I told myself I tried, anyway. But then I couldn’t breathe and I started to tremble and feel sick to my stomach…”

  “You had a panic attack.”

  “The first of many as it turns out. But since I couldn’t shift, I wasn’t technically sexually mature. So Engle—the pack master, I mean—couldn’t have me.” I blotted my eyes again. “It was a huge scandal, of course. It ruined the ascension ceremony and both my parents and the pack master were furious.”

  Jude’s eyes flashed red. “Savages.”

  “Not in their eyes, they weren’t. To them, it was all my fault. To me too, I guess.” I sighed. “After that, nothing I ever did was good enough. My grades suffered because when I felt put under pressure—like trying to pass a major test—I panicked. I had terrible nightmares and I couldn’t eat because everything that went down came right back up again. I felt like my parents hated me—almost as much as I hated myself. I think…I think I would have killed myself eventually if it wasn’t for my little brother.”

  “You care for him a lot,” Jude observed.

  “More that all the rest of them put together,” I said. “He was too young to know what was happening—too young to condone it or to condemn me afterward when I couldn’t shift. Being around him made me feel calm and gradually I learned to forget, to push it under the rug and pretend it never happened.”

  “That’s why I was so clueless when I first met you. I’d been telling myself for years that it hadn’t happened or that it wasn’t worth remembering.” I shook my head. “I pretended I didn’t know why I had panic attacks and freaked out under pressure, pretended I didn’t know why I couldn’t shift. And I did it so well that I believed it myself.” I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. “God, I wish I could have just kept on pretending.”

  Jude frowned. “So what broke the cycle? Did your successful shift tonight bring it back? Or was it what happened between us a few nights ago?”

  “Neither. Both.” I shook my head. “I think it was always in the back of my mind, to tell you the truth. I just didn’t want to face it. But lately…lately I’ve had to.” I sighed. “The past is bad enough but I have new problems now.”

  “Oh?” He raised an eyebrow. “What happened to you tonight, Luz?”

  I cleared my throat. “I’ll tell you but first you have to promise me you won’t take matters into your own hands. No killing or skinning or beheading anyone, no matter how angry you get. Okay?”

  There was a dangerous gleam in Jude’s eyes. “And why must I make this promise?”

  I explained about Diego and the way Engle had invoked the Rite of Blame on him. “So now if something happens to Engle—anything at all—until their conflict is settled, Diego is to blame. He could be banished from his pack or even killed—depending on how his own pack master reacts. It’s very serious—that’s why you have to keep your temper.”

  “I am holding on to it with both hands, as the expression goes. Please, continue.” Jude made a motion with one hand. “Was it this Engle who threatened you tonight?”

  I nodded miserably. “He’s still the pack master so technically, my virginity is still his to claim until he steps down. And I don’t think he will step down until he get it—gets me.”

  “Didn’t I tell you that no one would take you against your will? He will never have you.” Jude’s eyes were blazing red by now, which I was learning meant he was either deep in lust or very angry. I didn’t think it was the former.

  I bit my lower lip. “The thing is, I think he’s been planning this for a long time. He was the one who hired those two human goons who tried to kidnap me—I think he was going to…going to take me whether it was legal or not. Which it wasn’t at the time they tried to grab me—not by pack law, anyway. But now that I’ve shifte