And he’s nailed the dilemma. Balancing pros and cons, trying to figure out what my priorities are and where I need to be focusing my attention. Avenging Sela and ridding this world of JT, or living happily ever after with a kernel of regret for letting him go free. Those are my choices and they are not easy ones to make.

“Regardless of what you decide,” Dennis continues in a low voice, “you’ve got to let some time pass before you move on it. You’ve got to start publicly repairing your relationship with him, and get some distance between you and the tension you two have exhibited to others over the past months. It might mean you need to continue working side by side with him for months to make sure you are shown in the best possible light. Think you could honestly do that?”

“No,” I say immediately. “I can’t be around him. If JT stays in The Sugar Bowl, I’m going to need to walk. I can’t live that type of lie.”

“Then my advice is still the same,” he says. “Let JT buy you out. Make it amicable. Part on good terms. Then you walk and don’t look back. When some time has passed, and if you still need vengeance, then we’ll talk some more and I’ll get you set up.”

After the waiter brings out our meals, which look delicious, and leaves, I ask Dennis, “So what’s up for you after your trip to Vegas?”

“I’ve actually got a wedding to attend in Ireland this weekend, so I’ll fly out from Vegas to New York, and from there into Shannon. My cousin’s getting married and I will take any excuse to get back to the motherland. While I’m not a big fan of weddings in general, Irish ones are a hell of a lot of fun.”

“Yeah…red hair, fair skin, tough-as-nails attitude, and boyish charm. I kind of pegged you as Irish,” I say with a smirk as I cut into a huge scallop. “But I don’t detect an accent.”

“I was born in New York, but both my parents are from Ballinderreen, a little village in County Galway. They’re Irish folk musicians and emigrated to the Big Apple to see if they could find their fame and fortune there.”

“And did they?”

“No more than what they found playing in the local pubs back home,” Dennis says with a laugh. “But they liked the opportunities, especially for their kids, so they stayed.”

“You go to Ireland a lot?” I ask.

“I do,” he says while lifting a bite of steak to his mouth. “And I don’t have any major projects on tap, so I’m going to stay there for a few days, then I have a guys’ trip planned to do some deep-sea fishing down in Panama. Wanna come?”

“Who are the ‘guys’?” I ask.

“People who could potentially help you down the road one day,” he says with a knowing smile.

“I think I’ll pass,” I say with a chuckle. “You told me to be all straight and narrow in case I need help with JT down the road. I don’t think a trip on the books with your boys would look good.”

“That’s true,” he says as he cuts another bite of steak. “Maybe one day…after all this shit’s done.”

“One day,” I agree.

We enjoy our meal and discuss other things that don’t revolve around bribes and murder. We talk like friends, and this I like a lot. There’s no doubt that once this period of my life starts receding into the distance, Dennis Flaherty will remain a friend to me and Sela. I hope Dennis can find love again, because he deserves to have what I’ve found.

The day is half over and it’s been productive so far. I have my attorney working on the necessary paperwork to get JT out of my business. Dennis is taking care of the payoff to VanZant. And this evening, Caroline and Ally are coming to dinner. Actually, I’m going to take Ally out to dinner and Caroline and Sela are going to talk over wine and cheese. Or maybe pizza and beer, who knows.

This was Sela’s idea. She wants Caroline to know what happened to her and that she now has someone she can talk to about it. Someone who understands the pain, humiliation, and self-hatred. I have no idea how much Sela will tell her. She’s not sure herself and said she’d play it by ear, but whatever she chooses to reveal, I’m sure it will be exactly the right amount. Caroline is someone I trust with my life, and Sela knows her secrets and can be trusted with her as well.

And then all that’s left to do is to wait and see what JT decides to do.

Beck calls me again and I let it ring through to voice mail. He called about ten minutes ago and I didn’t answer, knowing he would hear the tension in my voice. Knowing that I wouldn’t be able to lie to him when he asked where I was. I listened to his first voice mail, my heart twinging with guilt that I’m avoiding him, but I know he’d go crazy if he knew I was sitting in JT’s driveway right now.

I have no business being here. It’s stupid and illogical, but I can’t fucking help myself. Maybe I need to stand in his presence one more time before he goes down, or maybe I feel like I could help urge him along to make the right decision. Whatever the insanity of my reason, here I am and here I will remain until I hear what he has to say.

Beck’s first voice mail to me was simple and sweet.

“Hey babe…just finished lunch with Dennis and on my way home. Wanted to know if you needed anything while I was out. Call me if you do, otherwise see you in about fifteen, twenty minutes.”

That was half an hour ago, and I would bet my last dollar that the voice mail he just left is wondering where the hell I am. I’m sure he’s at the condo now, flummoxed that I’m not there when I should be and didn’t leave a note as to when I’d be back. Not that he keeps track of me or anything, but it’s just a common courtesy we’ve offered each other since we started living together. If I’m going out, I’ll leave him a note. He does the same for me.

I didn’t do it this time, not because I was afraid of the lie, but merely because I was so distracted with thoughts of JT and what he could possibly want to talk to me about, I just didn’t think about it as I left the condo and locked up behind me.

But that’s done and Beck is just going to have to wait for me to come home tonight and tell him what I’ve been doing. He’s going to go nuts, and I expect it will lead to a massively huge fight. This is unfortunate, because Caroline’s coming over to talk, and it’s going to suck if Beck’s pissed at me, but oh well. He’ll get over it eventually.