Graceful Read online

  Thank you.

  I trace the final words with my fingers. I know why she’s thanking me. She can finally let go of the guilt of not being able to cure David’s great-great-grandfather. I am grateful that I can give that to her, but I can’t help worrying, too. Who am I to play with people’s lives in this way? I’m thrilled for the Goldbergs of course, but what about all the other people I didn’t help?

  I keep dwelling on this question as my hand slides over the letters. “Ouch!” I yelp, yanking my hand away. It felt like a little spark jumped off the paper and into my finger. I look back down at the card, expecting to see a scorch mark. Instead, there are new words where the large blank space used to be!

  Young Grace, these questions are too big for you to ask. The vortex chose us for reasons that are its own. Perhaps we will know them one day, or perhaps not. Until then, trust.

  I touch my fingers gently to the words. I don’t get a shock this time. “I’ll try,” I whisper. “Good night, Angelina.”

  But the postcard stays silent.

  Dear Diary,

  I have a lot to catch you up on. Good and not so good. First, whenever I see David at school he’s grinning so wide his cheeks must hurt. He showed all of us his big family tree on his wall and it’s AMAZING. I see his parents around town and everyone treats them like they’ve always been here. It’s SOOOO weird!!! But very cool!!

  On the Team Grace front, we’ve been pretty much all doing our own thing. Grace has been lying low since her forgetting spell worked so well. She and Bailey have been off doing normal kid stuff, which is really great. I ran into them at the Willow Falls Diner eating chocolate chip pancakes and they had chocolate all over them and they didn’t even mind. That’s what it’s like at their age. I remember when I didn’t care, and it wasn’t even so long ago. Tara and Rory cornered me in the cafeteria last week and asked me if everything was okay because I’ve been kind of quiet lately, and I said that everything’s fine, but I’m not so sure it is.

  Something happened today that I feel really weird about. That’s the “not so good” thing I said was coming. A week or two after school started, I saw this flyer at the music store when I stopped in to get new drumsticks. The flyer said some kids from the high school were forming a band and needed a drummer. You know how I’m good friends with the owners of the store — Larry and Laurence? Remember how they always said one day I’d be old enough to be in a real band? I guess since you’re a diary and not a real person you wouldn’t know that, but trust me, they did say that. Still, I wasn’t really going to do it because between homework and Leo and Team Grace and marching band, I don’t really have time even if I DID get in, which I probably wouldn’t. Anyway, then Kylie saw the flyer on my desk. I thought she was going to tell me I was crazy and that I’d never make it. But she told me that even though she didn’t really get how banging the drums was music, other people seemed to think I had talent, and hadn’t I always said I wanted to be in a band that didn’t march?

  Leo texted me while I was riding my bike over to the audition, but I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to lie and make up some reason why I wasn’t home. I just wanted this to be mine.

  The downstairs room of the music store was full of people practicing on invisible drums while they waited their turn. There were some other girls, but I was the youngest by a few years.

  I’ll cut to the chase, Diary. I didn’t make the band. But as I was leaving, this guy in Kylie’s grade asked if I wanted to get coffee and talk about playing the drums. I don’t “get coffee” because ICK, it’s so gross, and also Rory once drank way too much and went, like, totally bonkers, and we should really learn from the mistakes of our friends.

  But did I mention the guy was really cute and boys don’t ask me out? And it’s not because they know about Leo, it’s because they just don’t. Or haven’t before this, anyway.

  Also, I heard Kylie’s voice in my head telling me I should go because she always says you never know if the perfect guy for you is just around the corner, and I know she thinks I’m with Leo just because he’s “comfortable.” So I said okay to the guy whose name was Christian or Tristan or Justin (it was loud in the music store when he first told me his name). We went down the street to the Friendly Bean, a coffee shop in town that the high school kids go to, but where I’ve never been.

  We both got iced teas, and he made some joke about how he should have invited me for tea instead of coffee but then we’d sound like little old ladies. I laughed. That joke was the high point of the date because, Diary, I swear, not five minutes after we sat down, LEO’S MOTHER WALKS IN and orders a coffee! Darn this small town!!

  She saw me at the exact second I saw her, so there was no chance of ducking. I’d describe her first reaction as surprised and happy to see me, then her second one as just surprise, then her third as confusion, then her fourth as embarrassment. I would describe mine as: horror, followed by more horror, and then even more horror.

  She gave me a little wave and left without even getting her coffee. Christian/Tristan/Justin was talking about this new snare drum he’s saving up to buy at the music store, but my head was buzzing and I couldn’t hear him.

  When I got home from the date or whatever it was, I told Kylie what happened and I thought she was going to say I was stupid for even worrying about it since I’m my own person and Leo is Leo and he’ll always be there, but instead she threw a pillow at me and yelled, “What is wrong with you? You have a perfectly good boyfriend and you risk messing it up?”

  Well, Diary, my mouth fell open on that one! When I tried to argue that she was the one who said I shouldn’t let Leo hold me back, she said, “Don’t listen to ME! I’ve never had someone love me since I was born like you have! I mean, except for family of course and that doesn’t count!”

  I tried to argue that of course family counts, but I knew that wasn’t really her point.

  “It was just coffee,” I argue.

  Then she says, “How would you feel if Leo didn’t reply to your text and then went out for ‘just coffee’ with some random girl?”

  Feeling defiant, I crossed my arms and said, “I wouldn’t care. He’s his own person and we’re only thirteen. We have our whole lives ahead of us.”

  “That’s right,” she said. “And you can either have it with someone you love and who loves you even when you’re a pain in the butt, which you’ve been lately, or you can spend it trying to replace that person. Your choice.”

  She’s right. I know she’s right. So of course I stormed out of her room and that’s why I’m writing this to you.

  Maybe Mrs. Fitzpatrick didn’t tell Leo she saw me. That’s possible, right?

  Heartbreak & Despair

  By Leo Fitzpatrick

  She doesn’t even like coffee.

  I admit it — my heart does kinda ache,

  It actually feels like it’s going to break.

  I’ve been here before,

  But I guess I’m back for more.

  Why was she with some other guy?

  I’ve got to man up, I can’t start to cry.

  I know three years ago I hurt her really bad,

  I hope she didn’t feel half this sad.

  She’s my best friend,

  And I’ll stand by her to the end.

  I just want her to be happy,

  Even if it makes me feel crappy.

  I hope the guy had bad breath.

  ANNABELLE: Don’t freak out.

  RORY: How can I not freak out if you start a text with “don’t freak out”?

  Just do your best. And remember, it doesn’t mean anything.

  Just tell me!

  Remember a few weeks ago when Jake surprised you and then your family brought him hiking down near the reservoir and you fell and he had to carry you out?

  I didn’t fall! I was just showing him the drainpipe I got stuck in that one time. And then, okay, I sort of fell. What about it?

  Wait, you were stuck in a drainpipe?