Bailey lifted her gaze, her eyes meeting mine and the disappointment I saw in them had my heart dropping to my stomach. Her throat bobbed with her swallow, and she got to her knees, her movements slow as she reached out for a leaf. “I didn’t really have plans,” she mumbled.

I kneeled down next to her, leaves crunching beneath my weight as I brushed my fingers along hers. “Is something wrong?”

Her sad eyes lifted and locked on mine as she faked a smile. “I’m fine, baby.” She kissed me quickly, then went back to looking at the leaves. “I wonder if there’s a way we can preserve the color.”

*

Five YouTube tutorials later, Bailey had a plan, and Tiny had a shopping list he promised to take care of the next day.

The leaves sat in a much neater pile, in the corner of the room. As Bailey and I got into bed, Tiny’s words and her reaction still weighed heavily on my mind.

I lay on my stomach, one hand under the pillow, the other on her waist.

She rolled her head to the side, her smile still fake and her eyes still lost. I tried to find the right words to tell her what I was thinking and after minutes of silence, I gave up on the words and moved closer to her, my hand on her hip, pulling her toward me. I nuzzled into her neck as her hands landed softly on the back of my head. I’d never felt as appreciated as I did when her fingers laced through my hair and she whispered my name.

I moved my hand down her stomach, to the lace of her panties as she tilted her neck, making room for me. Her legs spread when my hand dipped into the waistband, her fingers gripping my hair tighter. My movements were slow, fingers gentle as they skimmed the lips of her pussy.

I wasn’t touching her to get her off.

I was doing it to appreciate her.

From the sounds she was making, and the motions of her hips, I knew she wanted more, I could smell the need pouring out of her. But I didn’t give it to her, not yet. Instead, I kissed her neck, up to her ear. And then, stupidly, I asked, “Do you want me to give you diamonds?”

Her body tensed beneath mine and mine did the same, my finger poised at her entrance. “What?” she asked.

I slid a finger inside her, relaxing the moment I felt her body do the same. “Or perfume. Or something?”

Her legs clamped around my hand, her fingers circling my wrists. “Nate,” she said, her voice firm. I looked up at her and wiggled my finger inside her, causing her to moan, but not to forget. “What are you talking about?”

“Or clothes. I could buy you clothes. I have money, you know. I mean, I’m not Fuck You rich, but I can afford to—”

She loosened her grip on my hand and spread her legs, just enough so I was able to move more freely. “What the hell am I going to do with diamonds, or perfume, or clothes?” she asked, her eyes motioning around the room as if to prove how stupid I’d been.

With an annoyed huff, I pulled my hand away and fell onto my back, my frustrated glare aimed at the ceiling.

“Nathaniel!” she yelped, sitting up quickly. A flash of rage sparked in her eyes and for a moment, I was afraid. Then I remembered she was a hundred pounds soaking wet, and physically, I’d be fine. But emotionally…

As quickly as she’d sat up, she moved to sit on top of me, her legs straddling mine. “You can’t tease me like that!” she whined, her fingers locking with mine as she pinned down my hands with hers. My cock wasn’t immune to how she was positioned and the way she moved on me. She leaned forward; her tits only inches from my mouth, and my dick throbbed. Her eyes drifted shut while she ground down on me. Just once. But they snapped open when she felt my hands attempt to break free from her so I could grab her waist, her ass, her tits, any part of her. With her jaw set, she pressed down on my hands, and I couldn’t help but smirk. “It’s kind of adorable that you think you can hold me down.”

She moved on me again, her eyebrows raised, and I decided to quit challenging her. She smiled. “What was with you just now? Asking me about diamonds and perfume?”

I was too uncomfortable (or maybe too ashamed) to face her so I looked away. She didn’t miss a beat, didn’t give me a chance to wallow in the depths of my pathetic insecurities. “Nate?”

“I know you were disappointed about the leaves. It was dumb to think that you’d want them. Tiny compared them to diamonds and now that I think about it, it’s so fuckin’ stupid and of course you’re going to be disappointed. They’re fuckin’ leaves, Bai—”

“You think I’m disappointed because I wanted more than leaves?” she asked, releasing my hands. Her shoulders dropped as she leaned back, her arms wrapped around her stomach.

“I saw your face, Bailey. It’s kind of hard to deny.”

She swallowed loudly as she looked down at me, an emotion on her face I couldn’t decipher. Then she sighed, shifted off me and laid next to me, her gaze on the ceiling. She reached for my hand under the covers, and I let her take it, a nervous silence blanketing the both of us.

“It’s not what you think,” she said quietly, her head rolling to the side so she could face me. I was already watching her, waiting for her to speak. “And I’m sorry that you thought that.”

“So what is it?” I asked, moving to my side. I waited for her to do the same and once she did, I pulled her by the waist until we were chest to chest, our legs a tangled mess.

“You’re going to think it’s dumb,” she whispered, her gaze lowering.

I held her tighter, my forehead against hers. “So tell me anyway.”

She sucked in a breath and held it for a while as if doing so would give her the strength she needed. “I know it sounds stupid, but besides you, it was the only thing I had to look forward to every day… a stupid leaf… and now it’s gone.”

33

Bailey

1,362.

1,363.

1,364.

I’d started counting again. Obviously.

I needed to.

I needed to do something, and counting was the only thing that kept my attention long enough.

I’d woken up with a headache. One caused by all the stupid crying I’d done last night. Nate had held me, not offering much as far as verbal support but then again, what could he say? I was crying because he’d given me too many leaves and no amount of hushes, or hair strokes could take away how pathetic I was, or the fact that, yes, I was still crying about it.

I’d pretended to sleep in until the last possible minute, just enough for Nate to make sure I’d taken my meds and for him to get me my breakfast and then he was off, and I was left with a pile of leaves and two thousand and something tiles.

I showered three times, shaved once, made the bed ten times after getting in and out nine times. I circled the room, did jumping jacks, and flushed my lunch down the toilet. That was all six thousand and something tiles ago.

The sounds of the house alarm went off, and I sat in my spot in front of the wall, annoyed that the noise had interrupted my count, and listened to Nate and Tiny’s voices as they came closer, their footsteps thumping across the floor, stopping for a moment at the basement entry. A second later, the wooden stairs creaked, and a few seconds after that, Nate spoke behind me. “Tiny got that stuff you wanted,” he said, and I looked up at him leaning against the doorframe, hands in his pockets. “Sorry.” He grimaced. “Did I make you lose count?” His tone was flat, his voice weary and I cocked my head as I took him in. Really took him in. His hair was a mess. Long, thick, dark strands sticking out all over the place and his eyes… his eyes were so tired. Still, he stood there, a smile on his face that was as sincere as any other he’d given me, and so I got to my feet, and made my way to him, my hand grasping his as soon as he was within reach.