“I must say that I like this grownup you a lot more every second.”

I punch him on the arm as he opens the door for us.

“Game on,” I hiss with a smile.

Oh, what I would give to be in Shadow’s head right now.

When we get in the hall, we stop dead in our tracks at the scowling Shadow, standing there with a beet red face.

“You, get the fuck out of here before I slam your brains into that wall behind you,” he hisses to Haden.

Who the hell does he think he is?

“Look, man, no hard feelings.” Haden laughs him off. “She and I are becoming friendly again, is all.”

I inwardly snicker. Love this guy!

“Take care of that love bite, babe, and call me later since your shadow,” he air quotes, “is forcing us apart.”

I lean in and wrap my arms around his neck, whispering a thank you. “I’ll call you later. Love you.”

My first love chuckles as he walks away from me, and Shadow grabs my arm and jerks me against him.

“When I take that pussy of yours, I swear to god I’m going to make it bleed!” he growls into my ear. “You thought your ass hurt, I’ll show you hurtin’.”

That should terrify me, but it only turns me on. Fuck! I jerk away from him.

“That’s the thing. You are. Never. Touching. Me. Again.” Since Haden has left, I forget all about getting lunch and walk towards my car.

Think on that, you Sabine-loving asshole!

***

Chapter Eighteen

Shadow

No words! None fucking at all for the way she treated me at the restaurant. What in the fuck did I do to make her go and fuck that dipshit! I wanted more. Isn’t that what all chicks want? Shit, I was ready to hand my relationship balls over to her. I was ready to hurt her and no-one else. I haven’t committed to a female since I was a teenager. And here is Tatiana, a woman who wanted me so fucking bad a few months ago, and who finally got me this week, and now she won’t even let me get a word in edgewise. I don’t understand this shit!

What in the fuck did I do wrong? I took care of her afterwards, stayed in bed with her, and woke up beside her the next morning. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you want more than hot kinky sex?

When I see my Prez, I decide I need to clear my head of all Tatiana related things. The best way I know how is to stay the fuck away from her confusing ass.

“I don’t want to follow Tatiana anymore,” I say in an aggravated tone.

It isn’t until the Prez doesn’t say anything that I truly look at him. “What happened?”

He shakes his head as he pulls out his phone and hammers out a text. “I have to take Winter to the hospital. Something isn’t right.”

Oh shit! Not good.

“Look man, we knew this could happen. We didn’t want to talk about it, and fuck, I still don’t want to talk about it.” The Prez drops his head as he finishes typing the text. “She had so much scar tissue from the rape that they didn’t think she could handle a pregnancy this soon. Goddammit! I gotta go. Tell no one, cause we aren’t for sure, but we have an idea. I shot Pyro a text. Go make sure he got it. If not, tell him to give me a call. Winter is waiting in the Rover.”

What in the fuck do I say to that? There isn’t anything I can say. Fuck, hasn’t she been through enough shit already. Haven’t we all! There is some seriously messed up karma working on this club. The women are cursed for loving a bunch of fucked up men. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to worry if the baby your wife is carrying inside of her has died.

I scrub my face and let out a roar towards the sky. Emotional pain has never, and I mean never, fucking pleased me. It is messed up, considering I love inflicting physical pain, but this shit hurts even my heart.

I spot Pyro and open my mouth to speak, but he holds up his phone. The look on his face is the saddest I have ever seen, even worse than after Lana passed away. He got the message. Fuck did he get the message. When a member of our family hurts, we all hurt.

I turn away and cross the parking lot towards the clubhouse building. I need a stiff drink. We’re on lockdown, and since I know Pyro and Sniper will be guarding this place, I am getting drunk. Not only do I have my Prez and my first lady’s hurt laced inside my heart, I think the other pain I am trying to mask is seeing Tatiana walking out of that bathroom with that asshole with the scorching hot red bite mark on her neck.

Oh yeah, I need a drink or ten. This is not something I am used to feeling at all. It isn’t jealousy. This is straight up caring. I think I want Tea in more than a friendship way, and I don’t know what to do with that shit since she won’t even speak to me. With the club on lockdown, some Russians in town, Winter possibly losing the baby, and the damn club takeover, I don’t have time to be discovering these feelings right now. I reach for the moonshine instead of bourbon because fuck do I need something that will straight up make me forget right now. One hundred proof moonshine is the key to getting to the ignorance I so desperately crave.

I pop the cap and chug. It burns its way down my throat into the pit of my stomach. I sputter as I pull the bottle away. Shit! Oh, I am going to be lit up like a campfire.

“Can I have some of that?”

I turn towards the voice, my vision blurred, as my senses fight to recover from the rush of burning heat.

Dammit! I want peace right now!

“Sure, but if you get stupid and drink yourself to death, I ain’t helping you.”