Matilda Read online

  At this, Miss Honey seemed to rouse herself. She gave a shake of her shoulders and then very carefully she placed her mug on the tray.

  'Why shouldn't you ask?' she said. 'You were bound to ask in the end. You are much too bright not to have wondered. Perhaps I even wanted you to ask. Maybe that is why I invited you here after all. As a matter of fact you are the first visitor to come to the cottage since I moved in two years ago.'

  Matilda said nothing. She could feel the tension growing and growing in the room.

  'You are so much wiser than your years, my dear,' Miss Honey went on, 'that it quite staggers me. Although you look like a child, you are not really a child at all because your mind and your powers of reasoning seem to be fully grown-up. So I suppose we might call you a grown-up child, if you see what I mean.'

  Matilda still did not say anything. She was waiting for what was coming next.

  'Up to now,' Miss Honey went on, 'I have found it impossible to talk to anyone about my problems. I couldn't face the embarrassment, and anyway I lack the courage. Any courage I had was knocked out of me when I was young. But now, all of a sudden I have a sort of desperate wish to tell everything to somebody I know you are only a tiny little girl, but there is some kind of magic in you somewhere. I've seen it with my own eyes.'

  Matilda became very alert. The voice she was hearing was surely crying out for help. It must be. It had to be.

  Then the voice spoke again. 'Have some more tea' it said. 'I think there's still a drop left.'

  Matilda nodded.

  Miss Honey poured tea into both mugs and added milk. Again she cupped her own mug in both hands and sat there sipping.

  There was quite a long silence before she said, 'May I tell you a story?'

  'Of course,' Matilda said.

  'I am twenty-three years old,' Miss Honey said, 'and when I was born my father was a doctor in this village. We had a nice old house, quite large, red-brick. It's tucked away in the woods behind the hills. I don't think you'd know it.'

  Matilda kept silent.

  'I was born there,' Miss Honey said. 'And then came the first tragedy. My mother died when I was two. My father, a busy doctor, had to have someone to run the house and to look after me. So he invited my mother's unmarried sister, my aunt, to come and live with us. She agreed and she came.'

  Matilda was listening intently. 'How old was the aunt when she moved in?' she asked.

  'Not very old,' Miss Honey said. 'I should say about thirty. But I hated her right from the start. I missed my mother terribly. And the aunt was not a kind person. My father didn't know that because he was hardly ever around but when he did put in an appearance, the aunt behaved differently.'

  Miss Honey paused and sipped her tea. 'I can't think why I am telling you all this,' she said, embarrassed.

  'Go on,' Matilda said. 'Please.'

  'Well,' Miss Honey said, 'then came the second tragedy. When I was five, my father died very suddenly One day he was there and the next day he was gone. And so I was left to live alone with my aunt. She became my legal guardian. She had all the powers of a parent over me. And in some way or another, she became the actual owner of the house.'

  'How did your father die?' Matilda asked.

  'It is interesting you should ask that,' Miss Honey said. 'I myself was much too young to question it at the time, but I found out later that there was a good deal of mystery surrounding his death.'

  'Didn't they know how he died?' Matilda asked.

  'Well, not exactly,' Miss Honey said, hesitating. 'You see, no one could believe that he would ever have done it. He was such a very sane and sensible man.'

  'Done what?' Matilda asked.

  'Killed himself.'

  Matilda was stunned.

  'Did he?' she gasped.

  'That's what it looked like,' Miss Honey said. 'But who knows?' She shrugged and turned away and stared out of the tiny window.

  'I know what you're thinking,' Matilda said. 'You're thinking that the aunt killed him and made it look as though he'd done it himself.'

  'I am not thinking anything,' Miss Honey said. 'One must never think things like that without proof.'

  The little room became quiet. Matilda noticed that the hands clasping the mug were trembling slightly 'What happened after that?' she asked. 'What happened when you were left all alone with the aunt? Wasn't she nice to you?'

  'Nice?' Miss Honey said. 'She was a demon. As soon as my father was out of the way she became a holy terror. My life was a nightmare.'

  'What did she do to you?' Matilda asked.

  'I don't want to talk about it,' Miss Honey said. 'It's too horrible. But in the end I became so frightened of her I used to start shaking when she came into the room. You must understand I was never a strong character like you. I was always shy and retiring.'

  'Didn't you have any other relations?' Matilda asked. 'Any uncles or aunts or grannies who would come and see you?'

  'None that I knew about,' Miss Honey said. 'They were all either dead or they'd gone to Australia. And that's still the way it is now, I'm afraid.'

  'So you grew up in that house alone with your aunt,' Matilda said. 'But you must have gone to school.'

  'Of course,' Miss Honey said. 'I went to the same school you're going to now. But I lived at home.' Miss Honey paused and stared down into her empty tea-mug. 'I think what I am trying to explain to you,' she said, 'is that over the years I became so completely cowed and dominated by this monster of an aunt that when she gave me an order, no matter what it was, I obeyed it instantly. That can happen, you know. And by the time I was ten, I had become her slave. I did all the housework. I made her bed. I washed and ironed for her. I did all the cooking. I learnt how to do everything.'

  'But surely you could have complained to somebody?' Matilda said.

  'To whom?' Miss Honey said. 'And anyway, I was far too terrified to complain. I told you, I was her slave.'

  'Did she beat you?'

  'Let's not go into details,' Miss Honey said.

  'How simply awful' Matilda said. 'Did you cry nearly all the time?'

  'Only when I was alone,' Miss Honey said. 'I wasn't allowed to cry in front of her. But I lived in fear.'

  'What happened when you left school?' Matilda asked.

  'I was a bright pupil,' Miss Honey said. 'I could easily have got into university. But there was no question of that.'

  'Why not, Miss Honey?'

  'Because I was needed at home to do the work.'

  'Then how did you become a teacher?' Matilda asked.

  'There is a Teachers' Training College in Reading,' Miss Honey said. 'That's only forty minutes' bus-ride away from here. I was allowed to go there on condition I came straight home again every afternoon to do the washing and ironing and to clean the house and cook the supper.'

  'How old were you then?' Matilda asked.

  'When I went into Teachers' Training I was eighteen,' Miss Honey said.

  'You could have just packed up and walked away,' Matilda said.

  'Not until I got a job,' Miss Honey said. 'And don't forget, I was by then dominated by my aunt to such an extent that I wouldn't have dared. You can't imagine what it's like to be completely controlled like that by a very strong personality. It turns you to jelly. So that's it. That's the sad story of my life. Now I've talked enough.'

  'Please don't stop,' Matilda said. 'You haven't finished yet. How did you manage to get away from her in the end and come and live in this funny little house?'

  'Ah, that was something,' Miss Honey said. 'I was proud of that.'

  'Tell me,' Matilda said.

  'Well,' Miss Honey said, 'when I got my teacher's job, the aunt told me I owed her a lot of money. I asked her why. She said, "Because I've been feeding you for all these years and buying your shoes and your clothes!" She told me it added up to thousands and I had to pay her back by giving her my salary for the next ten years. "I'll give you one pound a week pocket-money," she said. "But that's all you're going