The Saint: A Highland Guard Novel Read online

  But it wasn’t just camaraderie, it had always been more than that. And stirring up memories best forgotten was dangerous. He’d touched her, damn it. In a way he’d never forget. He’d die with the memory of that silky, wet flesh, the tightness, how her hips had moved against him, and hearing the little breathing sounds she’d made as he stroked her.

  Christ, he got hard just thinking about it.

  “It reminds me of when I used to sneak away to meet you,” she said, refusing to be put off.

  This time he didn’t turn around. He feared if he saw that look of expectation and hope in her eyes again, he’d do something foolish. Like pull her into his arms and kiss her in a way he’d never dared to do all those years ago.

  After a few moments of silence, he knew something was wrong. She was too quiet.

  He turned his head and stopped dead in his tracks. His heart thudded to a skittering halt, his pulse leaping right out of his chest.

  His eyes scanned the area behind him, but he already knew: Helen was gone.

  Eighteen

  Helen didn’t want the day to end. Her long siege was toppling the wall Magnus had erected between them, and he was close to surrender.

  The memories were drawing them back together. So when they passed the stack of boulders, and she saw the small opening, she entered it. Her hiding and him finding her was a game they used to play. It had started after she’d boasted that she’d always been able to hide from her brother, and Magnus told her she would never be able to hide from him. She’d set out to prove him wrong, only he’d proved to have an uncanny ability to ferret her out—the blighter!

  To her surprise, the boulders she’d noticed were actually the entrance to a small cave. The darkness and dank smell gave her second thoughts, but she sniffed and, not detecting any musky scents that might harken a beast who wouldn’t like being disturbed, cautiously stepped inside. Magnus’s shout a few moments later propelled her forward another few steps.

  She blinked rapidly, trying to get her eyes to adjust, but the darkness in front of her was impenetrable—a black hole of nothingness. The cave must be deep. She shivered, deciding to go no farther. Magnus finding her was the best part of the game anyway.

  The cave didn’t just swallow the light, it also swallowed sound. Magnus’s shouts were growing fainter. Her heart pounded. Or maybe he’d started to look in the other direction?

  Suddenly, she had an uneasy feeling about this. His warnings about the mountains came back to her. And belatedly, she remembered her promise not to go anywhere alone. Perhaps this hadn’t been the most well-thought-through idea …

  Crack.

  Her pulse shot through her throat at the soft sound from near the entrance. “M-Magnus?”

  Why wasn’t he calling her name?

  If he was trying to scare her it was working. Quelling the urge to retreat into the cave, she took a few tentative steps forward. “This isn’t funny.” She shouted a little louder, “Magnus!”

  Her heart stopped. Fear washed over her in an icy rush. Someone was there. Right by the entrance. She could feel the heaviness in the air. “Ma …” Her voice strangled in her throat.

  But then the air shifted and the sensation was gone. It must have been her imagination.

  “Helen!”

  Relief crashed over her; Magnus was close.

  “I’m here!” she shouted, slipping out from behind the rocks.

  He was about ten feet away, but the moment he saw her, he seemed to close the distance between them in one stride. He took her by the shoulders, gave her one long look as if checking to make sure she was in one piece, and then hugged her so tightly against his chest she could barely breathe. “Thank God,” he murmured against her head.

  Pressed up so snugly against the hard wall of his chest, she could feel the frantic pounding of his heart begin to slow. He was usually so calm and steady, it took her a moment to realize what it was. She nuzzled her cheek against the soft, fuzzy wool of the plaid he wore around his shoulders, letting the warmth of his body ease the chill from her bones.

  Just as suddenly as he’d taken her in his arms, however, he held her away from him, grasping her by the shoulders. “Damn it, Helen, what the hell were you thinking?”

  The fierceness of his expression took her aback. She blinked up at him uncertainly. “I saw the gap behind the rocks and thought it would be fun to have you try to find me, like we used—”

  He shook her—actually shook her. And if eyes could flash, his were a veritable lightning storm. “Damn it, this is not a game. I warned you it could be dangerous.”

  Perhaps it hadn’t been her best idea, but neither did she think it warranted this kind of reaction. Conveniently forgetting how scared she’d been, she bristled defensively. “I don’t see the danger in hiding a few feet away from the road—” She stopped when his face started to darken. Something about this wasn’t right. His reaction was too extreme. Helen wasn’t the most perceptive person, but even she could see he was hiding something. “What’s the matter? What are you not telling me? I’ve never seen you so jittery.”

  His mouth clamped shut, and he released her.

  But she didn’t want him to let her go. She stepped toward him and put her hand on his chest. She could see the tension along the hard line of his jaw, darkened by two days of very attractive stubble. The shadow of his beard only enhanced the rugged masculinity.

  She knew him so well, sometimes she forgot how handsome he was. But the boyish good looks of his youth had aged seamlessly into the rough and rugged handsomeness of manhood.

  Awareness sharpened the air between them. But he stood perfectly still—unrelenting. She loved him so much, and wanted him so badly. Why did he have to be so stubborn?

  “We used to do this all the time and you never seemed to mind.”

  His jaw tightened. “It’s not the same, Helen. It can never be the same. Stop pretending that it can.”

  His cool rejection stung. She’d thought …

  She’d thought the past few weeks had meant something. She’d thought he’d begun to forgive her. But he was the one still living in the past.

  She pushed away from him, having reached her breaking point. For weeks she’d been trying to prove her love, prove that she’d changed, but he wasn’t going to let her.

  “I’m not the one who is stubbornly holding to the past. Do you intend to punish me forever for the mistakes I made in my youth? I’m sorry for what happened. I’m sorry I didn’t take the five minutes you gave me to decide the rest of my life, cut myself off from my family forever, abandon my home, and run away with you by accepting your offer of marriage. But I’m tired of taking the blame for everything. It wasn’t all my fault. Had you given me a chance to think …” She looked up into his shocked face accusingly. “Had you given me any indication that you felt something for me beyond fondness, five minutes might have been enough.”

  “What are you talking about? You knew how I felt.”

  “Did I? How could I when you never said anything? You never told me you loved me. Was I to guess your feelings?”

  He looked utterly thunderstruck. “How could you not have known? I kissed you.”

  She made a sharp sound. “You touched your lips to mine and then pulled back so quickly I feared I had the plague.”

  Her sarcasm pricked his temper. He stiffened. “I was showing you honor and respect.”

  “I didn’t want honor and respect, I wanted passion. I was a young girl dreaming of romance, not a convent. I wanted to think you loved me. But when you didn’t come for me, didn’t give me another chance, I feared I was wrong. I waited for you, Magnus. Every night I looked out my window, peering into the shadows, and wondered if you were there. For months I made up excuses to walk in the forest.” Her heart squeezed, and tears burned behind her eyes. “But you never came. Your pride was stronger than any feelings you had for me.”

  Magnus was reeling from her accusations. God, was it possible she hadn’t known how he felt