"But what happens when I give it away? Do I die earlier? Am I more likely to go to hell? What's the price of a piece of my soul?"

Holiday shrugged. "Well, if you do indeed have the ability to raise the dead, the price varies. If it's ordained by the gods, then its cost to you is nothing. It even adds to your soul."

"How do you know if it's ordained?" Kylie asked.

"You'll just know. The powers that be will make it very clear."

Kylie shivered a bit at the mention of the powers that be. She hesitated to ask her next question, but as she'd told Holiday earlier, ignorance was a lousy form of protection. "And if it's not ordained?"

"Then the price is based on the quality of life that the person goes on to live. If they live a good life, the price is very low. Practically moot. If they abuse life, or the lives of others, then it can nip at your soul. Their sins, in a small way, become your sins. I'm not sure how accountable one is held for these sins, but I've heard emotionally it can leave you feeling empty. And yes, the less soul you have, the shorter the life you usually live."

Kylie frowned. "Kind of makes you not want to bring anyone back."

"Well, I'm sure it was designed that way so it gives people pause. As hard as it is, death is a part of life. But we're probably discussing this for nothing, Kylie. Just because you think you might have brought a bird back to life doesn't mean you have this gift."

Kylie wanted to believe what Holiday was saying was true, but she wasn't sure she did. "Does healing someone take a part of my soul? I mean, if bringing someone to life does, it makes sense that healing them might, too."

"Not like it does raising the dead," Holiday said. "It does drain you, though."

Kylie remembered how tired she'd felt after healing Sara and then Lucas.

"I'd like for you and Helen to work together on this," Holiday said. "Maybe even meet regularly like a species group."

Kylie raised an eyebrow and suspected she knew what Holiday was up to. "Because I don't belong to a group, right? That's why you're doing this?"

Holiday rolled her eyes. "You belong here at Shadow Falls. Just because you don't belong to a certain group doesn't mean anything."

Kylie nodded. "I like Helen."

After a few minutes of just listening to nature, she told Holiday all about the blue jay's little dog-and-pony shows. Holiday didn't have an explanation for the bird's pop-in visits, except to say that maybe the bird was only a fledgling and it sort of imprinted on her, meaning it thought Kylie was his mother.

"God, I hope not. Because I'm not chewing up worms and barfing into its mouth. I mean, I know that's what mama birds do."

Holiday laughed.

Kylie looked at her friend and counselor, and the most important question of all popped out. "Does any of this give you any clue as to what I am?"

Holiday frowned. "I wish it did."

"What if I never find out? What if I go through my life never knowing?"

"That's not likely," Holiday said. "Almost every week, we discover something else about you. Sooner or later, something is going to point you in the right direction."

Kylie looked down and watched an ant move across the porch. "I think Lucas wants me to be werewolf."

"Yes, but what Lucas wants isn't important."

Something told Kylie that Holiday understood the reason Lucas wanted this. She almost asked, but she wasn't sure she was ready to talk about it.

"You will be what you are, and whatever it is, you will be fine. Everyone has to accept that and love you for who you are; it doesn't really matter where your heritage comes from."

For some reason, Kylie remembered Derek saying pretty much the same thing.

Holiday's phone rang. She looked at the number and then glanced at Kylie.

"Who is it?" Kylie asked, sensing it was about her.

"Derek again."

Kylie sighed. Why did just hearing his name still sting?

Chapter Twenty-three

Kylie nibbled, without appetite, at her hamburger and fries at dinner that night while sitting between Della and Miranda at the dining hall. When asked, Miranda confessed she hadn't yet spoken to Perry about the dance/dragon thing from last night.

Miranda said that she'd gotten another phone call from the cute warlock back home and he'd arranged to pick her up Friday evening and take her out to dinner. "What am I going to say to Perry?" she asked. "'Hey, I'd like to just talk to you to see if we might have a chance, but first I'd like to go out on a date with another guy and see if I like him better'?"

Both Kylie and Della agreed it would be a difficult conversation. But they suggested Miranda at least thank Perry for standing up for her against Clark.

In truth, Kylie hoped Miranda would talk to Perry and cancel her date with the cute warlock. Kylie had nothing against cute warlocks, but Perry was one of their own.

Kylie placed a greasy fry in her mouth and tried to pretend she was hungry. When she glanced up, she noticed Lucas sitting with his pack of weres; their eyes met across the rows of hungry teens munching on burgers. He smiled, and Kylie returned the smile. He'd asked her to sit with him at the weres' table. She would have, even knowing it would be uncomfortable sitting with a group of his friends who didn't want him to see her. She would have done it because if Lucas could stand up to them, then so would she. But Della was her shadow, and Kylie knew the little vamp would have had a fit if she'd asked her to sit with the were group. So Kylie had refrained.