I shrink back from the anger in his voice. I practically shrivel up from the pain in his eyes.

“I went for a walk,” I whisper, the need for self-preservation making the lie fall from my mouth easily. “Your keys were just lying there and were easier to take than going back to the bedroom for mine.”

“Then why lie to me?” he grits out. “Why tell me you took the car to your apartment, which I don’t give a shit if you use my car. I just care that you lied to me.”

“I don’t know,” I blurt out, panicked that I may be losing something very important in this very moment. I forget about the perfect story and pour out emotions that are based in truth. I hope the half-truths cover up a full truth I could never tell him. “I went for a walk. I’ve been overwhelmed with everything that’s going on with you and me. It seems too good to be true and I’ve never had this before, and I’m scared, Beck. I’m afraid it’s going to all fall apart on me and I can’t tell you that, because I don’t want to seem clingy and unsure of myself. You like my confidence, right? So I don’t want to seem anything less than that to you. And when I got off the elevator and saw you there, and you looked angry…I just lied. I wasn’t thinking straight. But I swear…that’s all I was doing. I was out for a walk.”

Beck turns away from me in frustration, scrubs his hand through his hair. He then spins back and looks at me with sadness. “Why would you feel so unsure about me? What have I done to make you feel that way?”

I can’t help the shaky sigh of relief that comes out, and I hope he doesn’t understand that my relief stems from the fact that he just bought that half-baked story. I cover it up by immediately walking up to him, pressing my cheek to his chest, and wrapping my arms around his waist. I squeeze him to me, fear gripping me when he doesn’t return the embrace.

My voice is small and weak when I say, “I’m sorry. I’m just so afraid of fucking things up with you and I don’t want to lose this.”

Then I tell him an absolute truth. “I think you’re the best thing to ever happen to me, and when you’re given a gift like that, the prospect of losing it can be a little consuming.”

Beck lets out a pained moan and his arms wrap around my upper back. He squeezes me hard and presses his lips to the top of my head. “Jesus, Sela. I’m not going anywhere and there’s not much you could do to push me away from you. You’re perfect as is and I’m insanely happy being with you, okay?”

I nod into his chest. Burrow in tighter to him.

“Just don’t lie to me,” he says gruffly. “Don’t ever lie to me, don’t ever do anything to make me distrust you, and everything is golden. Okay?”

My heart sinks.

Because I fully intend to keep lying to him until my quest is complete.

Chapter 20

Beck

Three sharp raps to my office door have me raising my head and blinking my bleary eyes. I rub my fingers over them, happy for the break from reading code.

“Come in,” I say gruffly, picking up the bottle of mineral water on my desk and taking a long swig.

The door swings open and JT walks in. He looks…different. Instead of the normal custom-tailored, three-thousand-dollar suit he wears with diamond cuff links, he’s got on a pair of dark jeans and a burgundy cashmere sweater. He never dresses casual for the office and it catches me off guard, because JT likes to flaunt his money, and nothing says money like Armani.

I immediately notice his eyes are clear and his pupils are normal, and I wince internally that this has become my standard practice whenever I see him. He shoots me a grin and says, “What’s up, bro?”

“Not much,” I say, leaning back in my chair. “Just reviewing some code for the new platform. It’s a bit buggy.”

“I saw the mock-ups last week,” he says as he sits down in one of the guest chairs opposite my desk. He props an ankle on the opposite knee and relaxes back casually. He looks almost…carefree.

This should make me happy, but rather makes me suspicious. I wince again, because I’m supposed to be giving him a second chance.

“Good holiday weekend?” he asks, his eyes bright with interest.

“Um…yeah. Caroline and Ally came to visit for a few days, and Sela and I just hung out around the city this weekend. You?”

“I spent it up at my folks’ place in Windsor. Just relaxing with them. Actually had time to read a book.”

JT’s parents have a winery estate in the Sonoma Valley. It actually produces, but it’s more of a vacation home than anything for them, and they only use it sporadically, preferring to spend most of their time at their home in Sausalito. JT’s family made their money in tech but they have their fingers in several pies.

I cock an eyebrow at JT. “You just went there and relaxed? Read a book?”

“I had some wine and cheese too,” he says with a wink. “And turkey, of course.”

I shake my head and try not to smile at his winsome ways. I know he’s trying to show me the new JT, but it seems odd to me. It’s been so long since I’ve seen this I’m having a bit of a hard time trusting it.

“Did Karla get that agreement to you last Monday?” he asks, his expression turning serious. “You never said anything.”

“Yeah, I got it.”

It’s sitting in my desk right now under lock and key. Karla brought a copy to me, sealed in an envelope, as soon as I walked in that Monday morning after I met with JT. I grimace in distaste at what I’d read, but if the signature on the document is real, then that Sugar Baby clearly had a seriously kinky side that she wanted JT to indulge her in.

I didn’t accept the agreement on its face. I looked up the Sugar Baby on the database—Melissa Fraye—and compared her photo to the woman I remembered that night at the mixer. It was the same. I even pulled up the scanned photo of her Sugar Baby agreement with us, and the signatures matched.

That did not ease my conscience completely though. I know way too much about computers and graphics, and know exactly how easy it is to pirate a signature off one document and place it on the other. I know I shouldn’t be concerned. I know I should give JT the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t help but fucking remembering Sela’s words and how assured she’d sounded that morning when I came back and told her about my meeting with JT.