“Yeah? And what’s that?” I ask, my eyes meeting hers, surprised by the amount of yearning in my voice, hoping she might have some sort of clue as to just what it is that I’m here for. Because so far, I have no idea.

But Ava just shrugs, her kind brown eyes sparkling on mine when she says, “Oh, no.” She smiles and shakes her head. “I’m afraid that’s for you to discover all on your own. But believe me, Ever, I’ve no doubt it’s going to be big.”

twenty-four

By the time I get home, it’s late. And even though Damen offers to help me carry my gifts up the stairs and into my room, even though part of me is tempted to let him do exactly that, I just give him a quick kiss on the cheek and head in on my own. Wanting only to dive into the welcoming cocoon of my bed, so I can have the final hour of my birthday to myself.

I pick my way up the stairs, carefully, quietly, not wanting to alert Sabine whose light is peeking out from under her door. Having just dropped the bundle of presents onto my desk, when she pads down the hall and comes in.

“Happy Birthday.” She smiles, wrapped in a robe so creamy and plush it looks like a cloud of whipped cream. Squinting at the clock on my nightstand when she says, “It is still your birthday, right?”

“Seventeen.” I nod. “And not a day older.” Watching as she makes her way in and perches on the edge of my bed, eyeballing the pile of gifts—a couple of metaphysical books from Ava that I pretty much “read” the moment I touched them, an amethyst geode from Jude, a T-shirt that says NEVER SUMMON ANYTHING YOU CAN’T BANISH from Rayne (ha-ha), and another one with a colorful spiral symbol from Romy that probably came from the same Wiccan store, along with an iTunes gift card from Honor who handed it to me as she mumbled, “Um, because you seem to really like music with the way you’re always, you know, all plugged in and all.” Oh, and vase after vase of brilliant red tulips that Damen must’ve manifested the moment he drove away.

“That’s quite a bounty you got there,” she says as I take it all in, trying to see it in the same way she sees it, more as a celebration of my existence and less a reminder of those who are missing.

I drop onto my desk chair and kick off my sandals, sensing she’s here for a purpose and hoping she’ll hurry up and get to it.

“I won’t keep you long—it’s late and you’re probably tired,” she says, accurately reading my mood.

And even though I start to protest, out of politeness if nothing else, I don’t get very far before I stop. Because as nice as it is to visit with her, as seldom as I get to see her alone these days, I really do wish we could push this little visit to tomorrow. I’m just not up for one of her long, meandering talks.

But, of course, that particular mood she doesn’t sense, she just looks me over with her narrowed gaze when she says, “So, how’s everything—your job—Damen? I hardly ever see you these days.”

I nod, assuring her it’s all good, careful to put a little oomph into the word, hoping it’ll serve to convince her.

She nods, gaze lightening in relief when she adds, “Well, you look good. You got so thin there for a while that I—” She shakes her head, a trace of just how worried she was clouding her gaze and making me feel about this big. “But you seem to be filling out again. Your skin’s all cleared up too—which is good—” She presses down on her lips, as though carefully weighing what she’s about to say next, before plunging ahead. “You know, Ever, when I said I wanted you to work this summer, I didn’t exactly mean it quite in the way that you took it. I was referring more to a part-time gig, something to keep you occupied for a few hours each day, but the way you’ve been going at it—” She stops and shakes her head. “Well, I’m pretty sure you’re putting in more hours than I am. And now with just a handful of weeks until school starts again—well, I think you should consider giving notice, so you can enjoy a little time on the beach, spend some time with your friends.”

“What friends?” I shrug, feeling that sting at the back of each eye as my stomach takes a little dip. But still, I said it. Admitted a truth so painful, she can’t help but shift and gaze at the floor. Taking a moment to compose herself before lifting her eyes to meet mine and motioning toward the pile of birthday booty when she says, “Well, excuse me for saying so, but I think the evidence proves otherwise.”

I close my eyes and shake my head, furiously dabbing at my cheeks as I quickly turn away, thinking of the one friend who wasn’t there today, who probably won’t be there ever again, thanks to the monster and me.

“Hey—you okay?” She reaches toward me, wanting only to comfort, but pulling away just as quickly, remembering how finicky I am about being touched.

I take a deep breath and nod, knowing how much she worries, and wishing I hadn’t dragged her into this. Because the truth is, I am okay. Like she said, my clothes no longer hang on me, my skin is clear, my relationship is back on track, and that horrible beast, that strange foreign pulse that once ruled me, hasn’t been seen or heard from since that night on the beach. And even though there will always be that huge gaping hole my family’s absence has left, even though I’ll have to say good-bye to Sabine someday soon, Damen will always be there. If he’s proved nothing else this past year, it’s clear that he’s fully committed to me—to us. No matter how bad things get, he’s not the least bit put off. And in the end, that’s all I can ask. Everything else, well, it just is what it is.