Bite My Tongue

Look," Arianna snapped. She slammed to a stop in front of my school so fast I was nearly strangled by my seat belt. "If you don't want to hang out with me, fine. But don't just ditch me and then go stay with a friend for two days without even bothering to call." Huge shades covered half her face, but I could read it well enough by now. She was hurt.

"I emailed," I said lamely.

"Yeah. Great. Just-whatever. Get out."

I opened my door and stepped out onto the curb. "Thanks for the-" She peeled out, the forward momentum of the car slamming the door.

Fabulous. What a nice way to start my first morning back. I hadn't meant to abandon her-really. None of this was my fault. I'd practically been kidnapped by Jack, after all.

"Evie, are you okay?"

I looked up into Carlee's concerned face. I hadn't realized I was still standing on the curb, shoulders slumped and head down. "I'm just tired."

That was an understatement. I'd barely slept at all the past two nights on Raquel's couch. Not only was I freaked out at being stuck in the Center, but for such a small woman, Raquel snores like a hippo. Go figure. Jack, the little fink, finally showed up this morning, and I barely made it back in time for first period. One stupid mission and I felt completely sucked back into IPCA-Raquel had even asked me to file reports on unaccounted-for elementals while we waited for Jack to wander back in. I had a sneaking suspicion that she loved every minute of it and that, if she had her way, I'd move back in.

The bleep I would.

"We have fitness testing today in gym-don't forget." Carlee walked ahead of me, her step light and bouncy.

I jostled my way through the student throng. Faerie fears, sylph paranoia, and as always my increasing guilt over not telling Lend he was immortal twisted together in my stomach. Now I could add lying to him about working for IPCA again. That's what made this the hardest-not being able to talk to my best friend about everything.

I stood in front of my locker, hand on the lock. And, for the first time since I got it, I couldn't remember my combination. "Bleep," I muttered. Even my locker was losing its charm.

"I don't think Miss Lynn'll let you be sick again. She hates you," Carlee said.

"I know."

"No, she, like, really hates you."

"No, I, like, really know. Trust me."

She sat down on the bench next to me, where I was still contemplating the pile of yellow and brown putridness that was my gym clothes.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Carlee was my friend. Why not try being honest with her for once? "I'm worried that I'm dying, faeries might be launching another offensive to steal me, and also I can't get this strange tingling sensation out of my hands since I sucked some of the soul from a sylph, which I definitely should not have done."

She blinked. Slowly.

"Kidding." I flashed her a grimace that I hoped would pass for a smile. "Haven't been sleeping enough."

"Oh. That's easy. Drink chamomile tea before bed. My mom totally swears by it."

"Chamomile tea. Will do." No doubt that would solve all my problems.

"So, about the other day."

Oh, Jack. We hadn't talked since she backed me up. "Thanks again, by the way. You saved my butt with Miss Lynn."

"Of course! But who was that guy?"

I rolled my eyes. "A nuisance."

"Because, well, John and I broke up again, and that guy was pretty cute, and I was thinking maybe-"

"NO!"

Her eyes widened in shock. "I'm sorry, I . . ."

"No, really, I mean, he's kind of crazy, you know? Like, unstable. And he refuses to take his medication."

"Really? Bummer. Those dimples . . ."

"Totally psychotic!"

She shrugged, smiling as she stood up. "Better get dressed."

"Green!"

"Too late," Carlee whispered.

Miss Lynn came around the corner of the row of lockers, glaring daggers. No, daggers would be too delicate a weapon for her. Glaring sledgehammers was probably more appropriate.

"What?" I asked with a sigh.

She jerked her thumb toward the door. "Office."

I stood up, sputtering. "I'm not tardy! I haven't done anything wrong today!"

"Family emergency," she growled. "Get out of here."

"I-oh. Okay."

Checked out again? What was Raquel doing? I had the communicator in my bag. She definitely hadn't been trying to get ahold of me in the few hours since I left.

Still, the timing couldn't be better. I threw my gym clothes into the locker and tried to look nervous as I walked past Miss Lynn. Really it was all I could do not to skip. I didn't even care if I was kidnapped again, as long as it got me out of gym.

I threw open the door to the office and stopped in my tracks. No Raquel this time. It was Lend's dad.

Or at least as far as the flirty attendance secretary was concerned, it was my legal guardian, David. She couldn't see straight through the glamour to the clear-as-water-barely-there face of Lend.

He turned and smiled at me with his dad's face, and after a few seconds I was able to replace my shocked expression with what I hoped was a foster-daughterly smile. "Umm, hey."

"Thanks again, Sheila," Lend-as-David said, smiling at her. I didn't know whether to be jealous, mortified, or amused by her googly-eyed grin.

I walked stiffly next to him out into the parking lot, loving that he was here, wanting nothing more than to throw my arms around him and get the hug I so desperately needed today, but not about to do that when he looked like his dad.

We climbed into his car and I looked over, trying to see onlyhim underneath his glamour. "What's my family emergency?"

"I've been worried. You haven't answered your phone in a couple of days."

That would be because the underground Center had zero cell reception. "I lost it," I lied, hating myself.

"I figured. Being worried was just an excuse to break you out." He flashed a grin, pulled out of the lot, and drove through the tree-lined streets toward the freeway. "My afternoon class got canceled, and I had a sneaking suspicion you wouldn't mind missing gym."

"Gorgeous and smart. I'm a lucky girl. But, umm, it's kind of creeping me out to be attracted to you when you look exactly like your dad. Glamour shift?"

He laughed, his dad's face shimmering into Lend's standard dark-eyed dark-haired hottie. "Better?"

"Definitely. I won't need therapy now. Well, much."

He laughed again, reaching out and taking my hand in his. "Still, it's a nice trick for rescuing my girlfriend from torture."

"I'm not complaining." I settled back in my seat, loving the feeling of Lend's skin on mine. I never got tired of the contours of his palm, the way his fingers laced through mine like they were designed to fit together, or how he unconsciously stroked my thumb with his. This was where I belonged.

He pulled off in an unfamiliar area, parking in front of a hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurant.

"What are we doing?"

"We're going to see if we can't finally find something too hot for you."

Ever since he found out a few months ago that I could eat spicy foods-ridiculously spicy foods-without batting an eye, he'd made it his personal mission to find something too hot for my tastes.

"Just because you've got a wimpy tongue doesn't mean I do," I said.

He smiled slyly at me. "Wimpy tongue, huh? I'll have to show you what it can do later."

I smacked him in the shoulder, unable to hold back another laugh. "Oh, I'm a fan of your tongue, no worries there."

"I'd like to get that printed on a shirt."

"At least I know what to get you for Christmas."

We walked into the restaurant, and an hour later walked back out. Lend scowled in frustration. "One of these days I will find something too spicy for you."

"Too bad we'll have to go on so many dates while you search."

"Alas, all noble causes require sacrifice."

We drove back toward home, but rather than taking me to the apartment, Lend turned down a narrow road that led into the trees and meandered around until it dead-ended.

My communicator beeped loudly in my backpack and I jumped. Lend looked over, raising an eyebrow. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, I was busted.

"Looks like we found your phone."

I let out a nervous bark of a laugh. "Yeah. In my backpack the whole time. Whoops." He smiled and parked while I tried to calm down my heart. Keeping secrets was going to kill me one of these days.

He turned off the engine. "This is our stop." I looked around, seeing nothing but trees. He pulled a couple of blankets out of the back, then opened my door for me.

We walked through the woods and stopped at a tranquil pond. The autumn leaves reflected around the edges, making it look like the water was burning. Lend spread one of the blankets out on the ground and lay back on it, patting the space next to him. I started to cuddle in, then sat up, looking warily at the water.

"Your mom isn't in there, is she?"

He laughed. "No. It's just been too long since I was around water."

I frowned, troubled. Was water calling to him now or something? Or did he simply find it soothing because of his childhood? I lay back down, snuggling into his side with my head on his chest. The hand stroking my hair lost its pigment and I released my breath and smiled, even though I couldn't see his face. He was still my Lend. The Lend no one else could see.

"I haven't seen my mom in a while," he said, a hint of worry in his voice.

"You haven't?"

"No. I think this might be the longest she's ever gone without showing up."

Something from one of the forms I'd filed tickled my memory-something about being unable to account for local elementals. I made a mental note to ask Raquel about it, since I couldn't very well bring it up with Lend.

Wanting him to talk, I asked, "What was it like, having her as a mom?"

He shrugged, my head on his chest rising with the gesture. "I don't know-it's not like I have anything to compare it to. I think my dad compensated the best he could, and when I was a kid I didn't know any better. He had to keep me isolated, so I figured most moms were sometimes there and sometimes not, talked funny, and gave their kids presents of tropical fish schools in the middle of a pond in Virginia."

"I think it sounds sweet."

"It was. I love my mom. It was hard for a while, when I realized we'd never really share a life, but it is what it is. And I know she loves me."

"How could she not?" A familiar ache settled into my chest. Even Lend with his water elemental mom at least had that: the knowledge that he was and always had been loved. And always would be, too, since he would live forever just like Cresseda.

"Do you ever wonder, if maybe yours are still . . ." he asked, trailing off, but I knew how he'd finish. Out there. If somewhere my parents (if I even had parents) were living and going about their normal lives. Without me.

"I don't know. I don't like to think about it. What if they really did just abandon me, give me to the faeries? Or what if I was made-if the faeries were-are-I don't know. It's not worth thinking about."

He reached up and stroked my hair. We'd talked about my family issues before, but what was the point? I wasn't getting any answers, and I didn't like the questions. I'd never had a real home or a mom who brought me schools of fish for entertainment, and I never would. It was fine. I was fine.

"It's been too long since we got to be together like this," Lend said after a few silent minutes. His real voice was like a cascade, warm and liquid and so deliciously sexy I could listen to nothing else for the rest of my life and be perfectly content. I let it work its way through me, releasing the tension I'd built up in my shoulders. That stuff didn't matter. This was what mattered.

"Mmm hmm." I closed my eyes and breathed him in. A cold breeze stirred over us, and I felt my hair lift in response, all my limbs feeling lighter, disconnected and more connected at the same time. It was like my body answered the wind.

That was new. I darted a quick glance at the sky, but there were no signs of sylphs. Lend pulled the other blanket on top, disconnecting me from the breeze. I was both relieved and strangely disappointed at the loss of the new sensation.

"Tell me about school," I said, banishing all thoughts of paranormals. Besides us, of course.

I listened, half paying attention to his excited stories of professors and classes as I enjoyed the rise and fall of his chest. He was always so animated, talking about schedules for the next year, seminars, internships. His goal was to get degrees in biology and zoology, then pursue a masters in zoology, with the end being intensive studies of cryptozoology, studying the creatures on the verge of science. Given what he knew, he had a natural advantage. And really, it was perfect for him. He could be normal but still help the paranormals he loved so much. His main aspiration right now was to study werewolves and try to isolate what caused it-maybe even cure it.

He loved thinking about, planning for, and working toward the future. It made my heart ache. I wondered again how things would change when he found out he wasn't mortal. Would he still be so set on this future he'd mapped out? Or would it feel pointless to him in light of the fact that he had eternity? Would he switch to immortal pursuits like . . . umm, living in ponds and dispensing incomprehensible advice?

I wondered what was wrong with me, too. I didn't have any goals. Whenever I tried to think of something I'd be happy doing for the rest of my life, I could only worry that the rest of my life wouldn't be long enough to do anything at all. I desperately wanted to go to Georgetown, but that was just so I could be with Lend. My future felt like a huge blank, dependent on variables I couldn't control.

"I still haven't decided whether or not I should go to med school. But where else am I going to study cellular biology?" He sighed, then laughed. "Okay, enough of that. What have you been up to the last couple of days?"

I bit my lip. The whole poltergeist thing wasn't worth mentioning. Or the faerie. Or agreeing to one stupid assignment with IPCA and getting stuck in the Center. It'd bother him, and, really, it hadn't been that big a deal. But it would be nice to be able to talk with him about how bad I missed Lish lately, how weird not being able to go in my old unit was, how being with Raquel made me happy and annoyed at the same time.

Too bad I couldn't.

"Oh, you know. The usual. With you gone and Easton Heights in reruns, my life is a black hole of boredom and despair."

"So basically you've been doing homework."

"Like I said, black hole."

He stroked my hair while I tried not to think about all the things I wasn't telling him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Snuggly?"

"No, I mean, after the sylph. Nothing weird?"

Arguably the tingles I was feeling right now in the breeze could be from any number of sources, not the least of which was my incredibly hot boyfriend playing with my hair. "Nope."

"What about everything else?"

It was an open question, but I knew what he was talking about. Reth and Vivian, the only ones who understood what I was-an Empty One-had warned me that I'd burn through my own soul fast. I sighed, pushing up onto my elbows. I pulled open the neck of my shirt and looked at my heart.

Liquid gold flames swirled lazily, bright enough to see only when I was looking right at them. "No change, really." I didn't know whether that was a good thing or not. I looked at them so often it was hard to tell whether they were getting dimmer or brighter. Then a bright spark flashed right in the middle, making me grimace. That was new.

Lend sat up, craning his neck to see down my shirt, which I hurriedly pushed back into place. "Last time I checked, you couldn't see souls."

He shrugged, an exaggerated look of innocence on his face. "Still, it wouldn't hurt for me to try, would it?"

"You have got to be the most selfless boyfriend alive."

"Like I said, anything worthwhile is worth making sacrifices for."

"Speaking of which, weren't you going to give me a tongue demonstration?"

All too soon Lend had to take me back to school in time for English. Before we turned onto the main road, he put his usual glamour back in place. I bit back a wry smile, remembering how weird it had been to see him as his dad. And then it hit me, the solution to the whole immortal problem.

Lend never needed to know.