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  However, one good thing came out of it. The Listeners, who have been requesting a room for counselling for some time, were allocated one this morning.

  DAY 374

  SATURDAY 27 JULY 2002

  7.00 am

  They have turned off the central heating today, which is all you need to know about the way North Sea Camp is run.

  10.00 am

  My first day out of jail for a year.

  Mary picks me up and, as the press are waiting at the gatehouse, we avoid Boston. We end up in a field of cows, eating a picnic. Heaven, even if the press do get the inevitable picture.32

  Over a lunch of turkey and ham salad, followed by Cheddar cheese helped down with a Diet Coke, Mary and I discuss her new responsibilities as chairman of Addenbrooke’s Hospital.

  After a drive around the countryside, Mary takes me back to NSC just after five, as she is flying to Japan tomorrow, to address a conference.

  On your first town visit, you’re not allowed beyond the environs of Boston (ten miles) and must return to the camp by 7 pm. Next week, assuming I’ve broken none of the rules, strayed beyond the ten-mile limit, had a drink or committed a crime (shoplifting the most common), I will be allowed to travel an ‘as the crow flies’ distance of fifty-five miles, which takes in Cambridge and Grantchester.

  On returning to the hospital, I decide to pick up a phonecard and call Mary to thank her for all she’s doing. I go to the drawer by my bed to discover that my phonecards are missing. It’s a few minutes before I can accept that a fellow inmate has broken into the hospital and stolen all my phonecards (eight, worth £16). Don’t forget that I earn £11.70 a week. But when I check the window opposite my bed, I notice that it’s not on its usual notch. So now I know how the thief got in.

  I’ll have to borrow a couple of cards from David, two from Stephen and two from Tony if I’m going to survive the coming week.

  DAY 377

  TUESDAY 30 JULY 2002

  8.00 am

  This morning, four of the Highpoint prisoners were put in a van and shipped out to Lincoln (B-cat) accompanied by six officers and a driver. Just before leaving NSC, one of the prisoners attacked an officer. The governor has made it clear that he will no longer accept prisoners from that establishment.

  9.00 am

  Five HM Prisons Inspectors arrive unannounced at the front gate. Mr Beaumont (the governing governor) is on holiday in Wales, but rushes back to the camp, along with several other staff.

  During the next three days I come across all five inspectors, and am impressed by how quickly they identify the good, the bad and the simply indifferent. They single out the kitchen and the hospital – both run by women – for high praise.

  However, the governor wasn’t around to hear their final report, as he had gone back to Wales.

  DAY 382

  SUNDAY 4 AUGUST 2002

  As I have completed my first town visit without incident, I am now entitled to travel to Cambridge (within a fifty-five-mile radius of NSC). (See below.) Mary is in Japan attending a conference, and Will is working at the Kennedy Center, in Washington DC, so I spend the day with James.

  As we drive into Grantchester, I yearn to see the Old Vicarage. I spend the first hour strolling around the slightly overgrown garden – our gardener has been on holiday for a couple of weeks – admiring the flowers, the lake full of koi carp, and the sculptures that adorn the lawn.

  James prepares lunch, and after reading the Sunday papers I settle down to slivers of melon with Parma ham, followed by spaghetti bolognaise (my choice) and a Diet Coke. We would normally have a glass of red wine, but not for another year. After a cheese board – I am only interested in the Cheddar – we once again stroll round the garden on a cloudless day, before returning to the house to watch the Commonwealth Games. What a triumph for Manchester.

  I leave at 5 o’clock, as I have to report back before 7 pm, when I will be breathalysed and searched. Any sign that I had taken even a mouthful of wine and I would forfeit my job as the hospital orderly, and would not be considered for a CSV job in the future. I would also have to return to a double cell on the north block and be put to work on the farm. Can anyone be that stupid?

  Two prisoners were shown to be over the limit on returning this evening. They both lost all their privileges.

  DAY 384

  TUESDAY 6 AUGUST 2002

  All prisoners who have passed their FLED are eligible to work in the outside community as long as they are within twelve months of their parole date (mine is 19 July 2003). A prisoner can then work outside the camp between the hours of 7 am and 7 pm for five days a week, and even have a sixth day of training. Once accepted for the resettlement programme, a prisoner moves into one of the residential blocks located near the gate (single rooms) and is allowed to wear his own clothes at all times. You can also drive your own car to work and have a mobile phone (which cannot be taken out of the car).

  The purpose of the resettlement programme is to help prisoners help themselves by earning a living wage (£150-£250 a week). If you are financially independent, these rules do not apply. However, you are still able to work for a voluntary or charitable organization and the prison will pay you £12.50 per week (current salary as a hospital orderly, £11.60 per week).

  Governor Berlyn (head of resettlement) has already turned down my application to work for Dr Walling at the Parkside clinic as a trainee nurse. He gives two reasons for his decision: some of the camp staff are patients at the clinic, and Dr Walling, as head of the practice, is technically a member of staff, and therefore not permitted to employ me. However, Mr Berlyn has received a letter from a Mr Moreno at the Theatre Royal Lincoln, who has offered me a job assisting with the theatre’s community programme. Mr Berlyn will accompany me to Lincoln next Tuesday for an interviewed. The Theatre Royal Lincoln falls into the category of a charitable organization as it is subsidized by the Lincolnshire County Council.

  DAY 386

  THURSDAY 8 AUGUST 2002

  8.00 am

  Some wit has pinned up on the notice board outside the stores, ‘If it fits, hand it back.’

  It seems that over twenty pads (cells) have been broken into during the past two weeks, and more than two hundred phonecards have been stolen. The old lags tell me that it has to be a crack-head if he was desperate enough to break into the hospital. By the end of the week, the thief has broken into the chapel and the canteen (shop).

  Some inmates are claiming they know the culprit.

  6.00 pm

  A prisoner who recently arrived from Highpoint says he’s going to beat me up before he’s released. This threat was made during my morning rounds in front of a group of his mates. He must be around thirty and is in for GBH.

  I confess to feeling frightened for the first time in months.

  DAY 387

  FRIDAY 9 AUGUST 2002

  8.00 am

  This morning the same prisoner turns up at the hospital. I try to look calm. He apologizes for what he said yesterday, claiming that it was a joke and I obviously misunderstood him. ‘I would never do anything to harm you Jeff.’ I suspect he’s worried that his threat may reach the ears of an officer, which would result in his being shipped out to a B-cat. Bullying is considered to be a worse crime than taking drugs. I nod, and he quickly leaves the hospital.

  6.00 pm

  David (post-office robbery) tells me that the prisoner from Highpoint who threatened me had a visit from Jim (robbery, antiques only), Mo (terrorist) and Big A1 (GBH) in the middle of the night. They explained what would happen to him if Jeff came to any harm, or words to that effect.

  I’m touched that three inmates whom I do not know that well feel strongly enough to watch my back.

  I gave Big A1 out LBW in last week’s cricket match, and he hasn’t stopped grumbling since.

  DAY 391

  TUESDAY 13 AUGUST 2002

  Mr Berlyn drives me over to Lincoln for an interview with Chris Moreno and Chris Colby, the owner and dir