Hearing Matthew’s words made me giddy like a schoolgirl, but then I heard the word “but.”

“I can’t give you what you want right now. Maybe—”

“Matthew, it’s okay.” I placed my hand on his thigh, accidently so close to his crotch that he angled his brows playfully, which reminded me of how he made me feel last night. I swear I felt my clit twitch just from the memory. Touching him produced naughty thoughts, so I took my hand away. “Look, I’m a big girl. I’m not one of those girls who believes that once we have sex, we’re supposed to get married or even hook up. I’ve had one-night stands before.”

Matthew’s brows arched in curiosity. “How many?”

“That is none of your business. And don’t tell me this was your first.”

That seemed to end that topic of discussion. “Okay. Sorry. It’s just that we’re friends and I don’t want it to be weird between us. I want to, but I’m not ready to—”

I cut him off. I didn’t want to hear excuses or make him feel like he was obligated to explain what had happened between us. After all, we were two consenting adults. I don’t know what made me ask the next question, but a part of me wanted to know how his girlfriend had passed away. “What happened to her?” I thought he was going to brush me off, but instead, his eyes were somewhere else in time and he started talking.

“Being the youngest child and my parents working all the time, I was somewhat spoiled. I was irresponsible and did what I wanted to do. I knew how to work my parents to get what I wanted by using the guilt trip on them. I met Tessa during my senior year in college. She changed me. She made me become a better person. I think Max was relieved and he thanked her for that,” Matthew lightly chuckled and continued.

“Tessa and I had had been together for more than a year. I loved her so much that I knew I wanted to marry her someday. We were too young to get married, but she practically gave me an ultimatum. In fear of losing her, I proposed. Then we started fighting about the date of our wedding. I wanted to wait until after I graduated from Business school, but she didn’t,” Matthew paused, as if gathering his thoughts. With a deep intake of breath, he continued.

“It was raining hard that day. I was at her apartment and we had a fight. She ran out the door and I let her go. Later that day, I got a phone call from her roommate, letting me know Tessa was in the hospital. She had been in a car accident, just like Jenna.” There was a long pause, but I remained silent knowing Matthew had more to say. His face was full of torment. “She left this world with misunderstandings that needed to be resolved. I will never have the chance to fix that. Our argument was the last memory I have of her.”

Poor Matthew! I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. My heart thumped faster with every word that poured from his lips. He had relived that moment with Jenna. “I’m sorry, Matthew,” I mumbled through my hand. I knew where this was going.

“She was already dead when I got to the hospital. Her parents and I didn’t want to let her go. We watched. We waited. We hoped that God would answer our prayers and she would come out of it. I rarely prayed before, but I prayed that day. I prayed for a miracle, but God denied me. He shattered my world. I was so angry and hurt that I cursed him that day. I lost myself in that hospital. I lost my love, my heart, and whatever was left of my soul, because someone with that much anger and hate was going to hell.”

Tears streamed down my face as I listened. I felt his anger, his passion, and loss, because I knew how he felt. I had been through it with my roommate and almost with Jenna. I knew what that kind of pain could do to a person. It eats you alive and spits you back out with the feeling of emptiness and all you want to do is die too. It was a reminder that no matter how rich or poor you were; money couldn’t buy happiness or a shield from the cruelties of life. It doesn't discriminate. Pain knows no boundaries. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, in fear if I had said it any louder, I would sob uncontrollably in front of him.

“Becca.” Matthew pulled me into him, wiping the tears off my face with the brush of this thumb. “My sweet, Becca. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Don’t cry, sweetheart.” Surprisingly, Matthew kissed the lingering tears away. “I knew you weren’t as mean as the spitfire you were last night. You were just trying to get into my pants.”

I knew he was trying to lighten the mood and I would have given him a good comeback, but I couldn’t. Holding me tightly, swaying back and forth, he muttered, “What are we going to do from here?”

I didn’t answer, not knowing if that was a rhetorical question or if he really was asking for my answer, so I said nothing. Did he even know what he wanted?

Since I didn’t answer, he held me tighter—all of me. “Thanks for being my friend. You make me happy. You make me forget. You make me forget her.”

It was then that I pushed aside my regret and loss. Matthew was still suffering and for some reason, he needed me. I would be his comfort, his rock, even if that’s all I could do, because I couldn’t deny him, even knowing I would be the one left with a broken heart. I was okay with it. Hell, I was even used to it.

26

THE RUMORS HAD SPREAD like an untamed wildfire. Max’s dad called and told us not to come to work. It was all over the media—Internet, television news, radio stations, and even the pictures of Max protecting me at the nightclub were in the newspaper. The headline read “Max Moves on to Next Victim.” My poor Max!