Out of This World Read online

  “Hang on.” He was working the buttons, oblivious. I could see his fingers, and the cuts on them from putting his fist through two doors now, and I took his hand.

  He glanced at me, eyes blind in the dark. “What?”

  “Just making sure you’re okay.” I ran a finger over his palm.

  “It’s you I’m worried about.”

  “I can take care of myself,” I said softly. “Always have.”

  “I know. But that doesn’t make it easier.”

  “You’re not alone in worrying, you know. I do it, too.”

  His gaze searched mine in the dark. “Do you?”

  I could barely speak past the ball of emotion. “So much, Kel.”

  His eyes never wavered. “I’m never sure what you think, when it comes to me. And you and me.”

  “I guess that’s fair,” I managed to say with a little smile. “Since I’ve pretty much been confused about that since we got here. You’re, um, not my usual type.”

  “Yeah, you’ve dated some real winners.”

  I opened my mouth, but at the look on his face, and the knowledge deep down inside that he was right, I shut it again. “So I’ve had some wild oats to sow.”

  “A few.”

  “As my friend, you’re supposed to give me unsolicited opinions. It’s an unspoken pact of our relationship. You could have tried to talk me out of a few of them.”

  “Rach, has anyone ever successfully talked you out of anything?”

  “Okay, I’m a little stubborn.”

  “A little?”

  “Kel.” I shook my head. “Sometimes…I’m not sure what it is you want from me.”

  His smile faded, his eyes letting the heat shine through, just plain, primitive, raw emotion that told me exactly what he did want: me. On a platter.

  The man made my knees wobble without saying a word. “Kel—”

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t want to go there again.”

  “But…” I put words to my biggest fear. “If we don’t get out of here—”

  “We’re going to get out. Trust me, you’re going to live to torture me another day.”

  I’d always been aware of him having a crush on me, but he’d never put it to words, and I certainly never had. I think the truth was, I’d always felt terrified that if he did say anything, it’d mean the end of our relationship, which had always meant everything to me. Everything.

  And now I could lose him anyway. “You want—”

  “Nothing. I want nothing from you.”

  “No, don’t do that. I want to be honest; I need you to be honest. You don’t want to have a causal thing with me, and my first instinct is to run, because I haven’t done anything deep when it comes to men. The deepest I’ve ever done is—”

  “Cade.”

  A fellow painter I’d dated for three months before finding him in bed with his roommate. For me, it’d been a passionate affair, and I’d mistaken lust for love. Hindsight was always twenty-twenty. “No.”

  “Devlin, then.”

  The Harley-driving bartender. I’d met him after I’d painted a mural in his bar. We’d burned hot and cold for a few months, before his intensity had scared me away. Well, that, and his habit of drinking himself into a coma at night. “No.”

  “Then—”

  “You,” I said, and drew a deep breath at that admission. “You, Kel.”

  His startlingly blue eyes didn’t waver. “But we never mixed friendship with anything more.”

  “But our friendship…it’s the deepest, most important relationship with a man I’ve ever had,” I admitted. “It’s why I’m afraid to screw it up by adding…”

  “More.” He shoved his fingers through his hair, and turned in a slow, frustrated circle. “So you can’t give anything else, and I can’t take less. Hell of a place to be.”

  Oh God. I was losing him. “Good things don’t last, Kel—”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Oh really?” I put my hands on my hips, not that he could see me. “What was the last relationship you had that lasted?”

  “My relationships have all been good ones.”

  “But none lasted,” I persisted.

  He stared at me. “You’re saying what then? That you can sleep with a guy but not get to know him, or you can get to know him but not sleep with him?”

  Well, when he put it like that, I sounded as crazy as my great-great-aunt Gertrude. “It’s made for some pretty limiting relationships,” I allowed.

  “This weekend is a bit of a departure for you then. Sleeping with a good friend.”

  “You knew it was.”

  “So when I told you this was a bad idea…”

  “I know.” I covered my face. “I’m sorry, but…”

  “But what? You were just carried away? By my…what did you call it? Animal magnetism?”

  He sounded frustrated and hurt, because that was the part of himself that he’d gained here, with the swap. Or so he thought. I was beginning to see he’d had it all along, though I had no way of proving that to him. “Kel—”

  “No, it’s all right. I get it.” He went back to the Blackberry, jabbing at it a little harder than necessary.

  “It has nothing to do with you,” I insisted. “It’s me, and my inability—”

  “More BS.” He looked up, his eyes dark and full of temper. “You have the ability to do anything you want. Look, let’s talk about something that’s helpful, like how to access some info—Well. Look at that…”

  “What?”

  “Did Gert ever e-mail you?”

  “No, I doubt she even knew how.”

  “Oh, she knew how.” He showed me the screen, which revealed e-mail files for Gert, Marilee and Axel. He opened Axel’s.

  I stared at it for a moment as the ramifications fell into place. “But Axel said he didn’t know how to use a computer.”

  “Read,” Kel suggested, and I turned the screen more fully toward me so I could.

  To: Marilee

  From: Axel

  Subject: Trouble

  Gert was right. Her niece e-mailed me from the Web site, and has called several times. She’s coming.

  To: Axel

  From: Marilee

  Subject: Trouble

  Be ready. And remember your part.

  Kel pulled up the reply.

  To: Marilee

  From: Axel

  Subject: Trouble

  I know my part. Be the stoner. It’ll be fun, delving into my past.

  A smiley-face emoticon came after this, animated and bouncing up and down.

  To: Axel

  From: Marilee

  Subject: Trouble

  It wasn’t so in your past.

  To: Marilee

  From: Axel

  Subject: Trouble

  Fair enough. Don’t worry, I won’t regress.

  To: Axel

  From: Marilee

  Subject: Trouble

  Let’s just do this. Show the place off, and then get her to go back to L.A. Then things can continue status quo. I like status quo, Axel.

  To: Marilee

  From: Axel

  Subject: Trouble

  Status quo, and all that it implies, works for me.

  To: Axel

  From: Marilee

  Subject: Trouble

  Implies?

  To: Marilee

  From: Axel

  Subject: Trouble

  You know, the you-wanting-me thing.

  To: Axel

  From: Marilee

  Subject: Trouble

  Oh, delusional one. I do not want you.

  To: Marilee

  From: Axel

  Subject: Trouble

  You’re such a beautiful liar.

  To: Axel

  From: Marilee

  Subject: Trouble

  Stop e-mailing me.

  And he must have, because there were no more e-mail messages in the file. Kel clicked on Gert’s file.