Whiskey Rebellion Read online

  “No.”

  “I’d never be embarrassed of you. Ever.”

  “I’m sorry. I really thought you wouldn’t want our business out there, especially with what everyone says.”

  She shrugs. “Again, I don’t care what they say. I only care what you think.”

  I can only look at her, unsure what to say or do. “I bought a ticket to Scotland for when I’m done here.”

  Pretty sure when my mom said to be honest, she didn’t mean for me to say it like that.

  Lena scrunches up her face. “Okay? What does that mean?”

  “I’ll be gone in a little over a month and a half.”

  She can only blink at me, her eyes full of such panic. “Okay, yer breaking up with me?”

  “I hadn’t even realized we were together.”

  Why did I say that?

  Her eyes widen, her face turning red, and I hold up my hands. “You don’t tell me anything, Lena. I’m just going with it, and I don’t know what we’re doing.”

  “I thought it was pretty clear what we were doing,” she says deliberately, and then she stands. “So ya must be sleeping with someone else, then, if yer not with me.”

  “What the hell? No, Lena, you know I’m not.”

  “Well, neither am I.”

  “I didn’t think you were, but everything that’s happened seems like we’re just having fun.”

  Her eyes are a blazing blue as they lock with mine. “Is that all ya want?”

  “No, I want more, but you won’t open up to me. You won’t let me in, so how am I supposed to know what you feel?”

  “Yer supposed to know ’cause ya feel it,” she says simply, shaking her head.

  “You won’t let me in.”

  “I don’t let anyone in!” she finally yells, but then she looks away. “I’m gonna go.”

  “No, don’t—”

  “No, I need to because this is going to shite, and I’m worried for my ma and nervous. I don’t want to take it out on you, when we just haven’t really decided what we’re doing. Or even spoken of it because we’re too busy just having fun, I guess.”

  “Lena—”

  “I’ll see ya,” she says, throwing some money on the bar before getting up.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you.” I go to her. “I’m just unsure where I stand.”

  “I thought ya stood beside me.”

  “Or behind you.”

  Her eyes go wild with anger. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “It means that, no matter what, you can’t be with me. I’m leaving, and we both know you can’t go.”

  “Ya don’t know shite, Jacks,” she answers, her fiery eyes holding mine. “And instead of assuming everything, why don’t ya just ask?”

  “Fine. Can you go with me?”

  She throws her hands up. “I don’t know ’cause I don’t know when or where yer going!”

  I shake my head. “Fair enough, but tell me why you’re so closed off. Tell me what happened before London.”

  Her eyes cut to where Mason is trying to ignore us before she glances back to me. “I’ll see you later.”

  “Lena.”

  “No.” Her eyes are full of tears as she turns on her heel.

  Unable to let her go like this, I ask, “Will you come back to my place?”

  She doesn’t even look back at me. “No, I need my sleep.”

  And with that, she leaves.

  I can’t believe that just happened.

  I fucked that up, royally.

  No pun intended.

  “Wow, you’s an eejit, ya know that?”

  Looking to Mason, I nod. “I do know that.”

  I spent the night crying.

  I want to say I cried for my ma, and some of it was for her, but it was mostly for Jackson. I just don’t understand. I really don’t. How in the world did I not realize I was making him feel that way? Was I really that closed off? I thought we were getting along great. I felt the butterflies. I felt things I’d never felt before when I was around him. So what had I done wrong?

  And why did I constantly fuck everything up?

  “Ya have nothing to worry about.”

  I look to my ma. She’s lying in the hospital bed as we wait for them to take her back. Da and Declan have gone to get coffee, and Amberlyn has just left. They didn’t want Ronan here, so she’s gone home to care for him, relieving Fiona. And that’ll leave me alone with two lads who don’t talk unless spoken to.

  This is going to be a blast.

  “Ah, but I’ll worry nonetheless.”

  She reaches out, taking my hand. “I told ya, I’m not dying.”

  I move my fingers along the back of her hand, kissing her knuckles. I’m on the side of her that is droopy, and I almost want to move to the other side so that I’m with my ma. But if what the doctors are saying is true, I will have to get used to this version of her.

  No matter how much it hurts.

  “I love you, Lena.”

  I smile. “I love you.”

  “I want to thank ya for coming and helping out the way ya have.”

  “Ya forced me,” I laugh.

  “Sure, but ya stayed.”

  “Yer my ma. Of course I stayed.”

  She shares a small smile with me. “You’ve been on yer best behavior since we talked.”

  I scoff. “Or yer turning a cheek.”

  She shrugs. “Either way, you know I’m proud of you. You’ve been at every event, a smile on your face and providing beautiful suggestions. Did ya know that Mrs. Patten from the scholarship program called and told me how impressed she was with you? How everything she’d read was pure rubbish.”

  Pride spreads through my chest. “I didn’t know that.”

  “She did. I told ya, yer made for this.”

  I shake my head sadly. “I’m really not.”

  She holds my gaze the best she can. “You know no matter how this goes, I won’t be able to do it all on my own.” I look down at her hand, stroking her fingers with mine as I chew on my lip. “I want to say I’ll go back to normal, but they are saying it could be months before I’m even back on my feet.”

  “Then we’ll revisit everything after that.”

  “Or ya could just stay home. Where ya belong.”

  I want to tell her that I don’t belong, but the more I think about it, maybe I do. I have enjoyed the talks I’ve been to, though I still hate tea. But maybe she could handle those, and I could do the other things. I don’t know. But then, I hear Jackson in my head.

  He’s leaving, and I can’t go.

  I squeeze her hand. “We’ll talk this over later. Let’s get through this.”

  “That sounds like a grand idea.”

  I didn’t expect that, but then I hadn’t expected her not to bitch me out for going to the pub every night last week. I know she saw me having a picnic with Jackson, and she said nothing. I hadn’t realized how important that talk with her was until this moment, sitting with her in the hospital room as we wait for her to be wheeled down to surgery. We have an understanding between us, and I appreciate it greatly.

  When the door opens, Declan and Da come in. They’re right on time, because ten minutes later, the nurses are here to take Ma back. I kiss the back of her hand, then her palm before I kiss her cheek. I worry this is the last time I’ll see her. But I know that’s not true. She isn’t dying; she will make it. Brushing my tears from my face, I smile down at her. “I love you, Mama.”

  I haven’t called her that since I was a wee babe, but the grin that covers her face makes me want to say it more often. “I love you.”

  As they wheel her out of the room, Declan takes my hand as Ma throws up her other hand. “Don’t cry in the waiting room. Don’t want people thinking I’ve kicked the bucket.”

  I shake my head. “Jaysus, she’s wild.”

  Da laughs while Declan nods. “She is that.”

  Leaving the room, we head to the waiting room that has been prepared for