‘I’m fine,’ I say, no matter how much I’m not, distracted by the girl behind the counter tackling the coffee machine like she’s been here for years.

‘I’m glad,’ Sylvie says, smiling. ‘And Miller?’

‘He’s good,’ I confirm, suddenly feeling awkward, my feet shifting nervously. A surprise holiday, that’s what she thinks. After our ups and downs, Miller whisking me off to have some quality time was a perfectly feasible excuse for my sudden absence. Del sounded surprised when I called him to let him know I’d be off for a week, yet he gave me his blessing and told me to have a nice time. Problem is, it’s been more than a week.

My phone sings from my hand, and I’m again assessing the merits of not having one at all. Concealing the screen from Sylvie’s prying eyes, I silence my phone. It’s either Miller or William, and I still don’t want to talk to either one.

‘So how are things here?’ I ask, using the only diversion tactic I have.

It works. Her shiny black bob swishes when she shakes her head on a tired exhale. ‘Stupidly busy, and Del’s catering for more events than ever.’

‘Livy!’ Del appears at the swing door to the kitchen, quickly followed by Paul. ‘When did you get back?’

‘Yesterday.’ I smile awkwardly, a little embarrassed that I didn’t let him know. But it was all so sudden, and Nan consumed my mind from the moment Miller told me about her heart attack. Everything else was so inconsequential, including my job. Now that I’m here, though, I can’t wait to get started again, once I ensure Nan has fully recovered.

‘It’s great to see you, darling.’ Paul winks before returning to the kitchen, leaving Del wiping his hands on a tea towel. He casts a sideways glace to the girl, who’s now handing a coffee to a waiting customer, then looks back at me with an embarrassed smile. I feel self-conscious all of a sudden – uncomfortable and out of place. ‘I didn’t know when you’d be back,’ he starts. ‘And we were run off our feet. Rose here inquired about vacancies and she fell right into it.’

My heart sinks into my Converse. I’ve been replaced, and by the look on Del’s guilty face and the sound of his sorry voice, he doesn’t plan on reinstating me. ‘Of course.’ I smile, feigning indifference to within an inch of my life. I can’t blame him. I was hardly reliable in the weeks running up to my disappearance. As I watch Rose load the filter contraption of the coffee machine, an unreasonable sense of possessiveness seeps into me. The fact that she is performing the task with ease and with one hand when she reaches to grab a cloth isn’t helping. I’ve been replaced, and worst of all, I’ve been replaced by someone more competent. I’m injured, and I’m exhausting every modicum of strength not to let it show.

‘It’s fine, Del. Honestly. I never expected you to keep my job open for me. I didn’t think I would be gone for so long.’ Looking down at the phone in my hand, I see Miller’s name flashing up at me but I ignore it, forcing my smile to remain fixed on my face. ‘Anyway, Nan’s being released from the hospital tomorrow, so I need to be at home to take care of her.’ It’s ironic. All that time I used Nan as an excuse to keep me away from the big wide world so I could look after her, and now she really does need my help. And I really want to be in the big wide world. I feel untold guilt for allowing a little resentment to simmer deep within me. I’m beginning to resent everyone and everything. The people who are giving me freedom are the people snatching it away from me.

‘Your grandmother’s ill?’ Sylvie asks, sympathy etched all over her face. ‘You never said.’

‘Oh, Livy, honey, I’m so sorry.’ Del moves towards me, but I back away, feeling my emotions taking hold.

‘It was just a scare, nothing major. They’re discharging her tomorrow or Friday.’

‘Oh, that’s good. You take care of her.’

I smile as Sylvie rubs my arm. All of this empathy is unbearable. I need to escape. ‘I’ll see you,’ I say, throwing a little wave to Del as I back out of the bistro.

‘Make sure you keep in touch,’ my ex-boss calls before returning to the kitchen and resuming business as usual – business as usual that doesn’t include me anymore.

‘Take care, Livy.’ Sylvie looks guilty. She shouldn’t. This isn’t her fault, and in an attempt to ease it for her, to make her see I’m cool, I paste a huge smile on my face as I curtsy.

She laughs, turns on her biker boots, and sashays back to the counter, leaving me to shut the door on my old job and the people I became so fond of. My feet are heavy as they carry me across the pavement, and when I finally look up, I see a waiting car and Ted holding the back door open. I slide in without a word, the door shuts, and Ted’s up front in no time, pulling into the afternoon London traffic. My low mood is obvious, as expected, yet I seem to have a taste for lowering it further.

‘You knew my mother.’ I utter the words quietly and get only a nod in response. ‘I think she’s back in London,’ I say casually, like it’s of no consequence if she is.

‘I have instructions to take you home, Miss Taylor.’ He ignores my observation, quickly telling me that Ted is going to remain tight-lipped – if, indeed, there’s anything to know at all. I hope there’s nothing to know, which begs the question why I’m digging at all. Nan will never cope.

I concede easily to Ted’s coolness. ‘Thank you for saving me,’ I sigh, showing my white flag in the form of some gratitude.

‘Anytime, Miss Taylor.’ He keeps his eyes on the road, avoiding my stare in the rearview mirror.

Gazing blankly out the window, I watch the big, wide world go by as an even bigger black cloud descends, blanketing my favourite city in a gloomy darkness that matches my current state of mind.

Chapter 10

July 17 1996

Peter Smith

Investment Banker

46 – boring by name, wild by nature. The older man again. Married, but clearly not getting what he craves. I think he might crave me now.

Date one: Dinner at the Savoy

For starters, the best lobster salad I’ve tasted, but I’ll reserve judgement until I’ve eaten at the Dorchester. For main, fillet steak and some well-aimed coy looks. For dessert, a tiramisu, rounded off with a diamond bracelet. Of course, I showed my gratitude in the penthouse suite before I slipped out. I think I might see this one again. He can do incredible things with his tongue.

I snap my mother’s journal shut and toss it onto the couch next to me, annoyed with myself. Why am I putting myself through this again? Nothing I’ll find could possibly make me feel better. I remember William once saying that she wrote this journal to torture him. And amid my own self-pity, I feel a little bit of sympathy for the man who’s currently adding to my misery. She really was a wicked woman.

Plumping one of Nan’s frilly cushions, I rest my head back, close my eyes, and try my damn hardest to blank my mind and relax. My hardest isn’t enough, but I’m distracted when I hear someone come through the front door, then urgent footsteps approaching down the hall. Even before I open my eyes, I can picture the expensive leather shoes and the bespoke suit. Someone has his armour back.