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  For the next few moments, we don’t move. I hug him hard, loving the feel of him against me as his lips trail kisses up my neck and back down again. I hate myself for resisting him the way I did, because if I hadn’t, I would have had more time to memorize the feel of him against me. I think I’ll be doing that a lot from now on. Because when he’s gone, blowing the world away with his talent in the NHL and living his dream, I want to be able to remember everything about this moment.

  The moment I knew I’d never love another man the way I love Ryan.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Sofia

  We arrive at Mrs. Justice’s house a little late, but I don’t think she minds too much. The moment the door opens, she envelops Ryan in a huge hug, and then she demands he tell her everything. That’s when I slip away. Not only do I need to change, but I need panties. I feel so dirty being around his mom with nothing covering the parts Ryan can’t seem to keep his hands off of. Walking down the hall of Ryan’s house, which is equally as massive as Shea’s, I hear Shelli and Amelia in her room. I sneak into the bathroom because I just need a second to breathe.

  Shutting the door quietly, I turn, pressing my back to it before covering my mouth with my hand to muffle my sob. When I slide down the door, my ass hits the cold floor, but I just don’t care. I unload. I’m crying silently the way I did when I would hide in my gym after my coach would rip me a new one. I don’t know how many times that man screamed at me that if I didn’t stop fucking up, he’d rip my head off and shit down my throat.

  I don’t ever want to be that coach. My girls will never cry the way I did. They’ll love me, and I’ll love them. They’ll be proud to call me their coach. If I even make it. Because at this moment, I want to give it all up and follow Ryan anywhere. I won’t, but I fucking want to. I cover my face as I cry, gasping for breath as my tears rush down my face. I’m unsure what crying about all this is going to do right now, but I have to get it out.

  I seriously thought my plan was solid. I thought I would tell him, and he’d be just as excited as me, if not more. He’d tell me he loved me, and I would tell him the same, and we’d live happily ever after. Instead, I’m in the guest bathroom of his parents’ huge house, a room the size of my whole apartment back in Nevada, crying my ass off.

  This is why boys are trouble. This right here, this feeling of despair. They make you fall so hard, head over heels for them, and make you want to do stupid stuff. Stuff you would never in your life consider. The thing is, if Ryan knew I wanted to do half the things that are running through my mind right now, he’d be livid. Because he is a good man, and he wants the best for me.

  But in my head, the best for me is him.

  “Damn it,” I cry, closing my eyes so tightly and wishing like hell I were anywhere but here. I need to breathe, and right now, I feel like I’m suffocating.

  When a knock comes on the door, I hold my breath, wiping my face quickly.

  “Sofia?” Amelia asks, and my lip juts out, wobbling.

  “Yeah?” I ask, trying to keep my voice even.

  “Hey, open up.”

  “Um…”

  But she’s already pushing the door open. It crashes into me, and when she peeks her head in, her brows are mushed together. When she realizes I’m crying, though, she falls to her knees, shutting the door and gathering me in her arms. “Oh no. What’s wrong? Did Ryan do something? I’ll kill him.”

  I shake my head as a silent sob leaves my lips before I wrap my arms around her, clinging to her. “No, he’s amazing.”

  “Is your mom okay?”

  “She’s fine,” I cry into her shoulder, and I feel so stupid. “I love him.”

  She goes still, and then she’s patting her hand to my back. “Oh, Sofia.”

  “I know, you warned me. But I didn’t listen, and I fell hard for him. I love him with all my heart and soul, and he’s leaving. He won’t ever be here, and he’d never let me come with him. How am I supposed to let him go? And am I stupid for loving him when it’s obvious he hasn’t fallen for me?”

  She squeezes me tightly, her lips by my temple as she rocks us back and forth, trying to soothe me. “Oh, Sofia,” she whispers. “I knew this was going to happen, and I probably shouldn’t have put y’all together, but I knew how great you’d be as a couple.”

  “And we are,” I say, pulling back to look at her. “Amelia, he’s perfect, so gentle and kind, and he would do anything for me. He runs with me every morning ’cause he knows I hate it. He works out with me because it’s fun when we’re together. I watch him play, and I love it. He watches me, and I feel so good when he does. He’s amazing, and a day doesn’t pass where he doesn’t tell me I’m beautiful. Come on, how the hell am I supposed to get over that?”

  “You won’t,” she says softly. “He’ll always have your heart, and any man you even try to get with won’t last ’cause they aren’t him.”

  “Wow, thanks,” I say, annoyed as I cover my face. “That doesn’t help a thing.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry.”

  “So, what do I do? I can’t break up with him. I don’t want to and…ugh, this is so stupid.”

  “Just enjoy the time—”

  “Oh God, please don’t finish that sentence,” I moan, letting my head fall between my knees. Looking at the bright-white tile, I inhale deeply. “I love him so much, and I wish I were smart like he was and kept my feelings locked up.” She scoffs at that, and I look up at her. “What?”

  “Sofia, come on. He is absolutely in love with you.”

  I gawk at her. “He hasn’t said it.”

  “Probably because he knows it’ll complicate things,” she says, reaching out and taking my hand in hers. “He doesn’t want to hurt you, and if he tells you he loves you, it will make this so much harder when he leaves.”

  My lip wobbles as another sob starts to build up in my chest. Blinking back the tears, I whisper, “I don’t want him to leave.”

  “Aw,” she coos before leaning her head to mine. “I know. I didn’t want Drew to go either, but he did.”

  Because he’s a jackass who doesn’t deserve you. But I don’t say that. Instead, I ask, “How did you handle it?”

  “I slept with Moon.”

  I go still. “Excuse me?”

  When I look up to her, she’s just grinning. “What?”

  “You slept with Moon?”

  “Yeah,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “That night at the party, I pulled him in the bathroom, and we started making out. Things were great, it was awesome, and then we got down to business. He was a great rebound.”

  I just blink at her. “You slept with Moon?”

  “Sofia, it’s a pretty easy concept. You don’t have to keep repeating it.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t understand. You never told me!”

  “’Cause we promised we never would,” she says with a shrug. “But now that he’s off to wherever he is going, and I’m off to Philly—”

  “Whoa, what?”

  She’s so calm as she shrugs again. “Sofia, the last week with Drew was magical. I love him so much, and he has this great apartment for us. I’m gonna transfer to a school in Philly next year.”

  “But the team?”

  “I’m gonna try out for their team.”

  When the tears start down my face again, I don’t even try to stop them. “So I’ll lose you and Ryan?”

  Her face changes within seconds, her eyes welling up as she reaches for me. “Oh, Sofia, you’re so strong, you’ll be fine.”

  “But I love you too, and you make me a better person.”

  “No, you make me better,” she stresses as she holds my face, wiping away the tears. “And who knows? I may come back if it doesn’t work out. I don’t know, but I have to try.”

  As I gaze into her eyes, I wonder if I should do the same. Go wherever Ryan signs. I’m sure I can open a gym. Yeah, that’s a great plan.

  Except Ryan would never go for it.

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