Haunting Blackie Read online

  Blackie lost it. To feel her climax around his shaft was too powerful to battle. The ability to think was lost and all that existed were white-hot flashes of ecstasy jolting through his body as he shook on his feet, only vaguely aware of locking his knees to keep them both from crashing to the floor of their quarters. He felt raw, every nerve exposed and oddly at peace.

  “I love you,” she panted.

  “I love you too.” He meant every word and knew the definition of that strong emotion. She made him complete, was his other half that had been missing since he’d become aware, realized his existence. She filled that empty space he’d always had inside.

  All the things he’d done for the council flashed through his mind and he had a new awareness of his actions, saw them as crimes he’d committed. The men who’d bonded with humans had been perceived as threats to cyborgs’ continuation to thrive. He’d listened to Parlis, believed the dire warnings and had acted in accordance. The almost worship he’d practiced when it came to the cyborg once known as Freedom suddenly sickened him.

  “Are you all right?” Eve nuzzled his throat, brushing soft kisses across his skin.

  He debated giving her an answer that would shield her from his inner turmoil but she was his mate. “No.”

  “Did you strain a muscle?” She pulled back enough to hold his gaze.

  “I feel shame. It’s not pleasant.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with what we just did. Nothing. I loved it. It’s called a quickie and I hope we have more of them often.”

  She amused him and he couldn’t avoid smiling. “That’s not the source of my shame. I enjoyed that.”

  “Talk to me.” Her voice soothed him as her tone lowered, concern clear in the way she looked at him. “What’s wrong?”

  “You are more important to me than anything. I understand the importance of love. I have that for you.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “This is a cyborg thing, right? It’s okay to feel this way. I’m so glad you do. I was terrified those implants had damaged you to the point that you’d never be able to feel strong emotions. It’s totally natural to love someone. Maybe they taught you it was wrong but it’s not.”

  “Why do you cry?”

  “I’m happy.”

  She confused him. “Tears indicate pain or distress.”

  “You really love me. It’s a woman thing to get all choked up when the man she loves says it.” She shrugged. “I’m really happy. It’s kind of complicated but trust me, I’m overjoyed.”

  “I do trust you.” He inhaled, hating to admit the truth to her. “I don’t ever want lies between us but you might feel dishonored by my actions when I confess things I’ve done wrong.”

  Her eyes closed and her face lowered to press against the curve of his chest. “Oh god. You knew they were going to leave us behind on Earth, didn’t you?”

  “No!”

  Her arms wrapped around him in a tighter hug. Tears slipped down her cheeks. “I love you. It hurts really bad but I understand. We just had a few minutes together. You thought I was an Earther. I’ll forgive you though.”

  Seeing her anguish caused physical pain inside his chest. He pressed her tightly to the wall, lifted a hand to gently grip her chin and forced her to look at him “I didn’t know. I swear, Eve. I’m trying to confess to the things I did long after we left Earth.”

  Some of her grief seemed to ease but she tensed in his arms. “I don’t want to hear about the women you’ve touched. This is one of those things we don’t need to share every detail about. It would hurt.”

  He winced inwardly, compassion a new emotion. He wouldn’t enjoy hearing details of her having intercourse with other men. It also opened a line of thought he hadn’t traveled yet. He’d want to track down and kill any male who’d touched Eve. She was his. It did horrible things to his stomach. He was thankful that she had not been with other men.

  “I followed council orders when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t know they were wrong at the time but I understand now why some cyborgs hate me. They are justified.” He continued when she said nothing. “I almost killed a human who had bonded with a fellow cyborg. I didn’t comprehend how he could trust her. I’ve taken the council’s side every time there was dissension in the ranks. I believed Parlis always had the future of our race as a priority. I now see my error. Ice loves Megan. He wasn’t betraying his own kind to choose her above all else.”

  She reached up to gently stroke his cheek. There was no censure in her gaze. “Did you kill her?”

  “No. She lives.”

  “You didn’t understand what love was.”

  “No. I believed she fooled him into believing she wasn’t a threat to our race.”

  “You feel guilty now?”

  “I do.”

  “It’s normal.”

  “I feel bad.” He wasn’t sure how else to explain it. “I want to fix it but I doubt that is possible.”

  “Is he on this shuttle?”

  “No. Fleet is in command of this trip. Everyone is given downtime on Garden and we change out crews to prevent them from spending too much time in space.”

  “Contact the man if you’re able and apologize. It’s all you can do.”

  “There’s more.”

  “All right.”

  “I terrorized another woman who belonged to Steel. I believed she was a threat and would have done anything to make her talk. I—”

  She stopped stroking his skin and one finger pressed against his lips.

  “Shush. This is all new to you, isn’t it? Is she alive? Did you hurt her?”

  He turned his head slightly to move her finger. “She’s alive and well. I frightened her but no serious damage was done.”

  “That’s good. Apologize to them too. It will help you feel better.”

  He sincerely doubted that. More of his actions over the decades haunted him. He’d been completely beholden to the cyborgs who’d freed him from misery. It was his way of thanking them by giving the council his full loyalty and commitment to their orders. Some of their commands hadn’t been easy to implement but he’d done everything they’d asked. It had made him very unpopular with certain cyborgs. All their resentment seemed appropriate now.

  “Blackie?”

  He held Eve’s gaze.

  “Everyone screws up. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and try to become a better person. We live a long time. That just means we’re bound to have more regrets than most. Give yourself a break.”

  Cyborgs weren’t created to make errors. He didn’t share his thoughts but took her wisdom into account. He debated what emotion he felt, not sure if it was fear or worry.

  “You can try to fix things, Blackie.”

  Her words drew his attention and he carefully chose his response. “I believe it’s possible that some of the enemies I’ve made could use this opportunity to gain retribution for the things I’ve done in the past.”

  “You mean they might use me to hurt you back?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m not easy to kill.” Her chin rose in defiance. “They could try. I haven’t survived this long by being some cream puff.”

  Her verbal communication skills bemused him but he understood the meaning behind the words. “They could make it difficult for us once we reach Garden. They may argue that you’re more cyborg than human. You were created in a laboratory the way we were.”

  “You’re worried they might separate us?” She shook her head. “Let them try. You’re my mate and I don’t want another husband.” She shivered in his arms, her revulsion clear. “I dare them to order me to allow someone besides you to touch me.” Her hand raised, claws sliding from her fingertips. “I’d castrate anyone who tried.”

  He believed she would and amusement struck. “You’re incredibly arousing when you threaten to mutilate other cyborgs.”

  She smiled at him. “Do you want to know the great thing about quickies? They can turn into more. We could just call what we did a w