The Giraffe and the Pelly and Me Read online

  'Very well, very well,' the Duke muttered. 'Come along with me and let's see if you're any good at cleaning windows.'

  I climbed out of the Pelican's beak and the kindly old Duke took me by the hand as we all walked towards the house. When we got there, the Duke said, 'What happens next?'

  'It is all very simple, Your Grace,' the Giraffe replied. 'I am the ladder, the Pelly is the bucket and the Monkey is the cleaner. Watch us go!'

  With that, the famous window-cleaning gang sprang into action. The Monkey jumped down from the Giraffe's back and turned on the garden tap. The Pelican held his great beak under the tap until it was full of water. Then, with a wonderful springy leap the Monkey leaped up once again on to the Giraffe's back. From there he scrambled, as easily as if he were climbing a tree, up the long long neck of the Giraffe until he stood balancing on the very top of her head. The Pelican remained standing on the ground beside us, looking up at the Giraffe.

  'We'll do the top floor first!' the Giraffe shouted down. 'Bring the water up, please.'

  The Duke called out, 'Don't worry about the two top floors. You can't reach them anyway.'

  'Who says we can't reach them?' the Giraffe called back.

  'I do,' the Duke said firmly, 'and I'm not having any of you risking your silly necks around here.'

  If you wish to be friends with a Giraffe, never say anything bad about its neck. Its neck is its proudest possession.

  'What's wrong with my neck?' snapped the Giraffe.

  'Don't argue with me, you foolish creature!' cried the Duke. 'If you can't reach it, you can't reach it and that's the end of it! Now get on with your work!'

  'Your Grace,' the Giraffe said, giving the Duke a small superior smile, 'there are no windows in the world I cannot reach with this magical neck of mine.'

  The Monkey, who was dancing about most dangerously on top of the Giraffe's head, cried out, 'Show him, Giraffey! Go on and show him what you can do with your magical neck!'

  The next moment, the Giraffe's neck, which heaven knows was long enough already, began to grow longer and LONGER ...

  and LONGER ...

  and LONGER ...

  and HIGHER ...

  and HIGHER ...

  and HIGHER ...

  until at last the Giraffe's head with the Monkey on top of it was level with the windows of the top floor.

  The Giraffe looked down from her great height and said to the Duke, 'How's that?'

  The Duke was speechless. So was I. It was the most magical thing I had ever seen, more magical even than the Pelican's Patented Beak.

  Up above us, the Giraffe was beginning to sing a little song, but she sang so softly I could hardly catch the words. I think it went something like this:

  'My neck can stretch terribly high,

  Much higher than eagles can fly.

  If I ventured to show

  Just how high it would go

  You'd lose sight of my head in the sky!'

  The Pelican, with his huge beak full of water, flew up and perched on one of the top-floor window-sills near the Monkey, and now the great window-cleaning business really began.

  The speed with which the team worked was astonishing. As soon as one window was done, the Giraffe moved the Monkey over to the next one and the Pelican followed.

  When all the fourth-floor windows on that side of the house were finished, the Giraffe simply drew in her magical neck until the Monkey was level with the third-floor windows and off they went again.

  'Amazing!' cried the Duke. 'Astonishing! Remarkable! Incredible! I haven't seen out of any of my windows for forty years! Now I shall be able to sit indoors and enjoy the view!'

  Suddenly I saw all three of the Window-Cleaners stop dead in their tracks. They seemed to freeze against the wall of the house. None of them moved.

  'What's happened to them?' the Duke asked me. 'What's gone wrong?'

  'I don't know,' I answered.

  Then the Giraffe, with the Monkey on her head, tiptoed very gingerly away from the house and came towards us. The Pelican flew with them. The Giraffe came up very close to the Duke and whispered, 'Your Grace, there is a man in one of the bedrooms on the third floor. He is opening all the drawers and taking things out. He's got a pistol!'

  The Duke jumped about a foot in the air. 'Which room?' he snapped. 'Show me at once!'

  'It's the one on the third floor where the window is wide open,' the Giraffe whispered.

  'By Gad!' cried the Duke. 'That's the Duchess's bedroom! He's after her jewels! Call the police! Summon the army! Bring up the cannon! Charge with the Light Brigade!' But even as he spoke the Pelican was flying up into the air. As he flew, he turned himself upside-down and tipped the window-cleaning water out of his beak. Then I saw the top half of that marvellous patented beak sliding out of his head, ready for action.

  'What's that crazy bird up to?' cried the Duke.

  'Wait and see,' shouted the Monkey. 'Hold your breath, old man! Hold your nose! Hold your horses and watch the Pelly go!'

  Like a bullet the Pelican flew in through the open window, and five seconds later out he came again with his great orange beak firmly closed. He landed on the lawn beside the Duke.

  A tremendous banging noise was coming from inside the Pelican's beak. It sounded as though someone was using a sledgehammer against it from the inside.

  'He's got him!' cried the Monkey. 'Pelly's got the burglar in his beak!'

  'Well done, sir!' shouted the Duke, hopping about with excitement. Suddenly he pulled the handle of his walking-stick upwards, and out of the hollow inside of the stick itself he drew a long thin sharp shining sword. 'I'll run him through!' he shouted, flourishing the sword like a fencer. 'Open up, Pelican! Let me get at him! I'll run the bounder through before he knows what's happened to him! I'll spike him like a pat of butter! I'll feed his gizzards to my foxhounds!'

  But the Pelican did not open his beak. He kept it firmly closed and shook his head at the Duke.

  The Giraffe shouted, 'The burglar is armed with a pistol, Your Grace! If Pelly lets him out now he'll shoot us all!'

  'He can be armed with a machine-gun for all I care!' bellowed the Duke, his massive moustaches bristling like brushwood. 'I'll handle the blighter! Open up, sir! Open up!'

  Suddenly there was an ear-splitting BANG and the Pelican leaped twenty feet into the air. So did the Duke.

  'Watch out!' the Duke shouted, taking ten rapid paces backwards. 'He's trying to shoot his way out!' And pointing his sword at the Pelican, he bellowed, 'Keep that beak closed, sir! Don't you dare let him out! He'll murder us all!'

  'Shake him up, Pelly!' cried the Giraffe. 'Rattle his bones! Teach him not to do it again!'

  The Pelican shook his head so fast from side to side that the beak became a blur and the man inside must have felt he was being scrambled like eggs.

  'Well done, Pelly!' cried the Giraffe. 'You're doing a great job! Keep on shaking him so he doesn't fire that pistol again!'

  At this point, a lady with an enormous chest and flaming orange hair came flying out of the house screaming, 'My jewels! Somebody's stolen my jewels! My diamond tiara! My diamond necklace! My diamond bracelets! My diamond earrings! My diamond rings! They've had the lot! My rooms have been ransacked!'

  And then this massive female, who fifty-five years ago had been a world-famous opera-singer, suddenly burst into song.

  'My diamonds are over the ocean,

  My diamonds are over the sea,

  My diamonds were pinched from my bedroom,

  Oh, bring back my diamonds to me.'

  We were so bowled over by the power of the lady's lungs that all of us, excepting the Pelican, who had to keep his beak closed, joined in the chorus.

  'Bring back, bring back,

  Oh, bring back my diamonds to me, to me.

  Bring back, bring back,

  Oh, bring back my diamonds to me!'

  'Calm yourself, Henrietta,' said the Duke. He pointed to the Pelican and said, 'This clever