Darkness Read online

  Kat’s lips parted but she said nothing.

  “No one forced her to be there. She was paid a lot of money to gain my trust. I was the one who told her we had a weakness for females and children. That’s why they sent us into that camp. The information she gained from me put us there so they could see how far we could be pushed to discover our limits. I got my brothers killed because I trusted the wrong person. I have to live with that.”

  “Darkness.” Tears shone in her eyes.

  He shook his head. “Don’t. I don’t want your pity. I’m telling you this because I swore to never allow another female to get close to me. I refused to mount any females they brought to my cell after I was taken back to Mercile. I’d think of my brothers and couldn’t even get hard. My weakness for sex with the female got them killed. Mercile believed I was emotionally damaged so they stopped bringing females to me for breeding experiments. I’ve turned down every female who offered to share sex since we were freed. Don’t ever accuse me of not wanting you, Kat. You’re the first temptation I couldn’t refuse.”

  Her hands slid down his arms, caressing him. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I am damaged. You’re leaving Homeland today but go knowing that truth. I didn’t touch you as a way to gain your trust or use what we’ve shared as a tool to deceive you. I did it because I couldn’t fight the attraction I feel. I took control of the camera feeds because I didn’t want anyone else watching you. You fascinate me.”

  “You just expect me to leave after that?” She shook her head. “No way.”

  He clenched his teeth. “Darwin Havings believed the female was a loose end. You know what those are. No one associated with that mess wanted her walking free to tell anyone about what had gone on in that camp. Never let it be said that cruel humans don’t have a twisted sense of justice. They thought it was fitting to let me be the one to kill her after giving her the impression that she’d been brought to me so she could watch me die. She took real pleasure in telling me how stupid I’d been to ever trust her and how disappointing it had been that she hadn’t gotten to watch my brothers die as well. She said she should get an award for acting since fucking me had been revolting. You should have seen her face when the guards left her there alone with me. I killed her, Kat.”

  “I probably would have done the same in your place.”

  He saw no censure in her eyes and she didn’t withdraw her touch. “I appreciate that but we both know it was wrong. I should have let the guards kill her. They were getting paid to follow orders. I did it for revenge.”

  “It was a difficult situation after what she’d just said to you. You reacted in the heat of the moment, caused by the pain you suffered from the senseless murders of your brothers. I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”

  “It’s who I am. It’s what keeps me going and I can’t change. I gave you all I had to give, Kat. This has to end. I can’t get attached to you.”

  “I wouldn’t mind.”

  “I would.” He looked miserable. “I was jealous today. I wanted to rip out Jinx’s throat. It wasn’t a good feeling and I never want to experience it again. I like being numb. I never want to hurt again. You could do that to me if I don’t stop it now. It’s a risk I just can’t take. I warned you that I’m damaged. That wasn’t a lie either.”

  She surprised him by wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face against his shoulder. “Thank you for that, Darkness.”

  He relaxed, lowering some of his weight, and closed his eyes. He wished the moment could last but he only allowed it briefly. He climbed off her.

  “You shouldn’t return home in a towel. I’ll get some clothes.”

  “I don’t have to leave. I still have classes to teach but I would insist on the cameras being removed from my cottage.”

  He refused to look at her. “I know you’re FBI, Kat. So does the NSO. You shared information you shouldn’t have with me so this is me returning the trust. I’d be in trouble if they knew I told you that. They wanted to figure out why you came by allowing you to keep up the charade. This thing between us ends today. Don’t stay for me because I won’t see you again after you leave this house. Go home before you do something that could get you in trouble with the NSO. I don’t want to see you hurt. I’ll be right back.”

  He bent, picked up her wet towel and walked down the hallway. He hung it in the bathroom before retrieving a shirt and shorts from his dresser. When he returned to the living room Kat wasn’t there. She’d left. He cursed. He didn’t place the call to Security. He’d leave it up to Kat if she wanted to stay or go but he’d keep his word. He’d avoid her. It was for the best.

  Chapter Twelve

  Kat exited the gates, ignoring the jerks calling out to her from the sidelines. Her mood was foul enough that she was grateful not to have her sidearm. She might have been tempted to shoot a protestor in the mouth. The cab waited across the street. She just dumped her suitcase on the backseat and climbed in after it. She rambled off the name of the car rental company. The driver nodded and pulled away from the curb.

  The NSO had known all along. That fact shouldn’t have surprised her. Darkness had dropped enough hints. A lot of unanswered questions remained. Did they know her real name? Did Mason know her cover had been blown? If so, he’d be in a rage. She put on her seatbelt and closed her eyes.

  It was procedure to file a report. Mason would chew her ass up one side and down the other when she faced him. She just didn’t want to deal with it. The short ride ended and she paid the driver. It only took a few minutes for her to retrieve her car from the parking lot where she’d left it.

  She’d always followed rules. It was something she believed in. Life was messy but her job made sense of some of the chaos. She’d joined the agency to make a difference. To help put evil shits away and make the world a safer place. She felt as if Mason had placed her in the bad-guy category. The NSO had been victimized enough.

  Darkness haunted her as she drove. Her guts felt as if they’d been ripped out. She believed what he’d told her. No sympathy rose for the bitch he’d killed. He might feel torn about it but it was cut-and-dried to her. That the woman had gotten close to him, yet hurt him that way, angered her. It just cemented her belief that purely evil people existed in the world—one less, thanks to Darkness. She grieved the loss of his brothers too, hurt for him.

  “Damn.” She sighed, gripping the wheel tightly. “I’m all fucked up.”

  Nothing made sense anymore. She just wanted to go home and lick her wounds. She took in her surroundings, realizing she drove aimlessly. It only took her a few minutes to establish where she was and get on the freeway. That’s exactly where she’d go. Home.

  It might be hours or days before Mason figured out she wasn’t at Homeland anymore. She hadn’t seen any of the three agents she’d recognized when she left though he might have other surveillance on the gates. She glanced in her rearview mirror, hunting for a tail. Her car could be tagged with a tracker too. She debated whether she should ditch it and get another rental but dismissed the idea. If Mason wanted her found, he’d do it. She didn’t have enough cash to stay in a motel. Her identification and credit cards could be flagged.

  She pulled off the road to grab some food at a drive-thru. It didn’t help her upset stomach. The cause of that was knowing she’d never see Darkness again. He’d gotten under her skin in a big way. She’d always smirked when hearing one of her friends say that they’d fallen fast and hard for some man. That had never been her experience.

  She’d loved before but her pride had always come first. It was a consequence of her childhood. The first step of acceptance was understanding the problem. Her parents had divorced when she had been eight, each marrying much younger spouses for their second marriages. Her mother had ended up with a serial cheater whom she’d made excuses for. It had disgusted Kat. Her father’s wife had him by the balls too. She’d sworn that no one would ever make a fool of her and she’d walked away from any man who did