[Bellevue Bullies 01.0] Boarded by Love Read online

  Claire Anderson: My life is going to change tonight, I feel it in my gut. It may be the start of something new and exciting but it could possibly be the end of something else. While I want to be excited for my future, I can’t when I don’t have him beside me. #broken #IMissHim #HopeHeShowsUp #IDontWantToLiveWithoutHIm

  Chewing on the inside of my lip, I open the comments and read as all her friends say that if it is meant to be, it will work out, and all that stupid stuff that girls say to make the other girl feel better, when really they are just happy she’s miserable like them. Taking in a deep breath, I read her status again, and I don’t know how I feel. I miss her. So much. I love her, even though she lied to me. I know that, and I really don’t want her to start something new without me. I want to be there with her. I want to be supportive and cheer on her endeavors. I just have to figure out if I can let it go. Since being on Facebook won’t do that, I tuck my phone in my pocket and look out at the stage.

  This time a girl is dancing solo with a chair. When I’m sure it is not Claire, I reach for my beer just as someone says, “I didn’t think you were going to come.”

  I look over my shoulder to find Phillip standing behind me. I nod slowly and say, “Didn’t think I was going to either.”

  “Is this seat taken?” he asks, pulling out a chair, and before I can answer, he lowers himself into it, leaving his forearms on the table and looking at me. “I’m glad you came. It will mean the world to her.”

  I shrug. “Yeah, don’t tell her ’cause I’m not sure how I feel about this yet.”

  Phillip nods his head slowly, his eyes on his hands, and I’m not sure why he’s here. “I wanted to talk to you about that.”

  “Why?” I ask, my brows coming together. “Shouldn’t you be glad that we broke up? That there is a chance I’m no longer going to steal Claire away? I’m no longer a threat, so what is there to talk about?”

  He glares and then says, “A lot actually. While I don’t want you with her, and I don’t want you to take her away from me, I know she loves you. And because she loves you, I have to give you the benefit of the doubt and trust that she’s right about you.”

  “Yeah, that trust thing with Claire is a little iffy right now,” I say, and I know he doesn’t like that one bit.

  “You know she lied to me too,” he says and I meet his gaze, surprised by that. “But here is how I forgave her. I know it’s different because you don’t have to love her, but–”

  “Yeah, I do,” I say. “I do have to love her.”

  He nods with a grin growing on his face. “I thought you might say that. So let’s just say we’re in the same boat then, and this is how I’ve stayed afloat and not lost my mind,” he pauses and lets out a breath before looking back at the stage. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but of course, I need to know how he forgave her. I didn’t know that she had lied to both of us; I thought she told Phillip everything.

  Looking back at me, he says, “I know I could just stop talking to her. Cut all ties and just do what is expected – make sure she’s taken care of and safe. That was my plan at first because I couldn’t get over that she’d lied to me. Me, her person, but she did. For a long time, and my wife was in on it too. You can just imagine how pissed I was.”

  I don’t answer; I just nod as he goes on, “But then after five days, I sat there and thought, can I really let her go and never see her smiling face again or hear her tell me she loves me? The answer was no. I promised that I would love her and support her no matter what, and I’ve done a great job of that. Yeah, I’m hard on her about guys she dates, but she knows I love her. Do I like that she’s on that stage? Hell no. I hate it and want to pull her off it, but she had it in her head that she has to have this security of money. She doesn’t now, if you’re wondering. She knows who she needs, where she finds her security – it just took trial and error to learn that.”

  I clear my throat since it is thick with emotion and say, “I understand that everyone makes mistakes, but how do I forgive her? How do I trust that she’ll never hurt me again?”

  “You just do,” he answers simply. “I ‘dated’ Reese for months, and when she broke up with me, and then she wanted me back, I had that moment where I was like, do I take her back? Do I trust that she’ll never hurt me again? I thought, can I live without her smile and the sound of her telling me she loves me? The answer was no again. Those two girls have me wrapped around their fingers, and yeah, they both messed up, but I forgave them because I love them.”

  Chewing on my lip, I let out a long breath. I’m not sure why, but I admit, “But I don’t want to be my mom, forever forgiving my dad’s mistakes.”

  “I understand that and I agree, but if they really love you, they won’t make the same mistake twice.”

  Looking toward the stage, I take in a deep breath as another girl comes on and does some fan looking dance. Weird, but I need something to distract me because Phillip is killing me here. Every time I hear Claire’s name, think of her sweet lips and loving eyes, a little piece of me breaks because I miss her so much. I’m so irritated with myself for falling so quickly and not seeing that she may have been holding back some things. Instead of questioning and being more sure of who I was falling for, I just fell. And for some reason, I don’t regret any of it. I love Claire. With everything inside me. And I want her back.

  “You’ve heard that song, ‘Hey Jude,’ right?” he asks suddenly, and I give him a dark look as he smiles. “Of course you have, but there is a part in the song that I think will help. You know the song, so correct me if I’m wrong, but I think it goes, ‘Hey Jude, don’t be afraid, you were meant to go out and get her.’” He waits for me to say something, but what the hell do I say to that? So I just stare at him as he grins like a fool, like he’s the funniest guy in the world, and then he says, “I mean, it says it in the song; I think you should listen.”

  Scoffing, I roll my eyes as I direct them back to the stage. “I don’t know.”

  Suddenly, his hand comes crashing against my shoulder and he says, “You do know.”

  Then I watch as he walks away, sitting beside the person I had assumed was Reese. Sitting down, he kisses her cheek, and I let out the breath I was holding. That guy makes me so nervous, but the surprising thing is he’s the only one who’s gotten through to me. I’m not sure why, but maybe I can trust her, maybe I can believe that this can work, that I can forgive her.

  Glancing up at the stage since the room has gone dark, I watch as they set up a pole. Then the soft music starts and the curtain behind the pole opens to reveal Claire standing in all her gorgeous glory. She’s wearing only one of my Bullies tees, her red hair shiny and down along her shoulders, with no makeup. It’s not what I expected. I expected her to be all done up, ready for a show, but she looks so beautiful, so vulnerable.

  And fuck, I miss her.

  I’ve gotten her texts, her calls, her Facebook messages, but I’ve just ignored everything trying to figure out what I need to do. I’ve seen her around campus, but I don’t think she’s ever seen me. A part of me feels like she stopped looking, but then I realized that maybe she felt as empty as I do and was just going through the motions of life. Like I have. I mean, what is the point of trying to live a good life when it’s not with your other half?

  It’s like lying, and I’m tired of lying.

  Chapter 49

  Claire

  As I stand there, the lights warm my face and I look out into the audience.

  Searching for him.

  My nerves are eating me alive, and I’ve never been nervous before, but the seven men that sit behind Reese and Phillip are the men who are going to decide my future in this business.

  But I don’t see him.

  Biting into my lip to keep it from wobbling, I run my hands up my thighs, taking the edges of Jude’s shirt and pulling it off, throwing it to the ground as Curtis Jarvis sings “Stay With Me.” It’s one of my favorite songs since Jude and I split up, if that’s what