“Oh shit!” I yelled, slamming on the brakes. Driving while thinking about sex with Matthew was not a good combination. “Sorry.” I raised my hand to the car to the right of me after I almost veered into his lane.

Besides that one hot night, Matthew and I always had a great time when we were together, sharing our deepest fears and dreams. Actually, he shared and I listened. I still didn’t feel comfortable letting him know all of me, so I did what I do best…I listened.

Looking for Matthew since he’d texted me he was already seated, I walked past the hostess after I’d explained I had a friend waiting for me. As I excitedly searched from table to table, I saw Matthew with his arms around a woman. They looked awfully cozy as they chatted and laughed. He knew I was on my way, so why would he hold her like that?

At that moment, the ache in my heart felt as if he had cheated on me. I told myself I wouldn’t let him get that close, but my own words betrayed me. As I continued to stare, the piercing pain only intensified. Watching him give her a kiss on her cheek disgusted me, and I felt an ugly knot in the pit of my stomach.

I don’t know why I do this to myself. It’s like I get some sick pleasure from feeling pain, being used. Because that is how I felt at this moment. Sure, use Becca when you feel horny or use Becca when you feel lonely. I should have known better. There was no hope. All his words were lies, probably to get me in bed. As hatred boiled through me, I knew I needed to leave before I made a scene.

Knowing I could make a run for it, I turned. If only my legs would have moved faster, Matthew wouldn’t have seen me.

“Becca,” he called, as if it was no big deal.

I had to make a choice, so instead of acting mature and going to his table, I started walking away, hoping he would let me be. Too late, I felt a hand grip my arm. “Becca.”

From the force of his pull, I reluctantly turned. “Hey, where are you going? I’m sitting back there.”

I wanted to say something mean or tell him off, but I couldn’t. I also didn’t let him explain, because what was the point? Even if his explanation was, ‘we’re just friends’, there was something more to this…to us. I realized how much time I had invested in whatever we had, and he would leave me with the broken heart.

I was freakin’ jealous and I wanted to be the one in his arms. If I was hurting this much, it was already too late. I had been in this situation before and it never worked out for me at the end. I knew that from here on out, I could no longer be the friend he needed me to be.

“Matthew, I’m sorry, but you know what? I just got an emergency text from one of my clients and I need to take care of it,” I lied, faking a smile. I was desperately trying to stop my heart from breaking if it was possible. The pitter-patter of my heart was achingly drumming, while shattering into millions of pieces. “I’ll call you later.” As I dashed out of there, tears blocked my vision. It had been a while since I felt this kind of heartache. It was another reminder to stay away.

31

“HOW DO YOU LIKE this one?” Nicole asked, holding up a long, strapless dress.

“It’s a nice shade of lavender,” I replied, leaning back in my chair as I watched Becky tilt her head, examining it.

“Do you have other choices?” Kate asked, looking unsure.

Nicole laughed. “Okay, this is like the fifth dress I showed you guys and we can’t seem to come to an agreement. Ladies, go to that rack and pick one out. Meanwhile, you want to see my wedding dress?” Nicole couldn’t contain her excitement. Her smile outshined the room. Then a thought occurred. That was the way a bride should smile and feel about her wedding and the man she was about to marry.

“Go put it on,” I exclaimed, trying my best to hide my own sorrow. I felt dead inside, the way I was moving and feeling. At least being surrounded by my friends and sharing in the excitement of Nicole’s wedding did help.

“Let’s see it on you,” Becky said excitedly.

Nicole headed to the dressing room while we headed toward the rack. Becky and Kate took out several dresses and placed them off to the side. They were holding their own conversation about what they liked and disliked about them, but as for me, I was in my own world as I stared at the dresses without any opinion.

I couldn’t be happier for Nicole. She and Craig had been through the breakups, the heartaches, and now, they were stronger than ever. From Nicole’s point of view, Craig didn’t want the happily ever after, but knowing he might never be with Nicole again, he agreed to move forward. I just hope it will last forever.

As Becky and Kate decided on two dresses, something white caught the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see Nicole standing by the dressing room with the sales clerk. At that moment, my heart skipped a beat as she took my breath away.

Nicole looked absolutely stunning and I couldn’t peel my eyes off of her. Her strapless, A-line dress was simple, with pearls and crystals adorning the waistline. Flowing down her back was a long veil, attached to the matching headband.

Speechless, tears flooded my eyes to see one of my best friends who would soon be a beautiful bride. She would call Craig her own and he would call her, his; and forever they would be united as one. It was a pivotal moment in a person’s life, and I felt blessed to be a part of it.

There was a little ache in my heart as I thought about Max. I often thought about our future and the type of dress I would wear. It was foolish of me to think so far ahead when I wanted to slow things down, but a girl can dream.