“This is Amber,” Becca said, looking at me for direction. She appeared uneasy.

I weaved behind her and held her lightly from the back. My hands slipped around her waist and bent lower to rest my chin on her shoulder. “Say hi. She can hear you.” Could she really? Who knew? Regardless, talking to Tessa as if she was there helped me, and I knew it would help Becca, too.

“Hi, Amber. I brought Matthew with me.” Becca’s tone became shaky. After she cleared her throat and her shoulders lifted from taking in a deep breath, she continued, “I’m sorry that it took me so long to come see you. I was a chicken shit.” Becca let out a soft laugh; that made me smile. “Amber used to call me chicken shit,” Becca informed me.

“Nice friend,” I commented sarcastically while rolling my eyes. “Go on.”

“I have a new roommate, but you probably already knew that. Her name is Jenna. We were like two opposites, but now I think her goodness rubbed off on me. She doesn’t call me chicken shit. She actually influences me to be a better person. I’m not saying anything bad about you, but we did some crazy, wild things together.”

“Really?”

Becca nudged me with her elbow, gesturing me to keep comments to myself. “We were in college,” she said quickly. “That’s the time to experiment.”

“True.” I kissed her cheek and squeezed her a little bit tighter on her waist.

Becca grunted when she felt the pressure. Releasing a sigh, she continued, “Matthew, who is a leech on my back right now, is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You’ll be happy to know that Matthew is not an ass**le and I am officially not an ass**le magnet any longer.”

I rocked us from side to side, letting her know how much I appreciated her words. “I’m glad you don’t think I’m an ass**le,” I added quickly.

“Shhh. I’m still talking.” Becca laughed. “I wish you could meet him in person. He’s truly a gentleman, more than I could ever have expected. Sometimes I don’t think I deserve him.” She paused. “Matthew is really good to me, unlike any of the guys you’ve seen me date, but fate took you away so soon. And I’m so sorry that I didn’t force you to get out of the car. I should have yanked you out...or taken your car keys, anything to stop you from driving.”

Becca’s hand reached for her face to stop the tears from falling. Seeing her like this not only made my heart ache, but made me sad for her. However, I also knew that once she passed this stage, she would learn to forgive and let go. There would be closure, and no one understood that better than me.

“It’s not your fault, Becca,” I whispered in her ear. Switching positions, Becca was now facing me, her whole body was engulfed in my arms.

“It is my fault,” she muttered into my sweater. “I could have prevented it. I could have done so many things differently, but I didn’t. It’s my fault. Amber didn’t die alone.”

At this point Becca was sobbing. I could tell how much she was hurting from the guilt and the loss of her friend. Her pain traveled inside of me. Whatever she felt, I felt it, too. That’s how much I cared and loved her. That’s how much she meant to be. I would do anything to mend her pain and hurt, anything to make it right for her.

But...something stone cold struck me. My heart started thumping harder against my chest and my muscles became stiff. I couldn’t move. For some strange reason, Becca’s last words felt like a slap on my face. Amber didn’t die alone. My eyes shifted from the ground to the headstone. I hadn’t paid attention to what was written on it since I was standing behind Becca, trying to give her some privacy.

When Becca had told me her friend passed away on the same date as Tessa, I thought, ‘What a coincidence’. There were billions of people on this planet, surely many people died on the same date. Yet when I traced Amber’s full name with my eyes, I thought I was going to drop dead. Amber James kept echoing in my mind. Surely it couldn’t be the same person. Could it?

I didn’t know what came over me, but tears blinded my eyes. My grip on Becca loosened. I dropped down to my knees. Oh God! Please don’t let it be true. I needed answers...fast, but not here.

“Matthew...Matthew...what’s wrong?”

I felt my body shake and my name echoed in my head...until I finally came to. “Becca, I need to take you home. Now!”

Chapter 15

Becky

I wasn’t sure what the problem was or what had triggered Matthew’s sudden anger, but I didn’t want to add to it, so I kept my mouth shut and got in the car. Matthew didn’t even look at me or say a word. In fact, the drive back to my place was dead silent. I wanted to ask him questions, but the cold stone look on his face made me so nervous that I dare not say a word.

Replaying the words I had said to him didn’t help make me understand his actions. Matthew had been so loving and supportive while we were there until he saw something or remembered something, causing him to drop to his knees. Flabbergasted, I tried to remain calm and steady my heartbeat, but my stomach was doing nasty somersaults, and the acid feeling inside of my chest was only building.

“Matthew, what’s wrong? What happened back there?” I finally asked, starting to feel a little ticked off seeing him pacing back and forth in deep thought. His lips were parting and closing; I could tell he was trying to tell me something, but it never came out. Now I was beyond annoyed. Sitting uncomfortably on the sofa, I stared at him hard, as if that would make him snap out of it. I had never seen him like this before, but enough was enough. “Matthew, what the hell happened? You can’t just shut down on me like that.”