“Nothing is guaranteed, sweetheart. Know that each moment I’m away from you, you’ll be in my mind. There won’t be a moment that you won’t be what I’m thinking of.”

We recline back in the couch then she wraps her arm around my torso. “I don’t want you to go.”

I sigh, “I know, but maybe this is what we need.”

“No, it’s not what we need, but it’s what we have. I’m going to ache for you every day you’re gone. I’m going to wish you were here so I could snuggle into your side and remind you why you should love me.”

I pull her closer and rub the side of her arm. “Loving you was never the issue. It’s keeping you when you’re not mine to have.”

She looks at me as a tear falls. “I think I was always yours to have. I’m just hoping you’ll see that soon.”

“Lee?” Reanell calls out from the back deck. It’s Aarabelle’s birthday party and she came early to help set up.

“In the kitchen!” I call out and wipe my forehead. The house is a mess. There’s flour all over the floor, eggs on the floor thanks to my clumsy hands, and Aarabelle laughs at me from her highchair.

She opens the swinging door and stops. “Wow . . . I mean . . . wow.”

“Yeah, can you help me?”

“Where’s your devoted husband? Visiting his girlfriend?” she asks with hostility.

“Reanell!”

“Too soon? Yeah, probably too soon. Sorry.” She bends down and starts to clean up the eggs. “So, where is he?”

“Mark picked him up and took him out for a few hours since the tension was enough to suck the air from the house.” I point over to the newspaper that featured his rescue. “Read the last paragraph.”

Considering I used to work for the local press, you’d think they would’ve given me a heads up. Nope. They did a huge piece on him and how he’s a hero. But the worst was how Aaron told them how determined he was to make his family whole again. How he loves his wife and child more than his own life and we’re what kept him alive.

“He really laid it on thick.” Reanell puts the paper on the table. “Mason seriously feels bad, but he couldn’t say anything—not even to me.”

I put the mixer down and huff. “I know. I’m not mad anymore. It could’ve risked Liam and the other guys’ lives.”

Still sucks, but I get it.

“What time will your mom be here?” Rea asks, tiptoeing around the mess. “Did you get anything in the damn bowl?”

“Shut up. I’m not a great baker, but I wanted to make her a cake.”

Reanell laughs, “Maybe I should head to the store and get her an edible one. Jesus, you’re like Betty Crapper—this doesn’t even look like cake mix.”

I drop the mixer and start to laugh hysterically. Tears drop from my fit, and I slide against the counter to the floor. “Oh, God, Betty Crapper . . .” I continue giggling, unable to stop. I laugh on the flour-covered floor as Reanell stares at me as if I’m losing my mind. Hell, I am. “I can’t . . .” The laughter rages on.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Her voice is full of concern.

“I mean . . . it’s funny,” I say, trying to calm myself.

“I’m not sure I follow. You’re scaring me, Lee.” Reanell hunches down and puts her hands on my knees. “I’m really worried about you. The last few days you haven’t been yourself.”

Her fear is valid. Since I left Liam’s house and he basically told me we need to take a break, I’ve been a mess. The only thing that kept me going was knowing I had him. Aaron hasn’t said a word about our last fight. He’s here trying to help and be a part of our lives.

We’ve met with doctors, psychologists, and he met with some liaison from the government. But I’m robotic. I drive him there and listen to everyone tell me how blessed I am to have him home. They tell me it’s a miracle and how happy they are for us, but I feel no joy. I’ve placed myself back in my bubble of void. It’s easier than feeling, and I’m emotionally drained. The only thing that gives me any light is Aarabelle. I try to keep her around me at all times.

“I’m broken.”

I haven’t told her about what Liam said, but I’m sure she notices.

She grabs my face. “Oh, honey. You’re not broken. No one is. You have Aara, me, Mason, and so many other people who love you. This isn’t easy. This is real life and it fucking sucks.”

“Yeah,” I reply dejectedly.

“Seriously, this isn’t some movie where it’ll all work out in the end. This is ugly and raw. No one has the answers, babe. The thing is . . . there’s not really a choice. I feel like six months ago you made your choice. You let Aaron go when you allowed yourself to love again.”

She’s right. That’s the issue. I can’t go back not just because of the affair and the lies between us. But because I let go of that love. I forgave him. I found a place where I learned how to truly love and not have to see what I wanted. Will my love for Liam always be that want? No. We’ll struggle and we’ll fight but there’s no one else I want by my side. He thinks he’s giving me time to make the right choice. But he’s a fool.

Reanell places her hand on mine. “I know something happened with Liam, but you won’t let me in again.”

“He doesn’t want me,” I mutter. “He said he wants to take the deployment as a break. I need to focus on here, and he has to worry about the mission.”

“First of all,” Reanell’s voice morphs into her serious tone, “He does want you. You’re an idiot if you believe that he doesn’t, and since I’m not friends with idiots, I’m going to say you don’t. He wants you so much, but can’t you see how hard this is for him?”

“Of course I do!” I push up off the floor. “I see it all, and I’m the one who has to deal with all of it! I have to deal with Aaron, Liam, Aarabelle, and last of all, how I’m coping.” I throw my hands in the air and wipe my face. I will not cry. I will not cry.

She doesn’t get it. No one does. This whole damn situation is ridiculous. Aaron and I agreed he could stay here until Aarabelle’s birthday party. Then he’s going to stay at Jackson’s until we can make a decision. It was his idea to go there since the psychologist recommended we get a little space. His night terrors wake us with his screaming, he zones out in the middle of a conversation . . . he’s definitely getting better, but it’s a long road for him. But the worst is that Aarabelle hasn’t been the same, and he wants to allow us both some sense of normalcy.

“Is Liam coming today?”

“I don’t know. I can’t imagine he would, but he loves Aara, so who knows?”

“He loves you too.”

I scoff, “I don’t know at this point. He hasn’t called or shown any sign this is affecting him.”

“Sit,” she commands and points at the chair. “Natalie Gilcher, you are so much fucking stronger than you know. Liam is not the only man alive. If he gives you up so quickly, then fuck him. But I think there’s more there. I think he’s in pain and guys are idiots. They do dumb shit because they don’t know how to handle these situations.” She smoothes her hair. “Think about it. If he calls you, then he’s breaking his own rules. He’s giving in, and then he has to break you and him all over again. So . . .” I see the gleam in her eyes as a plan forms in her mind, “You make him break them.” Her smirk forms, and she raises one brow.