Deal With the Devil Read online

  The ability to shift comes around the same time as puberty so it sometimes happened later for males and earlier for females but no matter what their age, no one was allowed out to join the hunt under the full moon until they could make a complete shift. It goes without saying that yours truly had never been on a hunt although I desperately longed to go.

  My own family was mid-level status and always trying to move up the ladder. At one time I knew my parents had hoped for a lot more from their children but all my brothers, with the exception of Diego, had been too easygoing to be alphas. Diego, alpha through and through, had joined another pack entirely—a decision that had caused my father not to talk to him for months.

  Of course, worse than having a child who defected to another pack was having a child who couldn’t shift at all—me. Sometimes I thought my parents would never live down the shame. Luckily, my older sister, Esperanza, had done better than all the rest of us toward raising the family status by marrying Frank—who was about as alpha as they come. And now that Frank might be next in line for pack master, my parents could look forward to a huge leap forward in the social pecking order.

  It was something they desperately wanted, I knew. In the past the Velez family had produced pack masters and alphas like crazy. It was only in the past few generations that we’d become so middle of the road. My dad had been groomed to be an alpha and my mom had been raised with one goal in mind—to marry an alpha and produce more alpha children. In that, they had disappointed each other but they stuck together grimly, mainly because, like a strict Catholic congregation, there isn’t much divorce going on in a wolf pack. You mate for life and you deal with what comes.

  Being stuck like that is probably why my parents felt the need to scrape and claw their way to the top. In their view, if you saw a chance to advance up the totem pole, you grabbed it in your teeth and ran with it because that chance might not come again. And any chance would do.

  But enough about my family—the moon was calling me and for the first time I felt like I might be able to answer it. I was completely nude, my clothes folded neatly on a large rock nearby. You can’t shift with clothes on, unless you don’t mind ruining them. Tonight I had been wearing an oversized T-shirt and baggy jeans. I wanted to blend in later, after the hunt when everything is very casual. But first I had to prove I was fit to be in the hunt at all. I had to shift—had to let my inner wolf come out, but I wasn’t sure I could do it. My breathing was already getting labored and I hadn’t even tried yet.

  Just like the Bar exam, I told myself. There’s nothing sexual about shifting so you should have no problem. Concentrate…concentrate…

  Closing my eyes, I remembered the taste of Jude’s blood and the calm sense of safety and security I had when he held me and let me drink from him. Of course it was impossible to think about his blood without thinking about him. He’d called me several times after our little incident, as I was beginning to think of my abortive attempt to have sex, but every time I put him off. I was sure he knew I didn’t have other calls coming in or company coming over or any of the other lame excuses I used on him. But he didn’t complain when I said I had to go—he wasn’t angry or accusatory. In fact, all I could sense from him was patience.

  I had the feeling that Jude thought he would wear me down eventually. He thought if he was patient and understanding enough I would come back to him and tell him all about the big bad thing that had happened to me and we would work through it together and live happily ever after.

  Yeah, right.

  What had I been thinking, getting involved with a vamp in the first place? Diego had been right—I should have stuck with my own kind, even if my own kind didn’t want me. Of course, if I could shift successfully tonight, that might change but I still didn’t think I was going to be able to find a man who wanted to live a life of passionate celibacy. Because no matter what else happened—whether I was able to shift or not—I had decided to give up having sex—excuse me, trying to have sex—for good.

  Oh, there were some things I would miss—the feeling of a man’s body pressed against my own for one. Jude’s body, a little voice whispered in my head but I pushed it away. And the sweet release of orgasm when he touched me and tasted me. But I had a vibrator that could make me come just as effectively and I was going to stick with that. Of course a vibrator can’t hold you and kiss you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear but that was just something I would have to learn to live without.

  To me, no more sex equaled no more painful flashbacks and fewer panic attacks. No more reliving that night I’d tried so hard to forget and push to the back of my mind. It was worth it, worth it, a thousand times worth it as far as I was concerned.

  But of course that meant no more Jude.

  There was another thought to push away. The back of my mind was getting crowded.

  “Stop it and concentrate,” I told myself in a low voice. I had to do this. If I could do it just once, I knew I would always be able to do it. Once you let the wolf come out the first time, it’s always close to the surface for the rest of your life. In time, shifting becomes as natural as breathing. So once was all I needed to live a normal life and reclaim my status in the pack—for me, anyway.

  I took a deep breath. It was now or never. The moon was high and the pack was in full cry. I could hear them howling in the woods, running through the dense undergrowth, and I wanted with all my heart to be one of them. I wanted what had been denied me and tonight I intended to stretch out my hand and take my birthright.

  Closing my eyes, I let my mind fill with the howls of the pack and the sweet memory of Jude’s blood. I can do this. I passed the Bar and I can do this too, I told myself fiercely. I remembered Jude’s eyes, his calming words spoken in that deep voice and then…

  Then I felt myself changing. My bones shifted in their sockets, my hands and feet became paws. All at once I was on all fours. My face lengthened to a muzzle and my nose was suddenly a thousand times more sensitive. Fur flowed over me, erupting from my human skin and covering me like a protective coat.

  Finally!

  The human thought was swallowed by my expanded senses. I could see in the dark and the scents of the forest were all around me, green and rich and growing. Every little rustle in the underbrush meant something to me—it was like I had been deaf and blind all my life and suddenly I could hear and see. I was finally alive.

  I lifted my nose to the moon and howled, long and loud, announcing my presence to the pack. I was finally my true self—my wolf self—and I couldn’t wait to let them know.

  Far in the distance I heard an answering howl that ended in a question. The pack was wondering if it was really me. If after all these years I had finally managed to become one of them. Joy rushed through me as I ran to meet them, to become a part of them as I had longed to do for so long.

  I was coming home.

  My first hunt passed in a blur. After the pack had met and accepted me we ran together under the full moon. Despite my age I was new and still unsure so I ran at the very back of the pack with the other new wolves and stayed away from the alphas. Once or twice I thought I caught a scent from the front of the pack that bothered me—something that shouldn’t have been there. But my unease was quickly swallowed up in the excitement of the chase and the kill. We pulled down a deer and several rabbits and feasted—well, the alphas did anyway. I barely managed to snatch a mouthful of the warm, bloody meat but it was still the best thing I had ever eaten. It was the taste of success after years of failure.

  After the run and the hunt, the pack broke apart and went back to their respective clothes. Before I went to shift back to my human form and get dressed, I made sure to touch noses with my parents and my older sister, Essie. I felt a definite sense of approval and excitement from them that made me feel warm all over. I could smell that Diego was around somewhere—or maybe one of them had just talked to him recently—but I didn’t see him. It hurt me that my little brother hadn’t come to congratulate me