But no, not here, not in front of Stu Cross. I could wait for privacy, until there were no judging eyes present, just my four bedroom walls and my pillow to comfort me and soak up my tears.

“You all right?” Stu asked, laying a hand on my shoulder, his voice soft.

And just like that, as though all I needed was a sympathetic word and a light touch, I broke. In spite of my determination to put up a strong front, all my pent-up sadness, feelings of inadequacy, fear of losing everything, utter indignation erupted, and I was helpless to do anything about it. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I turned away from him and dug in my handbag for some Kleenex. All I found was a crumpled napkin. I used it dab my eyes in an effort to hide my tears. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do to cover up the sniffling.

“Ah fuck, come here.” He wrapped his arm around my waist again and pulled me into his warm chest. “Hush, I’ve got you,” he whispered as he turned me and I buried my face in his neck, unprepared to let him see my blotchy cheeks.

Stu’s hand drifted comfortingly down my back, coming to rest at the base of my spine. There he started to rub soothing circles as his other arm held me to him. It felt so good to be held by another human being that I simply sank into the embrace, helpless to resist the comfort.

“You’re okay, I’ve got you,” Stu murmured, his lips in my hair as he pressed a light kiss to the top of my head. Tingles radiated down my spine from his voice alone. I could lose myself in these arms. How was I still this attracted to him when I knew it wasn’t reciprocated?

He smelled so good. I couldn’t help inhaling his masculine scent. There was something incredibly comforting about it, something that made me feel protected. I paused, hoping he hadn’t noticed me practically nuzzling his neck. But he just continued rubbing circles, letting me cry it out. After another minute or two I drew away, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Earlier today we’d fought. I’d been horrible to him and here he was defending me against threatening money collectors and holding me as I cried. I didn’t feel like I deserved it, even if he had used me before.

His hazel eyes looked me over as I dabbed the remaining wetness from my face. I couldn’t look at him, and instead stared at the ground as I asked quietly, “Why did you come?”

“I didn’t like how we left things.”

I glanced up, studying his expression and seeing nothing but remorse.

Stu raked a hand through his hair. “Andrea, listen I—”

“Do you want to come in for tea?” I cut him off, feeling too raw to continue standing on my doorstep with a red post-crying face.

“Yes,” he answered, his voice still soft. Maybe he thought that if he spoke normally I’d break down again. Now that my crying jag was over I felt more embarrassment creeping in.

Busying myself with picking my keys up off the ground and opening the door, I led him inside the flat. The distinct tones of Rachmaninov echoed from Alfie’s room so I knew he was busy at work. He always listened to classical music when he painted. Seemingly hearing us come in, the music shut off and my cousin emerged from his room.

There was dark blue paint in his hair and his fingers were stained black. I took this to mean he’d started working on the piece for Stu. He also had his laptop tucked under his arm, which made me think he’d come out to show me something. Really though, I was glad of his presence, because I felt like I needed a buffer. My emotions were too close to the surface.

Alfie looked between the two of us, his concerned gaze falling on me the longest. “Andie, is everything okay? You look upset.”

Before I could answer Stu spoke. “There was a piece-of-shit money collector outside coming the hard man with her. I ran him off.”

“Oh,” Alfie exclaimed, his hand going to his heart. “Was it the same man from yesterday? I’ll admit I was too scared to answer the door when I saw him.”

“Yes,” I said, nodding, “it was the same guy.”

“Well, in that case I suppose thanks are in order,” he said to Stu somewhat warily. “I’m not sure what Andie would’ve done if you hadn’t been there.”

I huffed at this, not liking the insinuation that I was a weak, defenceless little woman, even if admittedly, I had been a tad weak and defenceless.

“No worries,” said Stu, noticing my tense posture. Sure, I’d just been crying my eyes out, but it wasn’t like I wouldn’t have survived the encounter if it weren’t for him. I just wouldn’t have had a soothing shoulder to cry on afterwards. No big deal.

A moment of quiet ensued as I went to put the kettle on and Alfie perched himself on a stool by the counter. Stu went and took a seat by the window, his face etched with thought. What on earth was going through his mind now?

“Pssst,” Alfie whispered over the noise of the kettle, gesturing for me to come closer.

“What?” I mouthed.

“Don’t you think we should help him? Not to be mean, but he doesn’t strike me as the sharpest tool in the shed. This Duke character could be setting him up. We should let him tell us his plan for the robbery, like I offered last night.”

I frowned just as Stu spoke up. “I can hear you, you know.”

Alfie wore a sheepish expression. “Sorry.”

“And just so you know, I’m not as dumb as I look.”

“You’re right, I apologise,” said Alfie, appearing embarrassed. “I’m afraid I fall victim to stereotyping from time to time. And you’re right, just because your muscles are big doesn’t mean your brain is small.”

Stu tilted his head from side to side, like his neck was tense. “People always make the same assumption about me. I’m used to it.” The way he spoke made my chest ache, and I wished I could go over and give him a hug. Had people always judged him on the way he looked?

“Yes well, most people are small-minded,” I said. “They don’t realise that there are many different kinds of intelligence.”

“And that right there is why you’re such a wonderful teacher,” said Alfie. “You can find a talent in everyone.”

Stu’s gaze heated as he watched me and I shifted from foot to foot. His expression gave me butterflies. I busied myself making us all tea as Alfie turned to ponder Stu.

“So, would you like my advice?”

“Your advice?”