Winter rushed in, pouring some coffee into a huge mug she carried to work.

“What are you doing today? You usually beat me out the door,” she asked, pausing in her rush.

“I took the day off. I have a few things I need to get caught up on.”

“That will be good for you. You haven’t taken some time for yourself in a while.”

Lily nodded.

She felt Winter’s gaze as she sat down next to her at the table. “I remember when you went to high school.”

Lily looked back at Winter and smiled. “I do, too. You were new and all the kids were giving you a hard time because you looked as young as they did.”

Winter shuddered. “Don’t remind me. I’m still amazed I made it through that first month. But you made it more bearable for me. I’m here if you need me, Lily.”

“Okay.”

“When I first came here, I wanted to be here even less than you do,” Winter told her.

“That bad?”

Winter nodded her head. “I tried to escape several times.”

“Really?” Lily was shocked. She hadn’t known. She remembered back to when Winter had first moved into the clubhouse after her attack.

“Really. I was miserable, and I was jealous as hell of the women and Viper’s relationship with them. It was an adjustment, but I have really come to care about all the members. We’re a family and I love Viper. We all just fit together.”

“I can tell.” Lily tried to keep the envy out of her voice.

“That doesn’t mean there isn’t room for you,” Winter said softly, reaching out to touch her hand.

Lily looked down, swallowing hard. “The problem is, there’s room for too many women in this house.”

Winter laughed. “That’s very true, but there’s only one Lily.” Winter got to her feet and Lily looked up at her. “Give it a chance. You may find a part of yourself that you didn’t know existed. I did.”

That was what Lily was afraid of.

After Winter left, she cleaned the kitchen before going downstairs. Bliss and Rider had washed and dried the clothes, but they had left them sitting around. She quickly folded them before washing and drying her and Shade’s clothes. She then cleaned the whole downstairs as she did the laundry.

She loved cleaning, unlike most people, and had changed into a pair of loose sweats as she worked. She had the flat screen on as she was folding the last of the clothes. She had gone upstairs earlier, started a huge pot of chili and had made cornbread, which was sitting on the counter cooling.

She was tired, but she felt better than she had in a long while. She had enjoyed having the house to herself for most of the day. She was used to being on her own. Living with so many people was an adjustment and having the house to herself had been relaxing.

The television had been on a cable news show, and as she was only watching it while she folded the clothes, she hadn’t bothered to change the channel. Now she was done, Lily watched as the story of a felony trial beginning unfolded on the screen.

What had made the story take the national spotlight was that the man involved was a crime lord who had been trafficking women. The camera panned the surrounding crowd.

Lily’s head burst with pain and her breath started catching with an oncoming panic attack.

Lily managed to get to her feet, instinct driving her as whimpers tore through her throat. Her mind felt consumed by pain. Flinging open the basement door, Lily ran outside barefoot and down the path toward the factory.

It was the end of the day and the parking lot was emptying of cars as Lily flew down the path, half-blinded by the pain.

She managed to spot Shade and Rider standing by the door, both of them staring at her in shocked surprise, and Lily went right to Shade as he started to move to her. He held out his arms and Lily threw herself into them, clutching him tightly and shaking. She tried to burrow into him as tightly as she could, desperate for the pain to go away.

“What’s wrong?” He held her to him tightly, giving her the security she needed.

“I don’t know.” Lily cried, needing to be closer to his warmth.

“Couldn’t you get hold of Beth?” he asked.

“What? I didn’t try,” she said, trembling harder.

“You didn’t try to call Beth? You came to me first?” Shade’s hand smoothed her tumbled hair away from her face.

Lily nodded her head against his shoulder, whimpering. “My head hurts,” she moaned.

Shade lifted her up into his arms, handing Rider a clipboard. He then carried her back to the house, closing the door she had left open in her terror. In the bedroom, he sat down with her on the bed. Lily curled into the safety of his arms, laying her head on his shoulder.

“I think I’m losing my mind,” Lily confessed.

“No, you’re not.” Shade’s hand rubbed the back of her neck, easing the tension from her shoulders. “Lily, your attacks are coming less, but they’re becoming stronger. I think your mind is trying to tell you that you’re strong enough to remember.”

Lily jerked upright, her hands going to the sides of her head.

Shade’s hands went to her wrists. “Look at me, Lily.” Her violet eyes lifted to his. “Look at me,” Shade repeated his words.

She stared at him mutely, trying to tear her eyes away from his but unable to do so. Giving in, she sank into his blue gaze, really seeing him for the first time: a man who wasn’t afraid of anything—who was strong, skilled and patient.

“What’s in here can’t hurt you anymore.” Shade’s finger tapped the side of her head. “The world around you,” his hand circled the air around her body, “I’ve got that.” His hands went back to her hands, holding them in his. “No one will ever hurt you again.”

Lily heard the truth in his voice and saw it in his eyes.

She had once played a game in school where the teachers had lined the students up into two lines, one facing forward while the other line stood backward. The teacher had told them to fall backwards and trust the person behind them to catch them. She had excused herself to go to the office, getting out of the exercise because she had known that she didn’t trust anyone that blindly, which was what Shade was asking of her now.

To fall, knowing that he would catch her. Even with Beth, she had never accomplished that.

Chapter 22

Lily was putting the dishes in the dishwasher when Beth and Winter came in the kitchen after dinner. The whole house was a hub of activity as they prepared for the Halloween party.

The week had gone by fast. The members were filled with anticipation. Even Beth had the night off from caring for Mrs. Langley. Lily had dreaded tonight, though.

“I didn’t think Holly would ever get there.” Beth carried two bags in that she laid down.

Lily dried her hands, coming to her sister’s side. “What did you decide to be?”

“A hippie.” She lifted her outfit with the bright fuchsia shirt and yellow shorts out of the garment bag. Lily admired the colorful outfit, thinking it suited Beth’s sunny disposition.

Winter had already told her that she was going to be Little Red Riding Hood. As a matter of fact, all of the women had shared which costume each was planning on wearing. Lily could tell they were planning on having fun that night.