“You didn’t lose anything,” I said fiercely, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You held it together. You brought yourself back and did the right thing.”

“I didn’t feel like I had it together,” he said softly, holding my gaze. “There was a minute there—I didn’t know you—I didn’t know anything, except how the power felt. And Aunt Tatiana was there, screaming in my head. She’s still there, even while I’m talking to you. I think . . .” He took a deep breath. “I think I’m definitely ready to go back on my meds. I don’t know what’ll happen if a time comes when I need spirit and can’t use it . . . but there’s no way I can risk losing myself like I almost did today. I can’t be like Nina. Like Avery.”

I buried my face into his chest. “You won’t be. You already have proven you aren’t. You stepped back when they couldn’t. And whatever happens, you won’t have to face it alone. I’ll help you.” Tears came to my eyes again, and this time, they were tears of happiness. “I think we did it—I think we might be free of the Alchemists. I’ve been wheeling and dealing, and . . . well, I don’t know if it’ll work, but it looks like it might. And . . .” I started laughing, realizing I was babbling. “I don’t know what’s coming next, but I do know we’ll be together.”

Adrian caught my left hand with his, letting our wedding rings shine together in a glittering display of rubies and diamonds. “That’s all that matters, Sage-Ivashkov. Well, that and me having to put the smackdown on Castile if he doesn’t finally get his act together with Jill.”

I turned to where Eddie was sitting with Jill, holding her hand and speaking earnestly. I laughed again. “I think you’d lose in a smackdown with him, no offense. But fortunately, I think he’s finally coming around.”

I watched Eddie and Jill a few more moments, unable to hear what they were saying. From her shining face, it was good news. She touched his unshaven face and smiled, apparently liking the scruffiness Adrian always teased him about. Leaning into Adrian, I sighed happily, feeling at peace with the world for the first time in a very long time. We sat there, holding each other, for several peaceful minutes until we saw Dimitri approaching.

“Any news?” I asked, lifting my head.

“Take that feeder,” Dimitri told another guardian walking behind him. The man hurried to obey. “We found more Moroi.”

“The others being held,” said Jill. She glanced between Rose and Eddie. “I told you guys about them. Are they okay?”

“Yes,” said Dimitri. “Malnourished, like you. But they’ll be all right. Neil played a huge role in rescuing them. They were in a very difficult, almost cavern-like prison that required a fair amount of climbing.”

“Neil’s a good guy like that,” Adrian said. “Where is he?”

Dimitri looked perplexed. “I actually thought he was coming back here.” He touched his earpiece. “Does anyone have a visual on Neil Raymond?” We all watched in silence as Dimitri waited for a response. At last, he shook his head. “No one’s seen him.”

Adrian and I exchanged glances, the same thought hitting us. “Get everyone looking for him,” Adrian said. “Now. If you don’t find him right away, I have a feeling you won’t ever.”

Dimitri looked astonished by that declaration but nonetheless ordered a camp-wide search for Neil. Eddie looked both concerned and confused. “Do you think he’s hurt? Or captured?”

I shook my head. “I think he saw an opportunity. And we have to stop him.”

But we were too late, and after an hour, nothing came back from Dimitri’s searches. Neil had performed his heroics and then disappeared.

“He knew,” Adrian said. “He knew that as soon as this was over, I was going to start a hard sell on Declan. This is my fault.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Rose. She could tell something was afoot and had been waiting not so patiently during the search. “Is Declan okay?”

“He’s fine,” Adrian said, but again we exchanged looks, neither of us able to give voice to our fears. If we’d lost Neil, what was going to happen to Declan? Adrian shook his head. “I’ll find Neil in a dream.”

“Adrian,” I warned. “You just said—”

“I know, I know,” he said with a groan. “But we have to find Neil. You know why.”

Here it was, spirit threatening us again. “Even if you find him in the dream world, that’s no guarantee he’ll come back to us in the waking one,” I reminded Adrian.

“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” asked Eddie. “Why wouldn’t Neil come back?”

I laced my fingers with Adrian’s. “Let’s just get back to Declan. Then we’ll figure out what to do about Neil.”

Even though they didn’t know the whole story, Rose, Dimitri, and Eddie wanted to go back to Clarence’s with Adrian and me in the hopes of tracking down Neil. Jill wanted to as well, but she was taken away to Court, both to be under Lissa’s protection and to receive further medical treatment. I could tell it was agonizing for Eddie to part with her, but Neil was his friend, and they’d saved each other’s lives more than once. I pretended not to see as Eddie kissed Jill goodbye and promised to see her soon.

Back at Clarence’s, we found things as we’d left them. Clarence was resting in his room, and Daniella was in the living room, going on about how Declan needed pajamas made of organic cotton rather than “God-knows-what” kind of cotton. She told us, much to our complete astonishment, that Neil had been by.

“What?” exclaimed Adrian.

“Just this morning,” she said. “Came by and held the baby for a while. Didn’t say much. Then he was on his way. I thought you knew.”

I had picked up Declan and was cradling him in my arms, surprised that I’d missed his warmth and, for lack of a better term, baby scent. Adrian stood by me and shared my surprise. “We had no idea,” he said.

“He left this,” Daniella added. She handed over a sealed envelope that Adrian tore into immediately. Inside was a handwritten letter that Adrian opened so that we both could read it.

Adrian and Sydney,

I know each of you have your own ways of figuring out where I am. If that’s the course of action you choose to take, nothing I do can stop you. But, I’m begging you, please don’t. Please let me stay away. Let the guardians think I’ve gone AWOL. Let me wander the world, helping those I can.