Taking him by the hand again, I lead him back over to the couch. I think he needs to be sitting for the rest of my story, because I know it’s going to piss him off.

After a slight push, he sits back down, but rather than straddle his lap again, I sit my butt on the coffee table, directly across from him. Our knees brush against each other, a comforting touch. Still, I remain poised and alert for him to flip out on me again.

“When I learned that JT was one of my rapists, I became obsessed with revenge. I considered only briefly going to the police, but it didn’t hold any appeal to me because I couldn’t be sure my word would hold up against his. My memory was so riddled with holes, and I’m only reasonably certain of the pieces I do remember. You have to realize, for years I thought those flashes weren’t even real. I thought they were just products of my imagination…nightmares so to speak. Because my memory was unreliable as evidence, I wasn’t confident I could get justice, and besides…it would only be justice against JT. I wanted to know who the other two were.”

“So you thought to confront him that night we met?” Beck asks with raised eyebrows. “Just thought you’d walk up, introduce yourself as the woman he raped, and he was going to admit to it?”

“No,” I say softly, and resist the urge to drop my gaze. “I was going to get him alone and I was going to make him tell me while I pointed a gun at his face.”

Beck’s jaw drops.

“Then I was going to put a bullet in his brain,” I say with deadly promise.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” he whispers in disbelief.

“I’m not,” I assure him. “I was obsessed with it. I was going to torture him with the fear of dying, then I was going to rid the world of his evil. Then I was going to find the other two men and give them the same retribution.”

“Sela,” Beck admonishes, refusing to believe I could be so cold-blooded.

“Don’t,” I say sharply. “Don’t judge me in a place you could never hope to stand. You can never begin to understand what those monsters did to me.”

Beck shakes his head adamantly, leans forward, and places his hands on my thighs. “No, I’m not judging your intent or your desire. I want to kill him myself. But I can’t let you do something that would stain your soul. Christ, you could get arrested for murder and get sent to prison.”

“I know,” I whisper. “And I changed my mind eventually. I decided to give up my quest.”

“When?” he prompts.

“When I let you into my body without a condom,” I murmur, and watch as his eyes go soft and tender. “When I gave my full trust to you. I knew that you were more important than my revenge, and I didn’t want to lose it.”

A low whistle of breath comes out of Beck’s lips, but then he tilts his head to the side in confusion. “But then why were you in my office? You said it was about JT.”

Now I drop my gaze, because this is the part I’m embarrassed to admit. If there is one stumbling block remaining between what Beck and I could have for a future, it’s right here.

Placing my hands over his, I swallow hard and look back up at him. “That night we went to dinner with JT. I saw how happy you were. I knew all the shit he was handing you was nothing but shit. He was putting on an act, making you believe you chose wisely in a friend and partner. He was the total opposite with me in the limo. He belittled and taunted me. I saw the way you laughed and told stories and jokes with JT, knew it was a fucking act, and it pissed me off. While I think to some extent I logically knew that didn’t change your feelings about me, it did renew my fury against him. I just…snapped. Suddenly, I wanted revenge again. I wanted him out of my life so I wouldn’t have to suffer another fucking dinner and sit across from the table with your business partner—the man that raped me—while making polite conversation. I wanted him out of your life. I wanted to free you from his poison and then you’d have control of The Sugar Bowl, and then finally…finally, you and I could have the life we were meant to have. Together. So I decided to go through with my plan and I was looking in your office for anything that would help me accomplish it. I scored by getting his home address.”

I finish with a shuddering breath, waiting to see what Beck will do. I don’t know if he can understand just how easily I was swayed again toward revenge and murder, but I don’t know if I will be able to handle it if he can’t accept my weaknesses.

A look comes over Beck’s face, one filled with anguish and fatigue. He pulls one hand out from under mine and scrubs it over his face. His eyes dart to the right and he takes a deep breath, and when they slide back my way, what he tells me next causes my world to tilt.

“Sela…JT is my brother.”

“What?” I gasp in astonishment as I rear backward.

“It fucking kills me to even claim we share the same blood, but yeah…he’s my brother. Half brother to be exact.”

“I don’t understand,” I whisper, not able to even fathom this revelation. “I never read anything about that. You’ve never said anything.”

“No one knows,” he says bitterly. “JT doesn’t even know. Only my father and his mother. And me, of course.”

“I…I…” Fuck, I’m speechless.

Beck leans forward, places his hands on my shoulders. His face comes near mine and his eyes pin me in place. “I’m not telling you that to elicit any sympathy for his cause. The fact we share blood isn’t going to save him from me. I’m going to make him pay, but you need to know why I really kept giving him chances. I’d all but given up on him as a friend and business partner. That blood tie was the last thin straw that was causing me to give him that one final chance. And yeah…I was fucking taken in by him at dinner that night. He snowed me, apparently, and knowing we share the same blood made it easier for me to fall into it. But not anymore. He’s fucking dead to me and I swear I’m going to make him pay.”

Warmth flushes through me over his heated vow. While I definitely want to know more about this blood tie he shares with JT, I’m more interested to know how complicit Beck will become in my plans. I have an avenging angel on my side now, and together we can rid JT from our existence.

“Will you help me kill him?” I whisper.