Heartthrob

Around the fire at dinner that night, Tally told the story of how she'd hidden in the river when the rangers' helicopter first appeared. She had everyone wide-eyed again. Apparently, she'd had one of the more exciting journeys to the Smoke.

"Can you imagine? I'm naked and crouching down in the water, and this Rusty machine is destroying my camp!"

"Why didn't they land?" Astrix asked. "Didn't they see your stuff?"

"I thought they did."

"The rangers only pick up uglies in the white flowers," David explained. "That's the rendezvous spot we tell runaways to use. They can't just pick up anyone, or they might accidentally bring a spy here."

"I guess you wouldn't want that," Tally said softly.

"Still, they should be more careful with those helicopters," Shay said. "Someone's going to get chopped to pieces one day."

"Tell me about it. The wind almost took my hoverboard away," Tally said. "It lifted my sleeping bag right off the ground and up into the blades. It was totally shredded." She was pleased by the amazement on the faces of her audience.

"So where'd you sleep?" Croy asked.

"It wasn't that bad. It was only for - " Tally stopped herself just in time. She'd spent one night without the sleeping bag, but in her cover story she'd spent four days in the orchids. "It was warm enough."

"You'd better get a new one before bedtime," David said. "It's a lot colder up here than down in the weeds."

"I'll take her over to the trading post," Shay said. "It's like a requisition center, Tally. Only when you get something, you have to leave something else behind as payment."

Tally shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She still hadn't gotten used to the idea that you had topay for things here. "All I've got is SpagBol."

Shay smiled. "That's perfect to trade with. We can't make dehydrated food here, except fruit, and traveling with regular food is a total pain. SpagBol's good as gold."

After dinner, Shay took her to a large hut near the center of town. The shelves were full of things made in the Smoke, along with a few objects that had come from the cities. The city-made stuff was mostly shabby and worn, repaired again and again, but the handmade things fascinated Tally. She ran her still-raw fingers across the clay pots and wooden tools, amazed at how each had its own texture and weight. Everything seemed so heavy and...serious.

An older ugly was running the place, but he wasn't as scary as the Boss. He brought out woolen gear and a few silvery sleeping bags. The blankets, scarves, and gloves were beautiful, in subdued colors and simple patterns, but Shay insisted that Tally get a city-made sleeping bag. "Much lighter, and it squishes up small. Much better for when we go exploring."

"Of course," Tally said, trying to smile. "That'll be great."

She wound up trading twelve packets of SpagBol for another sleeping bag, and six for a handmade sweater, which left her with eight. She couldn't believe that the sweater, brown with bands of pale red and green highlights, cost half as much as the sleeping bag, which was threadbare and patched.

"You're just lucky you didn't lose your water purifier," Shay said as they walked home. "Those things are impossible to trade for."

Tally's eyes widened. "What happens if they break?"

"Well, they say you can drink water from the streams without purifying it."

"You're kidding."

"Nope. A lot of the older Smokies do," Shay said. "Even if they've got a purifier, they don't bother."

"Yuck."

Shay giggled. "Yeah, no kidding. But hey, you can always use mine."

Tally put a hand on Shay's shoulder. "Same goes for mine."

Shay's pace slowed. "Tally?"

"Yeah?"

"You were going to say something to me, back in the library, before the Boss started yelling at you."

Tally's stomach sank. She pulled away, her fingers automatically going to the pendant at her neck.

"Yeah," Shay said. "About that necklace."

Tally nodded, but didn't know how to start. She still hadn't activated the pendant, and since her conversation with David, she wasn't sure she could. Maybe if she returned to the city in a month, starving and empty-handed, Dr. Cable would take mercy on her.

But what if the woman kept her promise, and Tally never got the operation? In twenty-something years, she would be lined and wrinkled, as ugly as the Boss, an outcast. And if she stayed here in the Smoke, she'd be sleeping in an old sleeping bag and dreading the day her water purifier broke down.

She was so tired of lying to everyone. "I haven't told you everything," she started.

"I know. But I think I've got it figured out."

Tally looked at her friend, afraid to speak.

"I mean, it's pretty obvious, right? You're all upset because you broke your promise to me. You didn't keep the Smoke a secret."

Tally's mouth fell open.

Shay smiled, taking her hand. "As you got closer to your birthday, you decided you wanted to run away.

But in the meantime, you met someone. Someone important. The same someone who gave you that heart necklace. So you broke your promise to me. You told that someone where you were going."

"Um, kind of," Tally managed.

Shay giggled. "Iknew it. That's why you've been all nervous. You want to be here, but you also wish you were somewhere else. With someone else. And before you ran away, you left directions, a copy of my note, in case your new heartthrob wants to join us. Am I right or am I right?"

Tally bit her lip. Shay's face glowed in the moonlight, obviously thrilled with herself for figuring out Tally's big secret. "Uh, you're partly right."

"Oh, Tally." Shay grabbed both her shoulders. "Don't you see that it's okay? I mean, I did the same thing."

Tally frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I wasn't supposed to tell anyone I was coming here. David made me promise I wouldn't even tell you."

"Why?"

Shay nodded. "He hadn't met you, and wasn't sure if he could trust you. Normally, runaways only recruit old friends, people they've tricked with for years. But I'd only known you since the beginning of summer. And I never once mentioned the Smoke to you until the day before I left. I was never brave enough, in case you said no."

"So you weren't supposed to tell me?"

"No way. So when you actually showed up, it made everyone nervous. They don't know whether they can trust you. Even David's been acting weird around me."

"Shay, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault!" Shay shook her head vigorously. "It's mine. I screwed everything up. But so what?

Once they get to know you, they'll think you're really cool."

"Yeah," Tally said softly. "Everyone's been really nice." She wished she had activated the pendant the moment she'd gotten there. In only one day she'd begun to realize that it wasn't just Shay's dream she'd be betraying. Hundreds of people had made a life in the Smoke.

"And I'm sure your someone will be cool too," Shay said. "I can't wait till we're all together."

"I don't know if...that's going to happen." There had to be some other way out of this situation. Maybe if she went to another city...or found the rangers again and told them that she wanted to volunteer, they'd make her pretty. But she hardly knew anything about their city, except that she didn't know anyone there....

Shay shrugged. "Maybe not. But I wasn't sure you'd come either." She squeezed Tally's hand. "I'm really glad you did, though."

Tally tried to smile. "Even though I got you into trouble?"

"It's not such a big deal. I think everyone's way too paranoid around here. They spend all this time disguising the place so satellites can't see it, and they mask the handphone transmissions so they won't be intercepted. And all the secrecy about runaways is way overdone. And dangerous. Just think - if you hadn't been smart enough to figure out my directions, you could be halfway to Alaska by now!"

"I don't know, Shay. Maybe they know what they're doing. The city authorities can be pretty tough."

Shay laughed. "Don't tell me you believe in Special Circumstances."

"I..." Tally closed her eyes. "I just think that the Smokies have to be careful."

"Okay, sure. I'm not saying we should advertise. But if people like you and me want to come out here and live differently, why shouldn't we? I mean, no one has the right to tell us we have to be pretty, right?"

"Maybe they're just worried because we're kids. You know?"

"That's the problem with the cities, Tally. Everyone's a kid, pampered and dependent and pretty. Just like they say in school: Big-eyed means vulnerable. Well, like you once told me, you have to grow up sometime."

Tally nodded. "I know what you mean, how the uglies here are more grown up. You can see it in their faces."

Shay pulled Tally to a stop and looked at her closely for a second. "You feel guilty, don't you?"

Tally looked back into Shay's eyes, speechless for a moment. She suddenly felt naked in the cold night air, as if Shay could see straight through her lies.

"What?" she managed.

"Guilty. Not just that you told your someone about the Smoke, but that they might actually come. Now that you've seen the Smoke, you're not sure if that was such a good idea." Shay sighed. "I know it seems weird at first, and it's a lot of hard work. But I think you'll eventually like it."

Tally looked down, feeling tears welling into her eyes. "It's not that. Well, maybe it is. I just don't know if I can..." Her throat felt too full to speak. If she said another word, she'd have to tell Shay the truth: that she was a spy, a traitor sent there to destroy everything around them.

And that Shay was the fool who had led her there.

"Hey, it's okay." Shay gathered Tally in her arms, rocking her gently as Tally began to cry. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to unload everything on you at once. But I've felt kind of distant from you since you got here. It feels like you're not sure you want to look at me."

"I should tell you everything."

"Shhh." Tally felt Shay's fingers stroking her hair. "I'm just glad you're here."

Tally let herself cry, burying her face in the scratchy wool sleeve of her new sweater, feeling Shay's warmth against her, and feeling awful about every gesture of kindness from her friend.

With half her mind, Tally was actually glad she'd come and seen all this. She could have lived her whole life in the city and never seen this much of the world. With the other half, Tally still wished she had activated the pendant the moment she'd arrived in the Smoke. It would have been so much easier that way.

But there was no way back in time now. She had to decide whether to betray the Smoke or not, completely understanding what it would do to Shay, to David, to everyone here.

"It's okay, Tally," Shay murmured. "You'll be okay."