John nodded to me as I slid in.

“Rob’s not here yet?”

“No. Tuck made you a meat pie,” he told me. He moved over, meaning I should sit next to him. I looked around. Much were sitting on the edge of the other end of the bench, no room beside him. The bench kind of curled around the table. I sighed and sat next to John. There were a pie, and it had an S cut into the top of it. It smelled better’n Heaven. I picked up the spoon and stabbed it, taking a scoop and eating it. My stomach rolled and I stopped, wondering if I had waited too long to eat. I could feel John looking at me, so I tried another bite.

Rob came in then, and his eyes went straight to me and the food. I took another bite and my stomach twisted. “Finish that, Scar. You didn’t eat breakfast.”

“And you only took a bite of dinner last night,” Much reminded.

I glared. “Thanks, Much.”

Rob crossed his arms, and I took another bite. Sweat broke on my head; I felt like I were going to retch it all back up.

“Well, the good news—after a fashion—is that I couldn’t fence the weapons; they are too distinct. No one around here is selling anything like them. So we all just got new weapons. Scar, you just got your knives back.”

I winced out a bit of a smile, and he stayed watching me for a second. I took another bite. I held it in my mouth, trying not to swallow, but he just watched me.

I swallowed, and he looked away.

“Christ,” I moaned, jumping up and slamming out the back door. I just made it outside when all the food rushed back up. My knees wobbled and gave out as I retched again, but Rob’s arm caught me around my waist, holding me against him.

I retched one more time and tried to get my legs under me. “Easy,” said John’s voice.

I looked up, trying to pull away. It were John? Why had I thought it would be Rob catching me?

“Easy, easy,” he repeated, rubbing my back.

“Stop touching me, please,” I muttered. He stopped rubbing, but his arm didn’t leave my waist. I pushed him off, crouching down over my knees. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. My head were beating out a mean tune.

“You all right?” Rob asked. I turned and saw Rob and Much standing there. Rob’s arms were crossed and he looked dark. I hated the way they were all looking at me.

“Fine,” I said. I stood, feeling only a little wobbly.

“Scar, you’re sick,” Rob said, and his voice were rough and a little frightening.

“I ain’t sick,” I snapped. “I just told you, I eat when I’m hungry.”

John were still on one knee. “You’re too hungry. That’s the problem, isn’t it?”

I crossed my arms, and he stood up.

“That’s what happens when you don’t eat enough—you can’t even eat when you want to. That’s it, isn’t it?”

“I eat, for Christ’s sake,” I growled. I moved to go back into the tavern, but Rob wouldn’t budge.

“Still, after all this time?” Rob asked, soft. “You’ve been lying to me about eating more?”

“It’s not about you, Rob,” John said.

Rob’s eyes shot to John, but I didn’t dare look at neither. “No, it’s about her. I promised I’d look out for you, Scar. After you were so hungry in London, I swore to you that I’d get you fed. Why have you lied to me all this time?”

I felt shame rising up in my throat behind the food, and I hit his chest. “Because it weren’t what you wanted to hear, Rob!”

“Well, I’m listening now, Scar.”

I shook my head. “I’m fine! I eat. But these damn bruises make my face hurt so much my stomach twists up. And sometimes just thinking of all these people that can’t even scrape up a crumb, that twists up my belly too. But there ain’t much I can do ’bout it.” I glared at him. “And it doesn’t go away. It ain’t something you can fix. I were hungry for a long time, Rob, and much as I’d like, bits of me won’t never get over that. No matter what you grump at me ’bout.”

He grabbed my arms, bringing me close to his face, and his eyes looked like the ocean, deep and dark and full of things I knew nothing ’bout. “We don’t lie to each other, Scar. Especially not about things that mean I might lose you.”

My breath froze in my chest. Did he just say that?

He let me go. “Because losing one member would put the whole band at risk. Do you understand?”

Just like that, I felt all the heat leave my bones, and I shivered. I nodded, and John put his arm around me. Christ, he were warm all of the sudden. “Let’s get inside.” To me, quieter, he said, “Try eating some bread or broth. They’ll go down easier than a pie.”

I nodded and let him keep his arm around me as we went in. John sat real close to me, warm and protective. He pulled a piece of bread off the plate with the pie and pushed it toward me.

In all the time I’d known John, he’d played the older brother to most everyone at some point, but never with me. And to have him do it then felt fair strange.

I picked the bread up and took a little bite, gnawing on it a bit. “I have some information,” I said, hating how feeble my voice sounded.

Rob didn’t look at me. “Go ahead.”

“Gisbourne’s getting us back. He’s tripling the forest patrols, day and night. Anyone caught poaching will be strung up the next dawn.”