“Oh, my God, they’re so pretty,” I exclaim, going over to get a better look.

Jay puts down his pen, stands up, and walks toward me. “You like my girls, huh?” he murmurs, his hand coming to rest on my shoulder.

“I really do. Are they yours?”

“Yep. Jessie was keeping them for me at her place.”

“What are their names?”

“This one’s Ellen,” says Jay, pointing to the one on the left. “And this one’s Portia. If you haven’t already guessed, I let Jessie name them. She thinks it’s funny.”

“Ah. But how can you tell them apart? They both look identical to me.”

“They’ve got different personalities. Ellen’s the chatty one. Portia’s the sleepy one.”

“I see,” I reply before continuing excitedly, “Are you going to be keeping them here from now on?”

“Sure am.” He smiles indulgently, his face close to mine.

“I’m so happy! I haven’t had a pet since my cat died.”

Jay starts rubbing my shoulder now, the friendly gesture causing a little more than a friendly reaction in me. I want him to slip his hand beneath the fabric and touch me skin on skin. We watch the birds for a minute or two, and then I remember what I really wanted to talk to him about, so I pull my phone from my bag. Bringing up the website again, I show it to him.

“So, uh, what’s this all about?”

Jay stands back and rubs a hand along his stubble, grinning. “Ah, you saw that, did you? I should have guessed my little Watson would want to solve the mystery.”

My little Watson. Yeah, I think I like the sound of that.

“So, come on, don’t leave me in anticipation,” I prompt.

Jessie pulls off her headphones. “Hey, Matilda,” she says, giving me a casual nod. I quickly say hello back before returning my attention to Jay.

“I’m doing a show this Friday. What you saw was an advertisement. Jessie and I spent the whole morning spray-chalking the stencils all around the city.”

I go to the fridge and open it up to see what’s for dinner. Surprisingly, it’s stocked full of food. Jay must have gone shopping. That was nice of him. “That’s a really cool idea, but do you think it will be effective? Most people might think it’s just street art.”

“Oh, it’ll work,” says Jay. “People love shit that’s all obscure and mysterious. They’ll go just to see what it’s all about. Though my fans will know it’s me the second they see the symbol.”

“If you build it, they will come,” says Jessie, sitting cross-legged on her seat like Buddha. She sounds mildly stoned, but I think that’s just her way.

“Okay.” Jay laughs.

“What does that symbol mean, anyway?” I ask.

“Ah, now, that would be telling.”

“So many secrets,” I tease, pulling some chicken and a few vegetables out of the fridge. “You’re like a naughty husband who’s having an affair.”

Jay grabs a carrot out of my hand and takes a big bite. He stares at me as he chews, swallows. With a wink, he says, “I’m not the cheating kind, but I sure can be naughty.”

Well, I don’t doubt that. Turning away, I start preparing my chicken stir-fry, making enough for everyone, including Dad, who should be home any minute.

“So,” I begin casually, “am I invited to this show? Or is it too exclusive for the likes of me?”

“Of course not, Watson! You’re going to be my guest of honour,” Jay exclaims, all boisterous.

I laugh and shake my head before replying jokingly, “Look, Jay, I’m know I’m the image of Emma Watson and everything, but you don’t have to keep going on about it.”

I place a cover over the stir-fry to let it simmer. When I turn around, he’s right in front of me, studying my face for what feels like forever. “Nah, you’re more like a brunette Scarlett Johansson,” he murmurs low, penning me in.

I harrumph. “Sure, if she had a facial disfigurement.”

His hand comes up to cup the side of my face and part of my neck, where my scar lines my skin. My breathing hitches at his warm touch. God, how long has it been since I’ve been touched like this? Have I ever been touched like this? He levels his eyes on me seriously, his thumb brushing back and forth, as he murmurs, “Because this makes you so unappealing.”

I don’t have to be a genius to tell he’s being sarcastic. Wow. This is the second time in the last twenty-four hours that he’s mentioned my appeal. Should I start getting my hopes up?

Jessie makes quick work of ruining the moment by making a little vomiting sound. “Ugh, you two need to get a room,” she says before putting her headphones back on.

Jay tugs on my hand and leads me out to the back garden, where the sun is shining down warmly. “I created a magic trick just for you. I think I have it perfected.”

“For me? Seriously?” I ask in delight. He hands me what looks like a small beige chicken’s egg, placing it in my upturned palm.

“It’s an egg,” I say, stating the obvious.

Jay nods. “Just keep watching.” He passes his hand over it once, and it starts to crack, like maybe there’s a tiny chick inside. Then he passes his hand over the top of it again, and it cracks completely open. I gasp with surprise as five gorgeous red and black butterflies with white spots practically explode from the shell, their wings flapping through the air. They flutter all around me, and my heart lifts when one of them comes to sit on my shoulder.

“Oh, wow,” I whisper, smiling like crazy and trying my hardest not to move. Another comes and sits on my hand, tickling me and making me giggle.

When I look at Jay, his eyes are shining bright under the sun as he soaks up my reaction, his mouth curving ever so slightly at the edges. I’m not even going to ask him how he did it. I’m locked in his spell, and I don’t want to break it.

“That was amazing,” I say to him when the butterflies have all finally flown away.

Stepping closer, he takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Look at those eyes, so full of wonder. I love your reactions. They make me feel like I can reclaim the childhood I never had.”

His heartfelt words make my throat tighten with empathy. I feel like hugging him, but I can’t. It would be…too much.

Just then I hear Dad come in the front door, and I stumble back, hurrying to the kitchen. Jay follows me. When I step inside, Dad’s already saying hello to Jessie, who introduces herself as a friend of Jay’s. I dish up a plate of stir-fry for everyone, and we sit down to eat at the table, chatting about light topics.

After dinner Dad excuses himself to his room, where he plans to start reading the novel they’re discussing in his book club this month. Jay suggests the rest of us watch a movie in the living room. I go to change out of my work clothes while he and Jessie decide on a DVD.

When I come back down, they’ve selected a romantic comedy called Away We Go that I bought a couple of years ago when it first came out. I can’t remember it all too well, but I do recall it being about a couple who are expecting a baby. An odd choice for these two, but I go with it anyway.

Jessie is camped out on the armchair, so I sit next to Jay on the sofa, a nice safe distance between us. I hug a cushion to my chest as Jay presses “play” on the DVD. The film starts off with a quiet night time scene, and I relax into my seat. Unfortunately, my relaxation lasts about five seconds before I realise that the first scene is a sex scene. A scene where the man is going down on the woman, to be precise. Immediately, I can feel my cheeks heat up, even though it’s supposed to be kind of funny.

“Oh, now look at this,” says Jessie, pointing at the screen. “He’s doing it all wrong. He needs to take a few tips from me. I’m the queen of cunnilingus.”

Jay cocks an eyebrow at her and smirks, his arm resting behind me along the top of the couch. “I’d wager I’m better,” he says in a low, challenging voice.

Jessie snorts long and loud. “You wanna bet? I’d win hands down.”

Christ, could this conversation end, please?

“Okay, how are we going to play this? We need a judge,” says Jay, laughing, and I really hope he’s joking.

Jessie waggles her brow at me. “You want the position, Matilda?”

I practically choke on a cough. “I think I’ll have to decline.”

“Scared?” Jay asks, tilting his head to me with a wicked grin.

I get defensive. “No, I’m not scared. Besides, you need experience to be a judge….”

Oh, God, did I just say that? Where the hell is my filter?

“What?” Jessie spurts, practically jumping out of her seat. Suddenly, I’m regretting agreeing to watch a movie with these two. “Please tell me you’re joking!”

My face has become so red I might as well be a tomato. “Forget I said anything,” I mutter.

“Oh, my God, you’re not joking, are you?” she goes on.

I make the mistake of glancing at Jay, and his gaze is on fire. I play with the hem of my top and sigh. “No. I’ve only ever had one boyfriend, and, well, let’s just say he was kind of selfish in that department.”

“Asshole,” says Jay.

“Yeah, he was. So, no, I’ve no experience of that particular…act.”

“That’s a f**king travesty, hon. All girls need to get their vaginas licked. It’s like a rite of passage,” Jessie tells me with no embarrassment whatsoever.

I make a move to leave, but Jay grabs my wrist and pulls me back down, turning to face me properly. His eyes flick to Jessie as he warns sharply, “You don’t have to talk like that to her.”

“She’s not a child, Jay.”

“She’s not one of your f**k buddies, either, so try and keep it clean, yeah?”

I pull my wrist from his hold. “She can talk to me whatever way she likes. I just wish we could watch the film and stop discussing my sex life, or lack thereof.”

He raises his hands in the air. “Fine. Let’s watch it, then.”

There’s a couple of minutes of awkwardness before we all get into the storyline. In the end, it actually turns out to be really enjoyable, that uncomfortable first scene aside. Jessie leaves once it’s over, and I go to my room. I can hear Jay in his own room as I’m getting my clothes ready for work in the morning. It sounds like he’s pacing. A minute later, there’s a knock on my door.

“Come in,” I call, and Jay appears, stepping inside but leaving the door open behind him. Oh, yeah, and did I forget to mention that he’s topless? Topless! My eyes wander over his tattoos as I admire a particularly detailed one right over his heart. It looks a like a cubist painting, a box filled with triangles of all different colours. On the other side of his chest is a six of hearts card done in vibrant red and chalky white. Somebody’s definitely got a theme. Above the card is a quote: Do your worst, for I will do mine. Isn’t that from The Count of Monte Cristo?

“I’m sorry about earlier. We shouldn’t have embarrassed you like that.”

“It’s okay.”

He hovers in his spot indecisively, then turns as if to leave. Instead, he slams the door shut and comes to stand right in front of me. He takes the shirt I’m folding from my hands and places it down on the bed. The next thing he does is lace his fingers through mine. I watch, transfixed, as he brings our hands to come and rest in the centre of his chest. He tilts his head to the side.

“I don’t make you uncomfortable, do I?”

“Um, no,” I lie, and for once he doesn’t call me out on it.

He lets out a long breath. “I can’t stop thinking about what you said.”

“What I said?”

“About never having a man go down on you.”

My eyes widen at his words, but I try to laugh it off. “It’s pitiful, isn’t it?”

“You should let me do it. Show you what all the fuss is about.” His smile is devilish.

I pull my hand from his and walk to the other side of the room. Facing the window, I’m unable to look at him, not knowing whether to be elated or insulted. “You’re being inappropriate.”

“Darlin’.”

Oh, don’t call me that, Jason. I melt when you call me that.

Glancing down, I see that my hands are shaking. Jesus, what’s wrong with me? He’s the most attractive man I’ve ever known. I should want this. I do want this. The problem is, I’m scared shitless.

I feel him move across the room, stopping right behind me. The heat from his body practically scorches me, and we’re not even touching. My voice is quiet when I start to speak.

“Don’t you think that might be kind of weird? You’re not my boyfriend, Jay.”

“I don’t need to be your boyfriend to do that to you, Matilda.” My name rolls off his tongue like a caress. Oh, God.

“Do you like me?” I ask, hating how insecure I sound.

“Of course I like you. I enjoy your company a lot.”

“I don’t mean in the friends way,” I soldier on disappointedly. Someone liking me as a friend isn’t the epic love I’ve been waiting my entire life for.

His hand goes to my arm as he leans his head on my shoulder, his breath hitting the back of my neck. “You have no idea,” he whispers.

A minute passes, and then his heat is gone. I turn around just in time to see him shutting my door behind him.

Eleven

The rest of the week passes quickly enough. I only ever see Jay at breakfast or during dinner. Other times he’s mostly off preparing for his show at the venue in Temple Bar. There’s been no further talk of sexual things, which is both a relief and a disappointment.