Too damn bad. I am not leaving. I need to stand my ground. He isn’t pushing me away anymore, and I’m not running either. It’s time that we fight for each other rather than against each other.

I lean forward and push onto my tiptoes so we are chest to chest before I grab his face between my palms. When I open myself completely to him, two things can happen. Either he’ll hear what I say and see the truth in my words or he’ll push me away. Our lives’ course will be determined on how he steers the horse, he can throw us off or ride steady.

“I’m here because I love you, you thick-headed, unwilling-to-listen, lovable idiot! I’m here because I choose you. I’ve always chosen you because I can’t imagine my life without you. I’m here because I love you so much my insides hurt no matter how many times I tell you that I shouldn’t keep runnin’ back.” He tenses, and I watch the shift in his gaze. “So, if you want to keep arguin’ about this, I’m happy to, but you said you love me, and I’m standin’ before you askin’ you to let me do the same.”

Trent searches my eyes and his breathing stops as he touches my cheek. “What?”

“I said I love you.”

His thumb grazes my lip. “Say it again.”

“I love you.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “The other part.”

My breathing is shallow, and I know what he needs. “I choose you. I didn’t choose Cooper. There really never was a choice. It’s been you since I was sixteen.”

Not a second later, Trent’s mouth crushes against mine. His lips are soft, but the kiss is not as he holds my head to his and pours all his emotions into me. His fear is palpable as his fingers slide into my hair, holding me closer, breathing my air, and taking what I’m offering him. It’s as if I can feel him telling me I’m his reason for breathing.

He pulls back, and I run my fingers through his hair. We stand here together with his forehead against mine. My heart rate starts to slow as the seconds pass.

“I need to check on my family, but I just want to stay here,” he murmurs.

I lift my head, remembering why I’m here in the first place. “Is he okay?”

He shakes his head.

Trent takes my hand in his, and we start to walk toward the waiting room. He doesn’t say anything as we move through the hall. I can tell he’s on the edge of falling apart.

“What happened?” I urge.

Trent replays the scene at the pond. His voice cracks when he gets to the part about doing CPR on his father. I can’t imagine what that was like for him. He’s had to do all kinds of life saving measures as a police officer. There have been calls where he’s lost someone and times he’s saved them, but from the pain laced in his voice, this time will never leave him.

Knowing the choice that you make in a single moment will dictate if someone will live has to be scary, but knowing it could be your decision that could end the life of someone you love is terrifying.

“So, what are the doctors sayin’?” I ask, watching closely as his face falls.

“I don’t know. All Mama said is that he has stage four cancer.”

“What? When?”

“Apparently, he was diagnosed six months ago. I don’t know how the hell they could keep this from my brothers and me. It’s such bullshit!” Trent stops in front of the doors. “Everyone is tryin’ to wrap their minds around it. Zach isn’t handling it at all, and Wyatt is just Wyatt.”

“How are you handlin’ it?”

He moves closer and pulls me back in his arms. “I’m not sure. I’ve been so messed up today between him and you.” Trent lets out a heavy sigh. “I didn’t lose you, and I’m damn sure not going to lose him. I’m going to have to convince him to fight.”

We enter the waiting room hand in hand, and I hope there’s a way he gets what he wants.

Chapter 13

Trent

E very minute feels like days . We all sit quietly and wait for any news from the doctors. They’re still running some tests, so it’s a waiting game.

Grace’s mother arrives, looking frantic as she rushes over to Mrs. Kannan and Mrs. Townsend.

“Is it the cancer?” she asks and they all nod, but Grace’s head snaps in their direction, her eyes narrowing.

“Mama, you knew?”

“It wasn’t my story to tell, sugar.”

“You all knew?” I yell. “Y’all knew that he was dyin’ and didn’t tell us? You let us go to Zach’s wedding without knowin’ it could’ve been his last? You let us skip Sunday dinners with them, and all the other things we could’ve been doin’, all the things we should have been doing!”

These women are like family. They’ve been to every event in our lives. They’re my mother’s best friends, and none of them thought we should know. Not one thought it would be important for us. The time I could’ve spent with him . . . gone.

Mrs. Kannan steps forward. “We begged them to tell you, honey. Y’all had a right to know, but we weren’t going to be the ones to tell you.”

I start to pace as my mind spins. “There has to be something we can do.”

Someone coughs, and I turn to look at the doctor now standing there. “Trent,” he says, dropping a nod in my direction.

“Dr. Halpern, is he all right?” I move closer.

“He’s resting. His anemia is affecting his heart. The lack of oxygen and red blood cells in his body have started to cause other organs to struggle. We warned him this would be possible, but I think he pushed himself too hard today. He needs some other tests, and I’m recommending a blood transfusion immediately. If we can get the anemia under control we can assess what to do next.”

“What about the cancer?” Zach asks. “Is there a chance he can beat it?”

Dr. Halpern shakes his head. “Your father would need to undergo a great amount of chemo and then most likely would need a bone marrow transplant. Considering the fact that he’s allowed the cancer to grow for the last six months, I’m not sure that treatment is even an option at this point. It’s up to him now.”

Rage starts to boil in my blood. Wasted time we can’t get back. Things we can’t fix because we didn’t know about them. I can’t understand what he was thinking.