AFTERSHOCK Read online

"Mind if I ask why?"

  "It's obvious neither of us were meant for marriage."

  "I don't believe that," he said softly. "And I don't believe you believe it. Don't chicken out here, Amber. Don't hide, not from me. Tell me the truth. I deserve that much."

  "You know the truth. I'm not marriage material, and you … you like women too much to give it all up just because we have a baby."

  "First of all, I stopped looking at other women the moment you came into my life."

  "Which time?"

  "Both," he told her grimly.

  "I understand getting married is a logical solution to the unexpected unit we've become." She hugged herself. "We have a baby. We both love her with all our hearts. We're willing to share her, but the truth is, neither of us really want to be separated from her. Getting married would solve that."

  "Yes," he agreed, sliding closer. "It would also solve another, deeper problem."

  "Which is?"

  "I want you."

  "You—" She closed her eyes. "You just had me recently. A few times as a matter of fact."

  The memory, as well as her tone, made him smile. "I want more than sex," he clarified. Because the admission was a new one for him, and scary, his humor vanished. "I've never said this before about anyone else, but sex with you isn't enough. I want to spend nights together. I want to be together. I know we started out in a whirlwind, that we've done everything backward, but let's fix it."

  "Marriage won't do that, Dax."

  "Why are you so resistant?"

  "Because … because, dammit, it's not enough for me!" She blushed and closed her eyes. "I'm sorry. I know this sounds stupid, but to me a marriage should be about … about love. I've never thought of myself in those terms, but deep in my heart, if I'm going to do it, that's what I want."

  "Love."

  "That's right."

  "Well that's convenient, since I happen to be madly in love with you."

  "What?" She flew to her feet and stared at him as if she'd just discovered he was an alien. "What did you just say?"

  He stood, too, and when she would have turned away, he took her shoulders in his hands. She trembled. That made two of them. "I think you heard me just fine."

  "I've … I've never heard those words before." Her voice was a mere whisper. She licked her lips. "I'd like to hear them again."

  His heart threatened to burst out of his chest. "I love you."

  "You can't."

  "Why not? You're perfectly lovable."

  Her mouth was open, her eyes wild. Her hand went to her chest. "Oh God. Now I can't breathe."

  "Good. Neither can I." He resisted the urge to laugh because he wasn't kidding. He really couldn't breathe. "I've never said those words to a woman before, Amber."

  They stared at each other.

  "You're mistaken," she decided tremulously. "You have to be."

  "No."

  "You have no idea. I don't let people in, I'm not—"

  "Amber." It was so easy, so right to touch her, he thought, as his thumb gently stroked her jaw. His fingers slipped into her hair. "I've loved you from that very first day."

  "But I don't know how to love you back."

  "You could practice."

  Moisture gathered in her beautiful eyes and she shook her head back and forth.

  "Practice with me, Amber," he whispered, his heart raw.

  Her eyes were huge. "I'm not ready. I need time."

  "How much?"

  "I don't know!"

  Because she was still shaking, he gathered her stiff body close. "I'm sorry," she whispered against his chest, but her hands snaked around his neck and for a moment, she clung.

  He stroked her back and tamped down any regrets. "Don't worry. It so happens, time is in plentiful supply."

  And strange as it seemed, given she'd turned him down yet again, Dax felt an inkling of hope for their future.

  * * *

  Chapter 12

  « ^ »

  That night, Dax lay in his bed staring at the ceiling wondering how long it would take for sleep to claim him when the phone rang.

  Given how his heart picked up speed, he knew who it would be. "Hello?"

  "Did you mean it?"

  Amber. Unsure and unhappy. "I meant every one of those three little words," he assured her grimly.

  "Another promise?"

  "Another promise."

  There was a long silence, and he knew she was very busy thinking.

  "Have I broken one to you yet, Amber?"

  "No," she said slowly, but she sounded slightly reassured. "I have to go."

  His heart twisted, a feeling he was beginning to associate with her. "Good night, Amber," he whispered.

  * * *

  Dax found Amber at what he now knew to be her favorite lunch spot. He grinned at her bowl of strawberry yogurt. "Are you going to let me watch you eat that?"

  She stopped licking her spoon and eyed him over the bowl with an interesting mix of pleasure and wariness. The wariness he expected because it had been four days since he'd sought her out.

  The pleasure was a nice surprise.

  "No," she finally said.

  Ignoring that, because whether she wanted to admit it or not, she was crazy about him, he swiveled a chair around and straddled it. Leaning forward, he took in her cool, sedate, navy blue suit. "I don't suppose I can convince you to spill again so that you could lose the uptight clothes."

  Surprising him, she laughed. "Actually, I thought of you this morning when I put this on."

  "Yeah?" For some reason, that gave him ridiculous pleasure. So did the thought of her standing, fresh out of a shower, naked, thinking of him.

  Her voice was low. "I thought of it as my armor."

  "Against?"

  She played with the yogurt now. "Sometimes you give me a certain look and it makes me feel … funny."

  He gave her one of those looks now and the air sizzled between them.

  "That's the one," she said a bit shakily, pointing at him with her spoon. "That's it right there."

  "Do you feel funny now?"

  "A little, yeah."

  "Me, too." He heard the rough arousal in his voice and couldn't stop himself. "And it has nothing to do with the clothes you wear." He leaned close. "You could put on real armor and it wouldn't matter one damn bit."

  Her eyes closed briefly, and he knew he didn't mistake that quick flash of helpless desire on her face before she carefully masked it and rose. "I have work."

  He touched her arm, stilled her. "You can believe in me, Amber. Believe in yourself enough to see it."

  "I'm trying, Dax. Whatever you think of me, I want you to know that."

  He rose, too, and skimmed his fingers over her cheek. "I know you've had no one to trust with yourself before, but I promise you, I'm different." And then, because they were in the crowded café, and because neither of them were quite steady, he stepped back. "Think about it."

  * * *

  Amber wanted to do nothing but think about it. As she entered her office, her mind whirled. She moved toward her desk and the mountain of work waiting for her.

  Halfway there, the earth rumbled beneath her feet. For a second she allowed herself to believe it was her overly active imagination.

  It wasn't. The earthquake was short and quick, and absolutely terrifying.

  There had been many this year, and she remembered each and every one of them because they'd brought on a heart-stopping panic she couldn't control. A normal reaction for someone who'd been through what she had, she assured herself, gripping her desk, prepared to dive under it if necessary.

  "It's okay," she said out loud as she waited, tense and frozen. "Just an aftershock." She knew they could occur for years after a main quake. The knowledge didn't help. Many people in the area had been terrorized by the aftershocks, not just her. It was normal.

  Normal.

  She told herself all of this, repeatedly, but she still forgot to breathe and her chest hurt.