Hetty Feather Read online

  Mother coaxed him, Father badgered him, the big girls petted him, Nat and Jem tried tricking him and I certainly plagued him, but he stayed resolutely silent.

  I could offer him some trinket that I knew he really coveted, perhaps a glass bead as blue as the sky. I'd put it on the table in front of him and say, 'Do you like this bead I found, Gideon?'

  He'd nod.

  'Would you like it?'

  He'd nod more eagerly.

  'Well, all you have to do is say, "Please may I have the bead, Hetty?" and it is yours.'

  Gideon's head drooped.

  'Come on, Gid, it's easy. You can say it, you know you can. You don't even have to say please. "Can I have the bead?" That's all you have to say.'

  Gideon's head drooped further. I took hold of his jaw and tried to make his lips mouth the words. No sound came out, though tears started to roll down his cheeks.

  'Are you hurting Gideon, Hetty?' said Mother, bustling into the room.

  'No, no, Mother, I'm simply encouraging him to speak,' I said.

  Mother paused, diverted by my quaint speech. 'You're a caution, Hetty. I've never known a child like you. I don't know what's to become of you – or Gideon either.' She suddenly sank to her knees and opened her arms wide, hugging both of us to her bosom.

  I cuddled up close to Mother. She might not have the starry glamour of Madame Adeline, she might be rough with her tongue, she might paddle me hard for my naughtiness, but she was the only mother I'd known and I still loved her dearly.

  'Don't send us to the hospital, Mother!' I begged.

  She started, as if I'd read her mind. 'I wish I could keep you, Hetty,' she said, looking straight into my eyes. 'I can't bear to let you go – and it breaks my heart to think of little Gideon there, especially not when . . . when he's not quite himself.'

  I wriggled guiltily.

  'You will look after your brother when you're at the hospital, Hetty?' Mother said earnestly. 'He can't really look after himself. He'll need you to speak up for him. Will you promise you'll do that, dear?'

  'I promise,' I said, though I was shivering so I could hardly speak.

  'It's not as if all the children will be strangers,' said Mother, perhaps trying to convince herself as well as Gideon and me. 'Saul will be there, and dear little Martha. They will look out for both of you.'

  I didn't have Mother's faith in my sister and brother. Besides, the only brother I wanted looking out for me was my own dear Jem.

  I started following him like a little shadow, tucking my arm in his, huddling close to him at the table, sitting on his lap. He was so patient with me, playing endless games of picturing: we were pirates, we were polar bears, we were soldiers, we were water babies, we were explorers in Africa – and the simplest and most favourite game of all, we were Hetty and Jem grown up and living together in our own real house, happily ever after.

  I was used to dear Jem indulging me, but Gideon was the family favourite. They treated him now like a very special frail baby, dandling him on their knees and ruffling his dark locks. Even Father stopped trying to turn him into a little man. He hoisted him onto his huge shoulders and ran around with him, pretending to be one of his own shire horses. Gideon squealed in fear and joy, though he still didn't speak.

  But suddenly I seemed to be the pet of the family too. Father took me out in the fields with him and held me tight while I rode on the shire's back. The horse was too big to be a comfortable ride and was a simple Goliath plodder compared to Madame Adeline's elegant performing pirate horse – but even so I kicked my heels and held my arms out, pretending I was dressed in pink spangles in the circus ring.

  Nat had started whittling simple toys from pieces of wood. He fashioned me a horse and Gideon an elephant. To be truthful, the only way we could distinguish them was by size, but it was kind of my big brother all the same.

  Rosie and Eliza were surprisingly sweet to me too, letting me play grown-up ladies in their best dresses, even tying my hair up high and fastening it with pins. We played we were three big girls together and they sprayed me with their precious lavender perfume and told me special big-girl secrets.

  Even little Eliza seemed extra fond of me and smiled and waved her tiny fists in glee whenever I picked her up.

  'You're like a real little mother, Hetty,' said Mother, sounding truly proud.

  I basked in all this praise and attention. For a child considered ultra-sharp, my wits weren't working at all. It wasn't till the last night that it actually dawned on me. Rosie and Eliza sang baby songs to Gideon and gave us great kisses all over our cheeks until even my pale brother turned rosy as an apple. Nat gave us a bear hug. Father sat us both on his big knees and jiggled us up and down, playing, This is the way the ladies ride. Mother made us each a cup of cocoa brimming with cream, a rare treat. Just two cups, one for Gideon and one for me. I looked over at Jem. I knew he loved cream too.

  'Can't Jem have cocoa too, Mother?' I asked.

  'No, dear, it's just for you two little ones,' said Mother. 'Now drink it all up like a good girl before I get you both ready for bed.'

  I went to sit beside Jem, who had been very quiet all evening. 'Take a sip, Jem,' I whispered.

  Jem shook his head quietly. He kept his head bent but I saw he had tears in his eyes. My stomach squeezed tight. Why was Jem so sad?

  I saw Mother boiling up a great pan of water on the stove: hot washing water, though it wasn't bath night. Then at last it dawned on me. She was going to take Gideon and me to the hospital tomorrow!

  I'd known for years that I had to go back to the Foundling Hospital. For the past few months folk had referred to it openly and often – I had myself. But it had still seemed distant, long in the future, not anything to worry about right this minute. But now suddenly it had sprung upon me. This was it – my last night in the cottage.

  The sweet cocoa soured in my mouth. I crept so near Jem I was practically in his lap. He saw I'd realized, and put a finger to his lips, nodding at Gideon. My little brother was smiling as he sipped his cocoa. Mother pulled off his shirt and said, 'Skin a rabbit,' and Gideon made a bunny face, twitching his nose. He was almost his old self again, though he still wasn't talking. I knew if I cried out that we were going to the hospital the very next day, Gideon would be frightened into fits. So I closed my mouth, pressing my hands over my lips to make certain I would not talk.

  Jem hugged me tight. 'What a dear brave girl you are, Hetty,' he whispered in my ear.

  I didn't want to be brave. I wanted to scream and make a huge despairing fuss, but I could see that would spoil everything for Gideon – and for me too. So I held my tongue and choked down my cocoa, though I couldn't stop my tears brimming as I gazed around the little room that had been my home for the last five years. I could not bear to think I would never see it again. I could not bear to think I would not see Mother, Father and my brothers and sisters, my family. I especially could not bear to think I would never see my dear Jem again.

  The tears rolled down my face and I hid my head in my hands.

  'Look at Hetty, she's tired herself out!' said Eliza.

  'A quick bath in the tub and then you'll be tucked up in bed, Hetty dear,' said Rosie.

  I let my sisters undress me and lift me up into the soapy water. Mother washed me all over and rubbed the soapsuds into my hair so hard I thought the red might run away with the water. Then I was towelled vigorously, a nightgown thrust over my head, and I was carried upstairs. I kept my eyes closed all the time, even when everyone gave me a goodnight kiss. I was tucked up beside Gideon, who was already genuinely asleep. I lay there, waiting.

  Then Jem crept upstairs. He got into bed beside me and put his arms around me. I buried my head in his chest and wept.

  'There, Hetty. There, there, dear Hetty,' he murmured.

  'I don't want to go!' I sobbed. 'I shall run away. Yes, I shall run away right now.'

  'Where will you run to, Hetty?'

  'I shall find the circus. I shall live with Ma