House of Cards: A Novel Read online

  ‘No, I don’t. It hurts only if I use it too much or lift heavy things. But I feel like the odd man out in any crowd.’

  Mridula felt his pain and did not know what to say. Sanjay continued, ‘When I had this problem, my mother gave me the courage to face it. She believed that I could be a good doctor despite my defect. She was my strength. My mother is responsible for what I am today.’

  Sanjay became nostalgic. His mother, Ratnamma, was a petty moneylender. She loved money and finance. He had told her many times that he did not like her line of work but she said that she enjoyed it. She was right. Everybody should do what he or she enjoyed!

  As Sanjay went down memory lane, he recalled that during the PT period in his school, the teacher would ask the students to stretch out their hands. All his classmates would make fun of him then. Sanjay would get upset and chase after them. When he could not catch them, he would go home and cry. Ratnamma would pacify him and say encouragingly, ‘Child, this was God’s decision. Who knows? One day, you may rule the world with this crippled hand!’

  ‘But you didn’t answer my question,’ Mridula reminded him.

  ‘Yes. I went to the hospital many times because of my hand. The doctors there helped me. So I also wanted to become a doctor. My father had three sisters and my mother had two. Since most of them died in childbirth, I thought about becoming a gynaecologist, even though I know that most women prefer female doctors.’

  They finished drinking their tea and took the next boat back to the mainland.

  For the next few days, Sanjay worked for half a day, and then he took Mridula out in the evenings. The days passed quickly and Mridula’s last day in Bombay came along. Her group arrived from Nagpur and Mridula planned to join them at the railway station. From there, the group was going to Kolhapur and then to Hubli.

  Mridula started packing her bags and decided to wait for Sanjay at the women’s hostel. She liked to wait for him. She recalled that when she was admitted in the hospital and was given saline, Sanjay had stayed the whole night with her so that she would not feel alone in a strange city. She had felt shy at the time because she barely knew this young man. Still, she felt an attraction towards him and wondered whether she would see him again after today.

  Sanjay was unable to concentrate on his work that day. He could not stop thinking about Mridula. He felt like he had known her forever. He had met her for the first time when it was raining in the dark and had caught her hand in Hubli. But the attraction was the same even in Bombay. It had not faded. He had seen beautiful and innocent girls in the movies and read about them in books, but it was difficult to meet such girls in real life. Sanjay felt lucky to know Mridula.

  He thought to himself, ‘After she leaves today, when will I see her again? I know that whoever marries Mridula will be fortunate. Usually, people comment on my short arm and question me. Shamelessly, they ask me whether it is hereditary or a birth defect. It makes me feel inferior. But Mridula didn’t ask me about it and didn’t treat me differently after she learnt about my accident. I’ve met her parents and seen her home. I know that her family is content, not pretentious or money-hungry. In a marriage, if the wife is ambitious, then a simple person like me will suffer. Why can’t I be that fortunate person who marries her? We both belong to the same community and speak the same language. She is intelligent and both of us can adjust quickly if we get married. But no, I may not be good enough for her. She belongs to a well-to-do family and she might think of me only as a good friend. She may not have even thought of marriage. Maybe she likes someone else. Or her parents might want her to get married somewhere else. What if she herself says “no”? Do I have the capacity to bear rejection?’

  For a minute, he was scared. Then he remembered Alex’s words: ‘No Indian girl will make the first move. That has to come from the boy. He has to ask the girl and the worst case is that she will say “no”.’

  ‘How do you know whether a girl will say “yes” or “no”?’

  ‘If the girl wants to say “yes”, she won’t agree immediately. She may say that I’ll let you know or I’ll talk to my father. If you get that answer, you know that she will say “yes”. The girl who wants to say “no” will tie a rakhi on your hand before you can even propose to her. She will publicly declare that you are like her brother. Some bold girl may even slap you. It is rare but you should be ready. Haven’t you heard the famous song Pyaar kiya to darna kya from the movie Mughal-e-Azam? It means that you should love a girl only if you have the courage to do so. Otherwise, you should have an arranged marriage—your parents and you should see the girl together and make the decision in five minutes.’

  Sanjay was hesitant to express his love to Mridula but he did not have a choice. He remembered Mridula’s floral hairband. It was difficult for him to express his love through words. The hairband gave him a reason to write a letter to her. But now, he had an even bigger problem: he did not know how to write a love letter. He had no experience in this area. The twenty-five-year-old Sanjay struggled like a teenager writing his first love letter.

  Dear Mridula,

  You may be surprised to see my letter. I am not a great writer and this is my first letter to any girl. I like you a lot. What you see is what I am. I don’t want to lie to you. I come from a poor family. We have some land but I don’t have any other assets. I don’t have a father. My sister is already married. I am not equal to you in terms of looks or money. You already know about my hand. But I am hard-working and honest. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If you feel the same way about me, then write back. Otherwise, destroy this letter and forget about it.

  Sanjay

  He read the letter again and again but did not know what else to write. So he put her hairband and the letter inside an envelope and sealed it.

  Sanjay picked Mridula up from the women’s hostel and took her to VT station. The group was waiting for her there. Mridula joined them and sat at the train window to say goodbye to Sanjay. The engine whistled and signalled that the train was about to leave. Sanjay gave the envelope to Mridula with hesitation. In a low voice, he said, ‘This is important, Mridula.’

  ‘What’s this?’

  But by then, the train had left the station and Sanjay was left standing on the platform, waving nervously.

  5

  Reflections

  Sanjay came back to his room and wondered whether he had done the right thing. Maybe he should have faced her in person, expressed his feelings and said, ‘Mridula, I love you.’ That may have been far more effective than a letter. But he knew that that would have been much harder for him.

  He wondered, ‘Would she have read my letter by now? What will she think? She can definitely find someone better than me. She is good-looking and an idealist. She has never seen poverty in her life. In fact, she has not seen the competitive world outside Aladahalli. Why should she marry me? After all, I am handicapped. My mother has a small moneylending business. How can I expect Mridula’s family to give their daughter to me?’

  Still, he was hopeful. Bheemanna was talkative but not worldly-wise. Mridula was academically brilliant but not street-smart like his sister, Lakshmi. So they might agree. Sanjay was unable to eat his dinner. He lay down but sleep was a thousand miles away.

  He could see the overpopulated Parel from his bed. He called Sister Indumati at the hospital and told her to call him only if there was an emergency. His mind jumped back to his childhood.

  T. Narasipura, on the banks of River Kaveri, was his home town. He had studied there till his school-leaving examinations. At the time, his father was alive and his sister was unmarried. Their financial condition was bad. His mother, Ratnamma, had not had her moneylending business then. She used to only look after the land. Though she was uneducated, she was smart. She had a lot of knowledge about famines and how to handle them. His father was timid and he consistently worried about what people would say. But his mother was bold enough for both of them.

  His father used to