Accidentally on Purpose Read online

  wanted and it’s been a selfish lifestyle, not leaving much room for a relationship.”

  “Convenient.”

  “Yes,” he agreed. “It has been. When I left the force, I did so with the knowledge that I’d be walking the line between right and legal. I also knew I’d be cutting myself off from a family who wouldn’t understand what I was doing, or why. I did it knowing I’d be alone because I couldn’t ask anyone else to get on board with it all, and I was good with that.”

  She stared at him. “But . . . ? Because I sense a big one.”

  “But,” he said, “although I would’ve sworn that everything in my life was just as I wanted it . . . something’s been missing.”

  She hadn’t blinked. Hell, he wasn’t sure she was breathing. “I’m not ready for this conversation. I’m still mad at you. If you want to discuss that, I’m totally game.”

  “Let’s do it,” he said.

  “You’ve been meddling in my life this whole time, keeping tabs on me like I was your responsibility.”

  “The college thing doesn’t count,” he said.

  She stilled and the room temperature dropped twenty degrees. “What?” she asked very quietly.

  Oh shit. “What?” he repeated, taking a step back, both mentally and physically. “You know what? It’s late. You’re tired. So am I. We’ll just circle back to this another time—”

  She picked up a pillow from the couch and chucked it at his head with deadly accuracy.

  His own fault. He’d been teaching her all year how to play darts in the pub and she was a quick learner.

  “You got me my job and into college?” she asked in an outside voice.

  Note to self: never speak first. “I wrote a letter of recommendation,” he said. “That’s all. I knew someone on the admission committee.”

  She stared at him for a full minute and then backed to the couch and sat. She blindly reached out for another pillow and he stepped toward her, intending to grab it and ward off another attack but she pressed it to her stomach and huddled into herself a little.

  Blowing out a breath, he sank next to her. “You weren’t given any breaks growing up. I hated that for you. Everything I did, I only wanted to help.”

  “Helping would have been calling me and asking if I wanted the assist,” she said. “Instead you’ve been acting like a puppet master, directing my life. I hate that, Archer.”

  He took the pillow from her and put his hands on her arms, turning her to face him. “I’m not a puppet master. I didn’t direct you in any way. I just . . .” He shook his head. “Gave you a helping hand when you needed one.”

  “But it wasn’t help I wanted from you. I wanted—”

  “What?” he asked when she broke off. “You wanted what from me?” Say it . . .

  But she only shook her head.

  He sighed. “Look, you didn’t need my help. But you had no one else. I just wanted to make sure you were safe. And protected.”

  “Because that’s what you do, right?” she asked. “You keep people safe and protected.”

  “Well, yeah,” he said, not sure they were having the same conversation.

  She shook her head. “See, that makes me a job to you. And that’s the one thing I never wanted to be, Archer.”

  He stepped into her path, pulling her in until they were toe-to-toe. “I need you to listen to me,” he said. “Can you do that?”

  “Depends on the level of bullshit you’re going to try and feed me.”

  A rough laugh escaped him and he dropped his forehead to hers, taking it as a very good sign when she didn’t try to knee him in the ’nads or gouge his eyes out. “No bullshit,” he said quietly, willing her to really hear him. Risking his life, he stepped even closer because the only thing he had going for him was their sheer physical chemistry. And yeah, he was enough of a dick to use that if he had to. Anything to make sure she heard what he had to say. He waited until she met his gaze, and even then he nearly drowned in the blue depths.

  “That night,” he told her, “there was just something about you. You came onto my radar and”—he shook his head—“you stayed there. I was worried about you staying safe.” And alive . . . “I don’t have a lot of nesting instincts, Elle, but you brought out the ones I had. I wanted to put you in a hot shower, wrap you up in a blanket, and feed you.” His smile was wry. “And then I wanted to make you sleep and watch over you while you did.”

  “You did all that,” she reminded him. “You took me to the urgent care and then brought me home with you like I was a half-drowned puppy. You fed me and put me to bed. Alone,” she added. “Even though I asked if you expected to be paid with sex.” She shook her head. “You laughed. I was serious and you laughed at me.”

  “Elle, you were bleeding, drenched from the rain, and wearing only shorts and a tank top and no shoes. Trust me, I wasn’t laughing. I was pissed off at the life you’d been forced to lead. You’d seen shit you should never have seen. You’d done shit you never should have had to do. I wanted to kick someone’s ass for that. Still do.”

  She stared at him and maybe it was his imagination but she looked a little less mad. “In the morning you fed me again,” she said. “Scrambled eggs, sausage, and toast.”

  “The only thing I knew how to cook,” he said with a small smile, remembering every minute of that night, how he’d watched over her through the long hours, unable to understand his need to make sure she was safe given that his entire world had imploded.

  “After breakfast . . .” She closed her eyes, clearly embarrassed by the memory. “I tried to kiss you and got turned down again.” She shook her head. “You gave me a sweatshirt. There was money in the pocket.”

  “I didn’t want you out there with nothing.”

  “I thought it was a test at first,” she admitted. “But it wasn’t.”

  “No,” he said, remembering how she’d tried to give him back the money.

  “You told me to follow my instincts and not let anyone distract me from them,” she said. “You told me that there was right and there was wrong and that there was also a gray area, and that was okay as long as I stayed as close to the right as I could get. And then I left and I never saw you again.”

  He nudged the mug of tea to her mouth and watched her sip.

  She took her time, taking a few more long swallows before she set the mug aside. “But you were around. Watching over me,” she said. “Weren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Tell me why I didn’t realize that. Why you didn’t just let me know you were there at my back, watching my every move.”

  “I wasn’t watching your every move,” he said. “I never did that.”

  “Are you suggesting you’ve never invaded my privacy?”

  That question wasn’t nearly so easy to answer honestly. Neither was the question she was really getting at—why hadn’t he wanted her?

  She looked at him for a long moment. “Okay, let’s see if I’ve got all of this straight. You didn’t want to be with me, not even as friends, and yet you kept tabs on me, even going as far as to direct me into school and a job—”

  “The school of your choice,” he pointed out. “And a job you love.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “You didn’t want to be with me,” she repeated. “So instead you basically stalked me—”

  “Not stalked,” he said. “Kept safe and protected.”

  “But I didn’t need that from you. I needed—” She broke off and turned away. “Look,” she said, clearly striving for patience. “I get that you’ve been there for me, more than anyone else . . . ever. But the way you went about it . . .”

  “You were underage.”

  She turned back. “What?”

  Fuck it. “You were sixteen, Elle. I was twenty-two. We couldn’t. I couldn’t.” He drew a deep breath. “And then after you left, you worked hard and got your life together. Seeing me would’ve been a reminder of shit you didn’t want to remember. So I stayed away.”