Leaving Home: Short Pieces Read online

  So although I am thinking it, you won't hear me tell you: Do what you love. Have you ever heard a five-year-old say that when he grows up, he wants to be an advertising executive? I didn't think so. A crazy thing happens at university - kids who once wanted to be astronauts and ballerinas and firemen somehow morph into bankers and public relations specialists and sales managers. Practicality - such as paying the bills for the first time in your life - is a heavy-duty abrasive that wears the sharp edges of a dream to fit into the round hole of reality. Remember me - with my one-in-a-million career path - the writer I hoped to be, instead of the teacher I assumed I'd be. Don't listen to people who ask you what on earth one does with a degree in Egyptology. If it's what you fall asleep thinking about, and wake up excited about, it's what you should pursue. The rest (including a paycheck) will somehow sort itself out.

  You won't hear me tell you: See the world through your own eyes. When you were ten, you stood up in class and blurted out, I love math! It was an outburst of sheer enthusiasm, followed by a chorus of snickers from the rest of the class. I remember cringing, because I knew how much you'd be teased. But you know what? You did love math. You still do. And you knew even at that age that your voice had just as much right to be heard as anyone else's. That's still true - whether you are talking about religion, politics, or sexual orientation. You're smarter than I ever was. You're self-motivated. You have the persuasive ability to talk a polar bear into moving to the Bahamas. Sure, it's easier to be a lemming, to agree with what the majority says and does. But it's more meaningful to be the dissenting vote, because - who knows? - you just might make someone else think twice.

  And, a codicil: This planet is smaller than you think. I don't just mean that environmentally - an arena where you've taught me, instead of the other way around. I mean that there will be plenty of people who do not think the way you do - whether that's in a class at college, in the workplace, in your country. Don't judge someone just because their opinions are different - lest they do the same to you. Instead, ask them if they want to grab a cup of coffee. Start a conversation. Listen. Open their minds - and your own. Focus on what's good, instead of carping about what's lousy. Is your waitress particularly attentive? Tell her how much you appreciate it. Write a letter to the editor of the local paper, praising someone who's done a great job. For some reason, discontent spreads virally, and edges out kindness. Make some room for it.

  Expect to cry. Real life isn't fair. People get promoted who don't deserve it. Politicians get elected when they're not the wisest choice. You finally get the courage to ask someone out - and you get rejected. Baseball players make millions and teachers can barely pay their mortgages. Here's a bona fide fact: You're not going to get straight A's in college; you're going to have professors who play favorites. So be it. One of the best lessons you'll ever learn is how to pick yourself up again, and in order to do that, you have to stumble.

  Fall in love. Once, you and I had a conversation about whether or not love was a miracle. You said no - that there are natural phenomena that can't always be explained by science. I said yes - that in a world of six billion people, finding someone who gets you is pretty miraculous. I hope I get to prove you wrong. I hope you find a partner who makes you a better version of yourself, simply by association. I hope you find a person who loves you not because you're perfect, but in spite of the fact that you're not.

  There are so many other things I won't say to you: Be history, instead of just watching it happen from the sidelines. Try something new, even if it scares you to death. Learn because you love to learn, not because you're being tested. Don't whine - there is always someone who's having a worse day than you are. Be honest with yourself, and you'll never have anything to hide. But all of these things you will discover, in due course.

  Growing up isn't about age, and it isn't about experience. It's a very real threshold, much like the one we're standing on now at your dorm room, between two schools of thought. One minute, it's all about you - and the next, it's all about the people that surround you. As soon as their well-being is more important to you than your own, you have crossed that threshold; you can call yourself an adult.

  I have always loved you, but I can very distinctly remember the moment I realized how much I liked you as well - not just as my child, but also as a fellow human; as someone I would pick as a friend, even if you had not been placed strategically in my life's path. I was on a book tour in Rome and I had brought you along. After an hour of walking in circles, due to my geographical incompetence, you ripped the little map out of my hands. You, you said firmly, are not allowed to use this anymore. And just like that, you became the grownup, and I followed you like a child to our destination.

  It was not the first time we had been on an unknown road together. Eighteen years ago, you were the one who showed me how to be a mother - a baptism by fire. You loved me, even during the times I wasn't sure I was doing it right or well, simply because I was yours. During that hurricane in 1991, when I held you for the very first time, I could never have imagined that this is where we would both end up.

  Now, as you bend down to embrace me, as you say goodbye, I think of all the things I've taken for granted: The ability to hug you whenever I feel like it. The pitch of your voice. The mess on the floor of your room. A standing invitation in front of the television, to watch a new episode of Project Runway. Your incredible photographic memory. The seat height in your car, which I always have to readjust. Your sarcasm. The beauty of you doing a one-and-a-half off the diving board. The way you roll your eyes, but ultimately share your chocolate with me.

  So, here is my brave smile, the one that will crumble as soon as I am safely in the car, where you can no longer see me.

  Work hard! Have fun!

  And maybe there is one last thing I will say: Eighteen years ago, when I saw you for the first time, I was wrong. The story you'll tell the world, Kyle, is not the one about how you arrived...but instead the one about where you are headed.

  I can't wait to hear every word.

  Ritz

  The note is inside the refrigerator, propped against a carton of orange juice. I'm taking a break, my mother has written. Don't worry about me.

  "What's she taking a break from?" I ask out loud.

  "Sanity," my brother Devon answers. "People don't leave notes in refrigerators."

  Devon, who is eighteen and apparently knows everything, is looking at this the wrong way, in my opinion. Granted, I'm three years younger than he is, but I think Mom has shown a peculiar genius in leaving the note between the leftovers from yesterday's lasagna and the bottle of canola oil: she knew that a message on the kitchen counter could easily be overlooked; but no matter what direction we were pulled in after school; no matter how much French verb conjugation I had to slog through or how many hours Devon spent making a racket with his garage band -- eventually, we will give into our growling hunger and find something to eat.

  "Maybe we should call Dad," I suggest.

  Pretty much, a bomb would have to detonate inside our living room to warrant a phone call to my father during business hours. He works on Wall Street, trading futures.

  He leaves at 4:30 AM to beat the traffic going into the city from White Plains, and he gets home after seven. The irony doesn't escape me: he is so busy tracking what might happen that he's hardly around to enjoy the here and now.

  Devon shrugs. "She probably went out to...do whatever she does. You know."

  But the truth is, I have no idea what my mother does with her spare time. I mean, I guess maybe she likes to jog every now and then, or hit a good sale at a mall. I think sometimes she goes out and has lunch with one of her friends. But mostly, my vision of her is firmly planted in our house, like a vine too twined to be transplanted. Just like I used to believe that my kindergarten teacher slept underneath her desk, it is hard to picture my mother existing outside the boundaries of my home, of my life.

  "She'll be back in time to make dinner," Devon says,