“What’s wrong?”

I didn’t want to tell him, so I grabbed for the other thought that nagged me. “The fight today was hard. Lydia died so I could make it back. She died for me. It’s hard to believe that the Searchers don’t hate me.”

“I think Ethan hates you,” Shay offered with a grimace.

“The feeling is mutual.” I smiled ruefully. “I meant the rest of them. Monroe’s reserved but never angry. Connor’s actually pretty great.”

“I see.” Shay gritted his teeth.

“Not like that,” I muttered. “Just funny and nice. You know, like Adne.”

I let an edge accompany her name. Two could play the jealousy card.

He either didn’t notice or ignored it. “Yeah, she is great. I spent the whole week with her.”

“Doing what?” I asked, catching a growl before it left my throat.

“Aw, you’re cute when you’re jealous.” He stroked my cheek, snatching his fingers away when I playfully snapped at them. “You know I only have eyes for you.”

“Right.” I laughed, but a snarl still lingered in the sound.

“Seriously.” The warmth in his voice drew my eyes to his. When he leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose, I melted, knowing he meant it.

“Adne just showed me around,” he said. “We did some training. They’re really big on that here—the training.”

“What kind of training?” I ran my fingers over his shoulder, along his arm, lingering on his taut muscles.

“Combat,” he replied, his jaw tightening. I felt his biceps flex under my hand.

“Oh,” I said. “What’s it like?”

He laughed sharply. “I know how to fight better, I guess.”

“You were already pretty good before,” I offered.

“You should see me now, baby.” He grinned.

“Don’t ever call me that again,” I said. “Or you’ll need those combat skills.”

“Right,” he said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “No belittling pet names. I’ve sort of been learning about the Academy and how Searchers are trained, but as far as the future or what I’m supposed to do, I’m still blind and dumb.”

“Shay . . . why didn’t you show them Haldis until today?” Something about that secret bothered me, but I couldn’t quite pin down what.

“I didn’t want to give them anything until I knew I could trust them. Until you came back,” he said, sending a spike of warmth beneath my skin that curled low in my body. “I think I do now.”

“So you and the Searchers have been giving each other the silent treatment?”

“Pretty much.” He laughed. “I wanted to be sure they meant it about the alliance with Guardians,that they weren’t going to hurt you once you woke up.”

“Thanks for that,” I said, but it was still surprising that he’d deceived them. “Shay, you knew that we were going to try to find my pack. Why didn’t you stop us?”

“You wanted to go,” he protested, but I knew he was dodging me.

“All I could think about was getting to them,” I said. “It didn’t even occur to me that the patrols would have stopped . . . not until we couldn’t find them.”

Shay didn’t manage to hide the twitch of a smile.

“You knew,” I snarled. “You knew we wouldn’t find them.”

“I didn’t know,” he said. “I guessed.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” My surprise became anger. Two people were dead. “My alpha instincts took over when I was hunting for Ansel and the others. I couldn’t think about anything else. You should have.”

“I wanted you to be safe,” he said, his shoulders tensing. “I thought you could prove your worth to the Searchers without actually running into trouble.”

“We ran into plenty of trouble,” I snarled, furious that he’d thought he could protect me and that he’d tried to do so by lying. “People died. Good people.”

“I know,” he said quickly, and I could see he was becoming as angry as I was. “And I’m sorry for that. Calla, I didn’t say anything because I thought there wouldn’t be wolves near Haldis. How could I have known they’d be waiting for you?”

Because it’s what we do best. I bit my tongue, not wanting to lash out at him anymore. Tears burned in my eyes and weariness settled deep in my bones, making them ache. I walked to the bed and sat down. It wasn’t just the Searchers’ losses that tore at me. My own disappointment pressed down on my chest, a painful, heavy weight. I’d barreled into that mission because I’d hoped so much to reunite with my pack. Now I didn’t know what would happen, how we’d ever find them.

I slid down on the mattress, resting my head among pillows. A few lonely tears slipped along my cheeks as I closed my eyes. The bed caved beneath Shay’s weight when he stretched out beside me. His lips touched the back of my neck, but I wasn’t with him in the room anymore. I was back in Vail, with my pack. Facing Emile today hadn’t just shown me what I was up against—it had reminded me of what I’d lost. I despised the Bane alpha, but I didn’t hate his son.

Come to beg forgiveness? I think you may find it’s too late.

Running had granted me freedom, but Ren was still in Vail. And he’d lied to help us escape. How had Emile reacted to that betrayal? What kind of forgiveness would the Keepers offer Ren, if any? Was he even alive?