Agnes and the Hitman Read online

  Shane read the screen over his shoulder:

  df: Yeah?

  (six-second pause)

  df: How the fuck do I know?

  (eight-second pause)

  df: No shit.

  (four-second pause)

  df: Hell yeah, I still want the job done.

  (four-second pause)

  df: Fuck you. We agreed on a price.

  (seven-second pause)

  df: All right. All right. Fuck it. We got a contract. You make sure you do your part. The rest can come on the back end. My consigliere only got the cash we agreed on with him for the front end.

  (three-second pause)

  df: Yeah, that’s the target. How’d you know?

  (eight-second pause)

  df: No shit? But you do nothing until I get there. I wanna be there. I wanna see it. I’m giving you an extra hundred large for that. Which you get when it happens, but not before the wedding. Got to be after. Got to show some respect.

  (eight-second pause)

  df: Today? Fuck. Yeah, he’s in Keyes. My consigliere. And he’s got the down payment in cash. But-

  (nine-second pause)

  df: The what fucking bridge? Talmud?

  (two-second pause)

  df: Okay, Talmadge. Two p.m. local. Breakdown lane, southbound, center of span.

  (five-second pause)

  df: Yeah, yeah. The money’s packed like you said.

  (two-second pause)

  df: You better be fucking worth it.

  End of conversation.

  Shane was already checking his watch. The payoff was taking place in an hour. “Where’s the Talmadge?”

  “Did you cross a large suspension bridge coming out of Savannah heading into South Carolina when you came up here?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s it.”

  “How far away?”

  Carpenter got out of his seat and slid open the door leading to the driver’s compartment. “I’ll make it in fifty minutes unless we get caught in traffic.”

  “That’s cutting it close.”

  “Perhaps we should have been monitoring instead of in that tunnel.” Carpenter got in the driver’s seat and started the van.

  “That’s not helpful now.” Shane opened up the weapons locker.

  “What about Agnes?” Carpenter said, but he was already heading down the drive.

  Shit. “Maybe she won’t kill him.”

  “What if she does?”

  “What’s one more body among friends?” Shane said.

  Agnes had come in from consoling Cerise with shrimp and called the florist, powering through some rabbit of an employee on sheer leftover rage from the flamingo-napper who’d taken Cerise from the loving wings of her flock. “Hello?” Maisie said.

  “This is Agnes Crandall,” Agnes snarled. “You can’t cancel the Keyeses’ wedding flowers if you ever expect to sell flowers in Keyes again. Are you insane?”

  “Oh,” Maisie said, her baby-doll voice even higher than usual. “Oh, I’m so sorry, but I can’t, I just can’t, they’ll kill me.”

  “Who?” Agnes said. “And don’t you dare hang up on me or I’ll kill you. And don’t think I won’t, Maisie.”

  “The Fortunatos,” Maisie whispered into the phone.

  “Why would the Fortunatos kill you for doing the flowers for one of their weddings? They’re a lot more likely to kill you for canceling on them.”

  “You don’t know them,” Maisie said.

  “Yeah, I do. A hell of a lot better than you do, evidently.”

  “Not better than Brenda,” Maisie said.

  “Maisie, Brenda is trying to stop the wedding. She doesn’t care that she’s putting you in harm’s way. The Don is coming for this wedding, he’s giving Maria away. Don Fortunato. The Silicon Don. That’s much tougher than Teflon. If he gets here and there are no flowers, you think he’s going to be happy?” Agnes dredged up memories of any mob movies she’d seen. “He’s going to ask who disrespected his grandniece. And you know what everybody is going to tell him?”

  “What?” Maisie said, her voice a little moan. “Maisie Shuttle.”

  “Oh, dear.”

  “Get those daisies out here by Saturday morning and you won’t be sleeping with the fishes, Maisie. He’ll never know the hell you put us through. But if you don’t, I will tell him everything. I’ll tell him where you live, Maisie. I’ll tell him about the Scottie dog on your mailbox, so help me God, I will.”

  “Oh, no, all right, all right.” The words were almost inaudible.

  “Do not fail me, Maisie,” Agnes said, putting steel in her voice. “Or the first thing the Don will put a bullet hole through will be the Scottie on your mailbox and the second thing will be you.”

  “No, no, no.”

  “The flowers, Maisie, the daisies will be out here Saturday morning, won’t they?”

  “Yes, Agnes.”

  “Thank you, Maisie. You won’t be sorry. And the Keyeses will be very, very grateful. Oh, and Maisie? Put in some little flamingo pink touches, will you? Little touches.”

  Agnes hung up, trying to feel guilty for having beat up on a helpless Southern florist, but basically, Maisie should never have canceled on a wedding; any good florist should have known better. She looked for her To Do List to mark Maisie off so she could go take a shower and put on something that had less of a history of sex and violence attached to it-Imay never wear this dress again-only to hear cars rumbling over the bridge just as the phone rang again. She waited until the rumbling stopped without an ensuing crash of timber and then picked up the phone.

  “Agnes Crandall,’’ she said. “Our bridge doesn’t collapse.”

  “Pardon,” the man on the other end said nervously.

  “Humor,” Agnes said. “Har. What can I do for you?”

  “This is Wesley Hedges, your photographer for the wedding this weekend.” His voice was so tight, it broke on weekend.

  “Don’t even think about canceling, Wesley,” Agnes said, her voice level.

  “I’m not,” he said. “I wouldn’t. But I can’t make it.”

  “Let’s review,” Agnes said, her temper rising.

  “But I’m sending my assistant,” Wesley said quickly. “She’s as good as I am. Some people say better. But they’re all men. She’s very attractive. I’m actually better, but…” Wesley sounded calmer now that he was being bitchy.

  “Wesley, if you’re trying to make me happy about your assistant coming-”

  “No, she’s really good,” Wesley said, nervous again. “I mean, she’s new, but I’ve seen her portfolio. I wouldn’t send anybody bad. I have my pride. Even if they put a gun to my head, I would protect the sanctity of Wesley’s Wonderful Wedding Memories.”

  Agnes was distracted by the alliteration. “Shouldn’t that be ‘Wesley’s Wonderful Wedding Wemories’?”

  “I don’t feel bad at all for canceling on you,” Wesley said. “Kristy will be out tomorrow to talk to you and get a feel for the place.”

  “Thank you, but-,” Agnes said, but Wesley had already hung up.

  “Photographer cancel, too?” Taylor said from behind her, and when she turned, he was standing in the kitchen doorway, smiling like he owned the place, instead of just half of it. He was wearing a suit jacket and an ascot, and he looked ridiculous, but she shouldn’t really criticize since the ascot was probably to cover up the fork holes.

  “You look ridiculous,” she said. The dumbass had lied to her and left her all alone out here. And he’d never fed her shrimp, either.

  Beside him was a tubby little man who looked around with the air of an inquisitive basset hound, alert but patient.

  Rhett ambled in from the from hall to collapse in front of the counter. He didn’t seem too perturbed with either of them.

  “This is Mr. Harrison,” Taylor said, still smiling. “Mr. Harrison is our health inspector in Keyes. I told him you had some health violations out here, and he’s concerned about you ser