I pulled away from his touch, standing from the desk so abruptly my chair fell back onto the floor with a loud clack. My cheeks heated and I couldn’t look at him anymore. I felt like I was floating underwater. How had we gone from gentle ribbing to this?

I had to get out of there because I seriously couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t love me. It wasn’t safe. He just . . . couldn’t.

“I, um, I just remembered I have a thing. I have to go,” I blurted.

“A thing?” Stu quirked a brow, not believing me for a second.

“Yes, that’s right, a thing,” I answered as I hurriedly collected my belongings.

“Andrea,” Stu called after me as I turned and fled the classroom like a bat out of hell.

Twenty-Seven

By the time I reached my car I was hyperventilating. Why did he have to go and say that? Why?

We were having a perfectly nice time. Not to mention we’d agreed to forget everything that happened before. I was just supposed to be his teacher and he was just supposed to be my student. Had we been kidding ourselves?

Um, that would a yes, Andie.

I practically dove into my car, already twisting my ring around and around in sheer anxiety and fear. My stomach was all-aflutter, and I couldn’t make sense of what I was feeling. Was I sad? Happy? He wasn’t supposed to love me. That wasn’t a part of the plan. I’d been loved before and I’d lost it. The very idea of going through all that again made me feel vaguely nauseous.

At once I understood exactly why I still wore my ring. It wasn’t simply sentimentality.

It was a reminder of the pain.

A constant symbol of all I’d lost. Perhaps subconsciously I thought that if I kept the pain at the forefront of my memory I wouldn’t let it happen again. It was self-preservation, plain and simple.

Yet, here I was. A man loved me and . . .

And . . .

I loved him, too.

The realisation hit me like one of those old-school defibrillators shocking me in the chest. My heart literally hurt. Was it possible for emotional pain to turn physical? All I knew was I’d never felt like this before. It was new and strange and terrifying.

The door of the college swung open and Stu emerged, looking from left to right as though searching for me. The moment I saw him I sped out of the car park almost as quickly as I’d fled the classroom. When I reached my flat I slammed the door shut and flicked over all the locks. My heart pounded at the thought of Stu following me back here.

Alfie sat on the floor, his legs folded as he sipped on a cup of tea like a little Buddha. He frowned in concern when he saw how worked up I was.

“Andie, what happened?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. Nothing.”

Striding down the hallway, I shut myself inside my bedroom. My phone vibrated in my bag, but I didn’t need to check to know who it was. I ignored it and flopped onto my bed, burying my face in the pillows as I continued to ride out the anxiety attack. I’d experienced them a time or two in the past, mostly in the months after Mark passed and I was suddenly faced with the reality of a life without him. He was my best friend, and I didn’t know how I would be able to go on. But I had. And I had fallen in love with another man.

I didn’t know how much time had passed when there was a gentle knock on my door. It was Alfie.

“Andie, are you sure nothing happened? You’re worrying me.”

“Everything’s fine, but I think I’m coming down with a bug. I’m just going to stay in bed for a while.”

“Oh,” he replied, uncertainty in his voice. There was a pause before he continued. “Well I’m going to visit Jamie. He’s hosting that Go tournament at the shop tomorrow, and I told him I’d help with the preparations. Do you want me to bring anything back for you?”

“No, thanks,” I answered quietly.

“Okay, get some rest,” said Alfie and then I heard him leaving the flat.

A little while later there was a knock on the front door. When nobody immediately answered I heard Stu call, “Andrea, let me in. I just want to talk.”

My pulse raced as I willed him to leave. I knew I was being horrible, but I hadn’t calmed down enough yet to face him. I needed a night to just formulate my thoughts and figure out what I was going to say.

“Andrea! Please.” There was a loud bang and then I heard one of my neighbours complaining about the noise. It sounded like they’d gotten into an argument and I groaned. I had to go out there before things escalated further. Climbing out of bed I hurried down the hallway and opened the door. Stu faced a man who lived in one of the other flats, his hands fisted and his shoulders tense as he told him to mind his own business.

I grabbed his arm and yanked him inside before he could say anything else. His body fell into mine as I closed the door, his hand going to my waist to steady our balance. My top slid up a little and I gasped at the feel of his hand on my bare skin. Stu made a weird grunting sound and pulled away, but it seemed like it took effort.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m the one who should be apologising. I can’t believe I ran off on you back there. It was a truly awful thing to do but I just . . . panicked.”

Stu grimaced and reached out as though to comfort me in some way. I froze and he withdrew his hand, rubbing his neck instead. “I didn’t say it to scare you. I didn’t mean to say it at all. It just slipped out.”

I nodded and stared at him, not knowing how to respond.

Stu shook his head and levelled his eyes on me. “No, slipped out isn’t the right way to describe it. It burst out, because Andrea, I’ve felt that way about you for a long time. Every time I see you I want to say it, but I have to bite my tongue. It was only natural that I finally told you how I feel.”

I looked away, focusing on the floor. “I thought we agreed to a clean slate. I thought you wanted to forget everything that happened before.”

“I did, but I can’t forget how I feel for you.”

“Stu, please—”

“No, Andrea, you need to listen. I love you. I love everything about you, your kindness, your open heart, your beauty. But look, I’m not an idiot. I know you don’t feel the same way yet. How could you after what I did? But I’m going to make you see I’m worth it. We’re worth it, luv. One of these days you’re going to look at me and think, now there’s a bloke I could fall in love with.”