Changing Lines (Bellevue Bullies Book 5) Read online

  The feeling of being ripped to shreds because you can’t give your loving husband a baby.

  It’s torture.

  I inhale deeply as I kick my feet back and forth from where I am sitting on the exam table. While I am nervous about seeing my doctor, I’m more nervous about seeing Tristan today. That doesn’t happen a lot. I’m usually really excited, but Jude’s comments kept me up all night. I played out every single scenario in my brain. If Tristan was involved, if she wasn’t, and everything in between. I get what Jude is saying, but I worry that she would regret it. That she would miss the baby. Or maybe I’m thinking only what I would feel. I miss my nieces and nephews like a part of me is absent, and they aren’t even mine. This is Tristan’s child, and she doesn’t want to be a part of its life? I can’t comprehend it.

  But then, he won’t be hers—he’ll be ours.

  I know people do this a lot. Young women who want better for their children, but with Tristan, I want to feel it’s different. I want her to care, to be involved. But the more I’ve thought about it, the more I don’t think she wants to be. It freaks me out, and it’s going to be a hard conversation, but I need to speak to her about it. I just wish Jude were here with me.

  I hate when he’s gone. I miss him terribly, but it’s the name of the game. The good news is that they accepted our offer on the house, and we close in a couple weeks. It frightens me to think we’ll be bringing a baby on a plane and then to a brand-new house that neither of us has lived in, but that’s our life. That’s our normal, and our boy will adjust. He’ll adjust because we love him. I don’t even know him yet, but I’m so in love with him. I can’t wait to be a mom. But most of all, I can’t wait to see Jude as a dad. My ovaries always feel like they’re going to explode watching him with our nieces and nephews. He’s gorgeous as all hell.

  When the door opens, it brings me out of my head, and my gaze settles on Dr. Livingston. She is a young doctor, around my age, and has been with us since the beginning. A small smile sits on her face as she pushes her chestnut hair off her shoulders.

  “How are you feeling?”

  I nod, my fingers squeezing the shit out of each other. “Good. I’m following the keto diet hardcore, like you asked, and I only tried to kill Jude twice when he came home with a Snickers.”

  She snorts, but she isn’t smiling like I want. “That’s wonderful, and it shows. Unfortunately, you’re not pregnant. But the great news is, you are ovulating.”

  You’d think by now I’d be used to those words, but every time, it’s like a brand-new stab wound to my chest. I even knew I wasn’t pregnant—I took a test last night—but fresh tears still burn my eyes. Wait. I’m ovulating?

  “I am?”

  “Yeah,” she says happily. “Everything is looking really good. Your lining and uterus look strong. Way better than it had been looking, which is why I wanted you to try keto. The research on what it does for infertility is pretty impressive.”

  “So, I could get pregnant on my own?”

  “I don’t know, and I don’t want to promise that.” She sits on her stool and scoots toward me, leaning forward. “Listen, I know you guys are adopting, so we can wait, but what about another round of in vitro?”

  My stomach drops. We’ve been through four rounds, and I lost each baby. Sometimes multiples. Not being pregnant is one thing, but losing babies… Man… That’s a whole different kind of hell. Especially when you pay so damn much money to get it done, which is why we were looking for surrogates.

  “Is it a better chance than last time?”

  She looks over the chart again, and then she leans over to turn on the iPad. Soon, the ultrasounds of my uterus are showing. She moves her fingers along the screen, explaining what she thinks, but it’s all mumbo jumbo to me. I just want her to look at me and tell me it will work, that we’ll get pregnant, but I know she can’t do that. Man, I wish Jude were here. I hold my hand up as a tear slides down my cheek.

  “So, we’d do it now?”

  She nods. “I have both samples. We can do it today.”

  “Now?”

  “Now. I think it could work.”

  “Could?”

  “I give it solid seven-in-ten odds.”

  More tears. “You’re not screwing with me?”

  “No, I’m serious.”

  I swallow hard. Our baby boy will be here any day now. Are we sure we want to do this now? “Can I call my husband?”

  “Of course.”

  I open my phone and dial Jude’s number. He answers after the third ring. “Sorry, I’m at this lunch. I had to excuse myself for the bathroom. Are you okay?”

  “I am.” My voice is weak. “Dr. Livingston wants to do another round of in vitro.”

  “What? Why? It hasn’t worked.”

  “I’m ovulating.”

  “No way.”

  “Yeah,” I say, breathless. “I know the baby is gonna be here any day now, and I know we’re moving—”

  “Do it.”

  My heart tries to explode in my chest. “Really?”

  “Yes. I’m so sorry I’m not there, but do it.”

  “But the baby? The move?”

  “They’ll hopefully be nine months apart. Irish twins. Close like Jayden and me. We got this. It’s you and me, gorgeous. We got this.”

  I cover my mouth to keep the sob in. “What if it doesn’t work?”

  “But what if it does?” he stresses. “I love you, Claire. I love you so much. Do it.”

  I close my eyes as more of my tears leak out. I don’t have to think long before the word leaves my lips. “Okay.”

  “Okay,” he says on a sigh. “I love you, gorgeous.”

  “I love you,” I say as everything tingles.

  Dr. Livingston cups my knee with a grin on her face. “Okay. Let me get everything going.”

  Oh my God! What if this works?

  “How do you feel?” Reese asks.

  Giddy. I feel fucking giddy. The grin on my face is permanent as I drive toward the restaurant where I’m meeting Tristan. Our lunch has now turned into an early dinner, but she didn’t mind. She did some homework from what she said, but I didn’t tell her why I was running late. I want to tell her in person. I did tell Reese, though. As soon as I got off the phone with Jude, I called her, and being the great aunt she is, she’s as excited as I am.

  “I feel great. I think this might be the time.”

  “Oh, Claire, I’m so excited for you. I hope it is. I want it to be. So much.”

  “Me too,” I gush. “Can you imagine, two babies? When we’ve only wanted one for so long?”

  “It would be a blessing.”

  “Seven-in-ten odds are awesome.”

  “Very awesome,” she says, happy for me. “Is Jude excited?”

  “So excited. He isn’t even nervous. He keeps telling me we have this, no matter what.”

  “He’s right. Not only do you have him, you have a huge family that is here for you two.”

  I’m grinning so hard, my face hurts. “I know, and I just feel good about this. I’m not even the least bit nervous.”

  She sighs joyfully. “You don’t know how happy that makes me.”

  I pull into the parking lot. “What are the boys doing?”

  “Flynn is at practice, and Sawyer is out with friends. You know, being boys and giving their mama a heart attack.”

  “How’s the dance studio? What happened with that one crazy mom?”

  “Eliza? Lord, Claire. I wouldn’t even know where to start. She’s fake to everyone’s face but then cuts them down behind their backs. It’s insane. I told her if she doesn’t stop stirring up drama, I’ll ask her to leave.”

  I shut the car door and lock it, a grimace on my face. “Ack. That’s not good.”

  “Eh, it is what it is. Competitive sports brings out the crazy in people.”

  “Yup.” I pull the restaurant door open. I see Tristan immediately, devouring a piece of bread. “Hey, I just got here. Can I