Shadowed Read online

  “Wow,” she said at last when he finished. “So you feel everything everyone else feels but in a physical way, not just inside?”

  “Normally. I’m numb right now—don’t know why. But I can’t ‘feel’ you,” Reddix admitted. And hope I never do, he added silently. It was foolish to voice that hope aloud—tempting fate—so he kept it to himself.

  “I guess that’s a good thing. But…what if I was feeling happy? Aren’t positive emotions—?”

  “It’s all bad—fucking invasive and miserable,” he said. “And even if it wasn’t—would you want to wear somebody else’s happiness all day like a hot, itchy coat you couldn’t take off?”

  “I guess not,” Nina said thoughtfully. “And so…that’s why you didn’t want me to touch you?”

  “It’s not that I don’t want you to,” he said gruffly. “It’s that I can’t stand it. If the numbness wears off…when it wears off, touching makes it worse. So much fucking worse.”

  “But…not to be touched, even casually, for ten years. To hide yourself away, avoiding everyone, even the people you love because you can’t stand to be around them. That’s so…”

  “Sad? Pathetic?” he asked harshly.

  “Lonely.” Nina cuddled closer to him, nestling against his side. “So terribly lonely. Oh, Reddix…”

  There was a soft sound in the darkness, and after a moment, he realized what she was doing.

  “Are you crying?” he asked uncertainly. “For me?”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t mean to be emotional. It’s just late, and I’m tired, and what you’re saying…it’s so sad. I just…I can’t imagine living like that.”

  “You get used to it,” he said shortly but inside he was touched. She cared. Goddess knew why after what he had put her through, but Nina actually cared about him. No one other than Minda had shed tears for his sorry plight before. Reddix remembered the way his little sister had cried when she found him in his room, the bloody blade in his hands… No. He pushed the memory away. He didn’t want to think about anything but Nina, of the way she felt pressed against him, of the sweet scent of her hair.

  “You shouldn’t have to get used to never touching anyone—to being so alone.” Nina sighed and sniffed. “I’m sorry. Maybe we should try to get some sleep.”

  “Good idea.” Reddix shifted, trying to get a little more comfortable. “Good night, Nina.”

  She yawned. “Night, Reddix.”

  From the soft sound of her breathing and the way she relaxed against him, he could tell she’d gone to sleep almost at once. But though he was tired, Reddix stayed awake. He told himself he wanted to keep watch, to listen for the sounds outside the ship and make sure they were all right. But really he was afraid that while he slept the numbness would wear off, and he wouldn’t be able to stand being near Nina anymore. He wanted to savor the feeling of her pressed against him, to memorize the scent of her hair so he would never forget after this was over.

  And he wanted to win her trust. The half formed idea he’d had before came back, and this time he allowed himself to consider it. It was extreme, but they were trapped on an unknown planet with the Goddess only knew what damage done to the ship. The situation called for extreme measures. Reluctantly, Reddix decided to do it.

  There was no other way.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “I have an idea,” Reddix said the minute she opened her eyes.

  “Hmm?” Nina blinked sleepily. She’d been having a dream about someone touching her—touching all over her body. Someone with big, warm hands who smelled incredible. A dark masculine spice still invaded her senses making the place between her legs feel achy and hot. She shifted and realized it was Reddix she’d been dreaming about—dreaming about his hands on her, his mouth covering hers and then moving lower, licking…teasing…tasting… And she was still draped all over him like a coat.

  “Nina?” he said. “You all right?”

  “Um, sure.” She sat up quickly, feeling her cheeks get red. God, what a time for a wet dream! She wondered if she’d been making any noises in her sleep—she seemed to remember begging him to do more, to go further… God, what must he think of her?

  “I said, I have an idea,” he repeated patiently.

  “Oh yes? What?” She ran her fingers through her hair, trying to pull herself together. “Sorry, I was…having a weird dream.”

  “I could tell.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “You were moaning in your sleep.”

  “I was?” Nina felt her cheeks get even hotter.

  “Uh-huh.” He looked at her more closely. “Care to tell me what you were dreaming about?”

  “I…uh…I don’t remember,” she lied, looking away hurriedly. “I only know it was…weird.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” He was still staring at her in a way that made her feel hot and cold at the same time. Damn it, he was the enemy. Why did he have to smell so good and look so hot?

  “Your idea,” she said desperately. “You said you had an idea—what was it? And is it daytime?” The interior of the ship was still dim, but at least she could see. There seemed to be some soft, purplish light pouring in from the windshield area at the front of the ship.

  “Or what passes for it on this ball of rock,” he said dismissively. “Listen to me, Nina—I need to talk to you.”

  The urgency in his tone cut through her embarrassment and the lingering discomfort of her dream. “What is it?”

  He took a deep breath. “I need to get out of these cuffs. If I don’t, I’ll never be able to assess the damage to the ship and see if I can fix it.”

  Nina opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head.

  “Just listen. I need to get out, but you need a way to trust me—to keep me in line.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “I think I know how we can manage that.”

  She frowned. “What—are you going to swear on a stack of Bibles you won’t hurt me and you’ll take me straight back to Earth?”

  He shook his head, regretfully she thought. “I can’t do that. But I will swear to call a truce with you at least until I get the ship fixed. And in order for you to trust me, I’m prepared to offer you some assurance.”

  Nina crossed her arms over her chest. “What kind of assurance? You’re huge. How do I know the minute I unlock the cuffs you won’t just jump me?”

  “Because,” he said evenly. “I’m going to let you put the Hurkon collar on me.”

  “What? No way!” she exclaimed. “You just got finished telling me how scary that thing is, and now you want me to put it on you?”

  “It’s the only way,” he said. “You put it on me, and you have the controls. You can keep your finger on the pain button the entire time if you want to. When we reach some kind of agreement, you can take it off me. Until then, you’ll at least know you can trust me to walk around and get the ship fixed.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “You think that would make you feel safe?”

  “Well, yes… but I still don’t like it.” Nina frowned.

  “Like it or not, this is the only option. I can’t stay cuffed to the food prep counter forever,” he growled. “And I can’t promise to take you straight back to Earth—not now, anyway.”

  What he was saying made a twisted kind of sense. Nina had to admit she would feel much safer and more secure about her future with the big Kindred if he was wearing the collar and she had the controls. Still, it was hard to believe Reddix, who didn’t seem like the trusting type, would be willing to put himself so completely at her mercy.

  “So I’ll trust you more with the collar on,” she said. “But how do you know you can trust me? What’s to stop me from pressing the pain button just for the hell of it?” Of course, she would never do any such thing, but she was curious to hear what he would say.

  He gave her a level look.

  “You wouldn’t do that—you’re a healer. And you have compassion, even for your kidnapper.”

  “What if I don’t, though?” Nina didn’t like the fact