Even knowing she’s right, I don’t know if I will ever be able to do that.

Chapter 4

June

“You can do this,” I whisper to my reflection in the rearview mirror. Moving my eyes to my lap, I mutter, “Why the hell did you let your sister Jedi mind trick you?”

Dropping my head to the steering wheel, I rest it there, resisting the urge to pound my head against it. July and Wes somehow talked me into meeting up with them at the compound. They said they were having a party and that I needed to get out of the house. I did need to get out of the house, but a party where Evan would be didn’t seem like something I needed to do. In fact, I’m pretty sure I need to do the opposite, but still, I’m here, parked outside with the engine off, trying to build up enough courage to actually get out of my car.

Running my hands down the front of my bright orange sundress, I deeply breathe, open the door, and put one beige, sandal-covered foot on the ground then the other, proud of myself for at least making it out of the car. Shutting the door behind me, I look across the parking lot and pull in another deep breath before heading for the door next to the large gate, which will allow me into the open court where the party is. As soon as I’m there and pull the door open, I’m bombarded with the sound of rock music playing in the background, people talking and laughing, and the smell of booze, cigarettes, and pot.

“This is a bad idea,” I whisper, scanning through the crowd of jean-and-leather-wearing men and barely dressed women for my sister or Wes.

“Pardon?” a deep voice asks from my side, and I jump and turn my head to search the dark. A man steps out of the shadows, causing me to back up. He’s not much taller than me, with blond hair that hits his broad shoulders. He’s pretty, in a masculine way, with a square jaw, full lips, and big blue eyes surrounded by thick lashes.

“Sorry, I was talking to myself,” I tell him, and he grins an eerie grin that doesn’t quite fit the way he looks.

“Do you do that a lot?” he asks, taking a step closer to me, and I instinctively take another step back, wanting to keep space between us.

“Um…” I look around again, praying I see someone familiar.

“What’s your name?” His eyes roam over me as he takes another step closer then reaches out and grabs a piece of my hair, wrapping it around his finger. Alarm bells are going off in my head, telling me to get away, but I feel like my feet have frozen to the concrete below them.

“I…” I pull my head back, taking my hair with it.

“I?” he prompts, tilting his head and taking a step closer.

“Jordan, back the fuck up.”

My head swings around, and my heart, that was beginning to race, topples over itself when my eyes collide with Evan’s. Closing the distance between us, he takes my hand as soon as he’s near.

“Aw, I was just gonna have a little fun with her,” Jordan says, and Evan tugs my hand, forcing me to collide into his side.

“Come near her and I’ll have some fun with you, the kind of fun that will leave you in the hospital,” Evan spits out, sounding serious and scary.

Jordan holds up his hands, scans me once more, sending a wink in my direction, and then turns around and walks back into the shadows, which is not only weird, but is also a little creepy.

“Are you okay?” Evan asks, and my gaze moves from where Jordan disappeared to his eyes.

“Yeah, he just startled me,” I tell him quietly, feeling his hand wrapped around mine, his fingers over the pulse point of my wrist. His touch sends tingles up my arm, causing my breath to come out funny as his eyes roam my face. His touch is so familiar yet so foreign. Even if it’s only a small part of me he’s touching, I feel it everywhere. Dropping my hand, he runs his fingers through his hair, and I immediately miss the way it felt being connected to him. I know it doesn’t make sense, but if it were possible for someone else to have your heart inside of their body, I know he would be carrying mine around.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here,” he says after a moment, and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from asking if it would matter had he known.

“Wes and July asked me to come. I can go if you don’t want me here,” I whisper, and he closes his eyes for a brief moment. When he opens them, he pins me in place with his stare. I see it then, through the yellow light shining around us coming from the fires in barrels and the low lighting off the building above us—

Pain.

A pain so deep that it tears at my soul, ripping it to shreds inside my chest. A pain so harsh, I can feel it like it’s my own.

“Evan,” I exhale, taking a step closer to him, placing my hand on his bicep.

“Don’t.”

“I…” I shake my head, blinking back tears.

“Don’t,” he repeats, taking a step back, and my hand falls from his arm to my side. “Your sister’s inside. Go find her. There are a lot of people here tonight, so stick to her or Wes,” he says sternly then turns and starts to stalk off.

I don’t know what comes over me, but the words are out before I can even think about keeping them in, or filtering them. “I lied.” I’m not sure if my voice is loud enough to be heard, because my heartbeat is thumping wildly in my ears. He stops walking away, and I see his shoulders rise and fall. “It might not matter now…” I pause then pull in a breath through my nose. “I don’t…maybe it never mattered.” I shrug, even though he can’t see it. “You were all I ever wanted,” I say then continue on a whisper, “I believed in you. I believed in us. There was never a time you weren’t good enough for me.” When I finish, I feel my face heat in embarrassment and aggravation. Before I can make an even bigger fool out of myself, I hurry away in search of my sister and alcohol.