Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Read online

  'Of course he will!' shrieked Mrs Gloop.

  'I wouldn't allow it!' cried Mr Wonka.

  'And why not?' shrieked Mrs Gloop.

  'Because the taste would be terrible,' said Mr Wonka. 'Just imagine it! Augustus-flavoured chocolate-coated Gloop! No one would buy it.'

  'They most certainly would!' cried Mr Gloop indignantly.

  'I don't want to think about it!' shrieked Mrs Gloop.

  'Nor do I,' said Mr Wonka. 'And I do promise you, madam, that your darling boy is perfectly safe.'

  'If he's perfectly safe, then where is he?' snapped Mrs Gloop. 'Lead me to him this instant!'

  Mr Wonka turned around and clicked his fingers sharply, click, click, click, three times. Immediately, an Oompa-Loompa appeared, as if from nowhere, and stood beside him.

  The Oompa-Loompa bowed and smiled, showing beautiful white teeth. His skin was rosy-white, his long hair was golden-brown, and the top of his head came just above the height of Mr Wonka's knee. He wore the usual deerskin slung over his shoulder.

  'Now listen to me!' said Mr Wonka, looking down at the tiny man. 'I want you to take Mr and Mrs Gloop up to the Fudge Room and help them to find their son, Augustus. He's just gone up the pipe.'

  The Oompa-Loompa took one look at Mrs Gloop and exploded into peals of laughter.

  'Oh, do be quiet!' said Mr Wonka. 'Control yourself! Pull yourself together! Mrs Gloop doesn't think it's at all funny!'

  'You can say that again!' said Mrs Gloop.

  'Go straight to the Fudge Room,' Mr Wonka said to the Oompa-Loompa, 'and when you get there, take a long stick and start poking around inside the big chocolate-mixing barrel. I'm almost certain you'll find him in there. But you'd better look sharp! You'll have to hurry! If you leave him in the chocolate-mixing barrel too long, he's liable to get poured out into the fudge boiler, and that really would be a disaster, wouldn't it? My fudge would become quite uneatable!'

  Mrs Gloop let out a shriek of fury.

  'I'm joking,' said Mr Wonka, giggling madly behind his beard. 'I didn't mean it. Forgive me. I'm so sorry. Good-bye, Mrs Gloop! And Mr Gloop! Good-bye! I'll see you later...'

  As Mr and Mrs Gloop and their tiny escort hurried away, the five Oompa-Loompas on the far side of the river suddenly began hopping and dancing about and beating wildly upon a number of very small drums. 'Augustus Gloop!' they chanted. 'Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!'

  'Grandpa!' cried Charlie. 'Listen to them, Grandpa! What are they doing?'

  'Ssshh!' whispered Grandpa Joe. 'I think they're going to sing us a song!'

  'Augustus Gloop!' chanted the Oompa-Loompas.

  'Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!

  The great big greedy nincompoop!

  How long could we allow this beast

  To gorge and guzzle, feed and feast

  On everything he wanted to?

  Great Scott! It simply wouldn't do!

  However long this pig might live,

  We're positive he'd never give

  Even the smallest bit of fun

  Or happiness to anyone.

  So what we do in cases such

  As this, we use the gentle touch,

  And carefully we take the brat

  And turn him into something that

  Will give great pleasure to us all -

  A doll, for instance, or a ball,

  Or marbles or a rocking horse.

  But this revolting boy, of course,

  Was so unutterably vile,

  So greedy, foul, and infantile,

  He left a most disgusting taste

  Inside our mouths, and so in haste

  We chose a thing that, come what may,

  Would take the nasty taste away.

  "Come on!" we cried. "The time is ripe

  To send him shooting up the pipe!

  He has to go! It has to be!"

  And very soon, he's going to see

  Inside the room to which he's gone

  Some funny things are going on.

  But don't, dear children, be alarmed;

  Augustus Gloop will not be harmed,

  Although, of course, we must admit

  He will be altered quite a bit.

  He'll be quite changed from what he's been,

  When he goes through the fudge machine:

  Slowly, the wheels go round and round,

  The cogs begin to grind and pound;

  A hundred knives go slice, slice, slice;

  We add some sugar, cream, and spice;

  We boil him for a minute more,

  Until we're absolutely sure

  That all the greed and all the gall

  Is boiled away for once and all.

  Then out he comes! And now! By grace!

  A miracle has taken place!

  This boy, who only just before

  Was loathed by men from shore to shore,

  This greedy brute, this louse's ear,

  Is loved by people everywhere!

  For who could hate or bear a grudge

  Against a luscious bit of fudge?'

  'I told you they loved singing!' cried Mr Wonka. 'Aren't they delightful? Aren't they charming? But you mustn't believe a word they said. It's all nonsense, every bit of it!'

  'Are the Oompa-Loompas really joking, Grandpa?' asked Charlie.

  'Of course they're joking,' answered Grandpa Joe. 'They must be joking. At least, I hope they're joking. Don't you?'

  18

  Down the Chocolate River

  'Off we go!' cried Mr Wonka. 'Hurry up, everybody! Follow me to the next room! And please don't worry about Augustus Gloop. He's bound to come out in the wash. They always do. We shall have to make the next part of the journey by boat! Here she comes! Look!'

  A steamy mist was rising up now from the great warm chocolate river, and out of the mist there appeared suddenly a most fantastic pink boat. It was a large open row boat with a tall front and a tall back (like a Viking boat of old), and it was of such a shining sparkling glistening pink colour that the whole thing looked as though it were made of bright, pink glass. There were many oars on either side of it, and as the boat came closer, the watchers on the riverbank could see that the oars were being pulled by masses of Oompa-Loompas - at least ten of them to each oar.

  'This is my private yacht!' cried Mr Wonka, beaming with pleasure. 'I made her by hollowing out an enormous boiled sweet! Isn't she beautiful! See how she comes cutting through the river!'

  The gleaming pink boiled-sweet boat glided up to the riverbank. One hundred Oompa-Loompas rested on their oars and stared up at the visitors. Then suddenly, for some reason best known to themselves, they all burst into shrieks of laughter.

  'What's so funny?' asked Violet Beauregarde.

  'Oh, don't worry about them!' cried Mr Wonka. 'They're always laughing! They think everything's a colossal joke! Jump into the boat, all of you! Come on! Hurry up!'

  As soon as everyone was safely in, the Oompa-Loompas pushed the boat away from the bank and began to row swiftly downriver.

  'Hey, there! Mike Teavee!' shouted Mr Wonka. 'Please do not lick the boat with your tongue! It'll only make it sticky!'

  'Daddy,' said Veruca Salt, 'I want a boat like this! I want you to buy me a big pink boiled-sweet boat exactly like Mr Wonka's! And I want lots of Oompa-Loompas to row me about, and I want a chocolate river and I want... I want...'

  'She wants a good kick in the pants,' whispered Grandpa Joe to Charlie. The old man was sitting in the back of the boat and little Charlie Bucket was right beside him. Charlie was holding tightly on to his grandfather's bony old hand. He was in a whirl of excitement. Everything that he had seen so far - the great chocolate river, the waterfall, the huge sucking pipes, the minty sugar meadows, the Oompa-Loompas, the beautiful pink boat, and most of all, Mr Willy Wonka himself - had been so astonishing that he began to wonder

  whether there could possibly be any more astonishments left. Where were they going now? What were they going to see