Twelve Red Herrings Read online

  “Sounds a bit like ward duty to me,” said Anna. “So who turned out to have the biggest crisis today?”

  “Today, thank heaven, was not typical,” I said with feeling.

  “That bad?” said Jonathan.

  “Yes, I’m afraid so. We lost a chef this morning who cut off the top of his finger and won’t be back at work for at least two weeks. My headwaiter in our second restaurant is off, claiming he has the flu, and I’ve just had to sack the barman in the third for fiddling with the books. Barmen always fiddle with the books, of course, but in this case even the customers began to notice what he was up to.” I paused. “But I still wouldn’t want to be in any other …”

  A shrill ring interrupted me. I couldn’t tell where the sound was coming from until Jonathan removed a tiny cellular phone from his jacket pocket.

  “Sorry about this,” he said. “Hazard of the job.” He pressed a button and put the phone to his ear. He listened for a few seconds, and a frown appeared on his face. “Yes, I suppose so. I’ll be there as quickly as I can.” He flicked the phone closed and put it back into his pocket.

  “Sorry,” he repeated. “One of my patients has chosen this particular moment to have a relapse. I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave you.” He stood up and turned to his sister. “How will you get home, Pipsqueak?”

  “I’m a big girl now,” said Anna, “so I’ll just look around for one of those black objects on four wheels with a sign on the top that reads T-A-X-I, and then I’ll wave at it.”

  “Don’t worry, Jonathan,” I said. “I’ll drive her home.”

  “That’s very kind of you,” said Jonathan, “because if it’s still pouring by the time you leave, she may not be able to find one of those black objects to wave at.”

  “In any case, it’s the least I can do, after I ended up getting your ticket, your dinner and your sister.”

  “Fair exchange,” said Jonathan as Mario came rushing up.

  “Is everything all right, sir?” he asked.

  “No, it isn’t. I’m on call, and have to go.” He handed over an American Express card. “If you’d be kind enough to put this through your machine, I’ll sign for it and you can fill in the amount later. And please add fifteen percent.”

  “Thank you, sir,” said Mario, and rushed away.

  “Hope to see you again,” said Jonathan. I rose to shake him by the hand.

  “I hope so too,” I said.

  Jonathan left us, headed for the bar and signed a slip of paper. Mario handed him back his American Express card.

  As Anna waved to her brother, I looked toward the bar and shook my head slightly. Mario tore up the little slip of paper and dropped the pieces into a wastepaper basket.

  “It hasn’t been a wonderful day for Jonathan, either,” said Anna, turning back to face me. “And what with your problems, I’m amazed you were able to take the evening off.”

  “I shouldn’t have, really, and wouldn’t have, except …” I trailed off as I leaned over and topped up Anna’s glass.

  “Except what?” she asked.

  “Do you want to hear the truth?” I asked as I poured the remains of the wine into my own glass.

  “I’ll try that for starters,” she said.

  I placed the empty bottle on the side of the table, and hesitated, but only for a moment. “I was driving to one of my restaurants earlier this evening when I spotted you going into the theater. I stared at you for so long that I nearly crashed into the back of the car in front of me. Then I swerved across the road into the nearest parking space, and the car behind almost crashed into me. I leapt out, ran all the way to the theater, and searched everywhere until I saw you standing in the line for the box office. I joined the line and watched you hand over your spare ticket. Once you were safely out of sight, I told the box office manager that you hadn’t expected me to make it in time and that you might have put my ticket up for resale. After I’d described you, which I was able to do in great detail, he handed it over without so much as a murmur.”

  Anna put down her glass of wine and stared across at me with a look of incredulity. “I’m glad he fell for your story,” she said. “But should I?”

  “Yes, you should. Because then I put two ten-pound notes into a theater envelope and took the place next to you,” I continued. “The rest you already know.” I waited to see how she would react. She didn’t speak for some time.

  “I’m flattered,” she said eventually. “I didn’t realize there were any old-fashioned romantics left in the world.” She lowered her head slightly. “Am I allowed to ask what you have planned for the rest of the evening?”

  “Nothing has been planned so far,” I admitted. “Which is why it’s all been so refreshing.”

  “You make me sound like an After Eight mint,” said Anna with a laugh.

  “I can think of at least three replies to that,” I told her as Mario reappeared, looking a little disappointed at the sight of the half-empty plates.

  “Is everything all right, sir?” he asked, sounding anxious.

  “Couldn’t have been better,” said Anna, who hadn’t stopped looking at me.

  “Would you like a coffee, madam?” Mario asked her.

  “No, thank you,” said Anna firmly. “We have to go in search of a marooned car.”

  “Heaven knows if it will still be there after all this time,” I said as she rose from her place.

  I took Anna’s hand, led her toward the entrance, back up the stairs and out onto the street. Then I began to retrace my steps to the spot where I’d abandoned my car. As we strolled up the Aldwych and chatted away, I felt as if I was with an old friend.

  “You don’t have to give me a lift, Michael,” Anna was saying. “It’s probably miles out of your way, and in any case it’s stopped raining, so I’ll just hail a taxi.”

  “I want to give you a lift,” I told her. “That way I’ll have your company for a little longer.” She smiled as we reached a distressingly large space where I had left the car.

  “Damn,” I said. I quickly checked up and down the road, and returned to find Anna laughing.

  “Is this another of your schemes to have more of my company?” she teased. She opened her bag and took out a cellular phone, dialed 999, and passed it over to me.

  “Which service do you require? Fire, Police or Ambulance?” a voice asked.

  “Police,” I said, and was immediately put through to another voice.

  “Charing Cross Police Station. What is the nature of your inquiry?”

  “I think my car has been stolen.”

  “Can you tell me the make, color and registration number please, sir.”

  “It’s a blue Rover 600, registration K857 SHV.”

  There was a long pause, during which I could hear other voices talking in the background.

  “No, it hasn’t been stolen, sir,” said the officer who had been dealing with me when he came back on the line. “The vehicle was illegally parked on a double yellow line. It’s been removed and taken to the Vauxhall Bridge Pound.”

  “Can I pick it up now?” I asked.

  “Certainly, sir. How will you be getting there?”

  “I’ll take a taxi.”

  “Then just ask the driver for the Vauxhall Bridge Pound. Once you get there, you’ll need some form of identification and a check for one hundred and five pounds with a banker’s card—that is if you don’t have the full amount in cash.”

  “One hundred and five pounds?” I said quietly.

  “That’s correct, sir.”

  Anna frowned for the first time that evening.

  “Worth every penny.”

  “I beg your pardon, sir?”

  “Nothing, officer. Goodnight.”

  I handed the phone back to Anna and said, “The next thing I’m going to do is find you a taxi.”

  “You certainly are not, Michael, because I’m staying with you. In any case, you promised my brother you’d take me home.”

  I took