This Was a Man Read online

  Paulo took her in his arms, and Jessica discovered another of his skills, undressing a woman while he was kissing her.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he said, after her top and skirt had been deftly removed. She would have replied, but he’d already fallen to his knees and was kissing her again, this time on her thighs, not her lips. They fell back onto the bed, and when she opened her eyes, he was already naked. How had he managed that, she wondered. She lay back, and waited for what Claire had told her would happen next. When Paulo entered her, Jessica wanted to cry out, not from pleasure, but pain. A few moments later he withdrew, slumped back on his side of the bed, and mumbled, “You were fantastic,” which made her wonder if anything else he’d whispered to her that evening could be believed.

  She waited for him to put his arms around her and tell her some more lies, but instead he turned his back on her, and within moments he was fast asleep. Jessica waited until she heard steady breathing, before she slipped out from under the sheet, tiptoed across to the bathroom, and didn’t turn the light on until she’d closed the door. She took some time tidying herself up, noticing she was still wearing her black stockings. Claire would no doubt explain the significance of that when she got home. She returned to the bedroom, wondering if he was actually wide awake and just hoping she would go home. She picked up her discarded clothes and got dressed quickly, crept out of the bedroom, and closed the door quietly behind her.

  Jessica didn’t even stop to admire the paintings, as she couldn’t wait to get out of the apartment, fearing that Paulo might wake up and expect her to repeat the whole dreadful experience. She tiptoed along the corridor and took the lift to the ground floor.

  “Would you like a taxi, miss?” asked the doorman politely. He was clearly not surprised to see a scantily dressed young woman appearing in the lobby at three in the morning.

  “No, thank you,” said Jessica, giving the Ferrari one last look before she took off her high heels and set out on the long walk back to her little flat.

  26

  NO ONE WAS more surprised than Jessica when Paulo asked her out on a second date. She had assumed he would have already moved on, but then she remembered the girl who claimed to have slept with him half a dozen times before he dumped her.

  She told Claire that she liked being driven around in a Ferrari, dining at Annabel’s, and sampling the finest premier cru champagnes, and even admitted to her friend that she rather enjoyed Paulo’s company, and was grateful to him for solving her “virgo intacta” problem, even if she hadn’t been overwhelmed by the experience.

  “It gets better,” Claire assured her, “and let’s face it, not all of us are wined and dined by a Brazilian god before we lose our virginity. I’m sure you remember my experience behind the school pavilion with Brian, the second eleven wicketkeeper?” she added. “It might have been more enjoyable if he hadn’t left his pads on.”

  The only thing that changed on the second date was the nightclub. Annabel’s was replaced by Tramp, and Jessica felt far more relaxed mixing with a younger crowd. She and Paulo went back to his flat around two in the morning, and this time she didn’t leave the moment he fell asleep.

  She was woken in the morning to find Paulo gently kissing her breast, and he continued to hold her in his arms long after they’d made love. When she saw the clock on the bedside table, she shouted, “Help!,” jumped out of bed, and took a hot shower. Paulo clearly didn’t believe in breakfast, so she gave him a kiss and left him in bed. During her still-life class, Jessica found she wasn’t able to concentrate, her mind continually returning to Paulo. Was she falling in love?

  Professor Howard frowned when he took a closer look at her drawing of a bowl of oranges, and even checked to make sure it was Jessica sitting there. Although her drawing was still superior to those of her fellow students, her tutor continued to frown.

  During the week, Jessica visited three other nightclubs, where each time, Paulo was welcomed as a regular. Over the next few weeks she began to develop a craving for his favorite brand of cigarettes, which didn’t seem to come from a packet, and to enjoy the brandy Alexanders that always appeared moments after they’d drained their second bottle of wine.

  As the months went by, Jessica started to turn up later and later at the Slade, occasionally missing classes and lectures, and then whole days. She didn’t notice herself drifting out of her old world and becoming a part of Paulo’s.

  * * *

  When the first letter came towards the end of term, it should have been a wake-up call, but Paulo convinced her to ignore it.

  “I had three of those in my first term,” he said. “After a while they just stop sending them.”

  Jessica decided that once he became bored with her, which she feared couldn’t be too long now, as she’d already passed the statutory half-dozen dates, she would return to the real world, although she was beginning to wonder if that would now be possible. It so nearly did end after she’d attended a lecture on the art of the English watercolor, and found herself falling asleep. When she woke, the other students were already leaving the lecture theater. She had decided that rather than head back to the flat, she would go straight to Paulo’s apartment.

  She took a bus to Knightsbridge, then ran all the way to Lancelot Place. The doorman opened the door with one hand and saluted with the other as she got into the lift. When she reached the fourth floor, she tapped lightly on Paulo’s door, which was opened by his Brazilian maid. She looked as if she was about to say something, but Jessica brushed past her and headed for the bedroom. She began to tear off her clothes, leaving them in a trail on the floor behind her, but when she entered the room she stopped in her tracks. Paulo was in bed, smoking hash with Avril Perkins.

  Jessica knew that was the moment she should have turned around, marched out, and never looked back, but instead she found herself walking slowly toward them. Paulo grinned as she crawled up onto the bed. He pushed Avril aside, took Jessica in his arms, and pulled off the only garment she was still wearing.

  * * *

  The next letter Jessica received from the Slade was signed by the principal, and had the words “Second Warning” boldly underlined.

  Mr. Knight pointed out that she had missed her last six drawing classes, and had also failed to attend any lectures for over a month. If this continued, he wrote, the board would have to consider withdrawing her scholarship. When Paulo set fire to the letter, Jessica burst out laughing.

  During the following term, Jessica began sleeping at Paulo’s apartment during the day and spending most of her waking life accompanying him to nightclubs. On the rare occasions she and Paulo dropped into the Slade, few people recognized them. She became used to a string of different girls coming and going during the day, but she was the only one who spent the night with him.

  The third letter, which Professor Howard handed to Jessica personally on one of the rare occasions she did get up in time to attend a morning drawing class, could not be ignored. The principal informed her that as she had been caught smoking marijuana on the college’s premises, her scholarship had been rescinded and would be awarded to another student. He added that she would be allowed to remain as a pupil for the present, but only if she attended classes and her work greatly improved.

  Professor Howard warned her that if she still hoped to graduate and be offered a place at the Royal Academy to study for an MA, she would have to build a portfolio of work for the examiners to consider, and time was slipping away.

  When Jessica went home that afternoon, she didn’t show the letter to Claire, who rarely missed a lecture, and had a steady boyfriend called Darren, who considered a visit to Pizza Express a treat.

  * * *

  Jessica made sure that whenever she visited her parents or grandparents, which was becoming less and less frequent, she was always soberly dressed and never smoked or drank in their presence.

  She made no mention of her lover, or the double life she was leading, and was relieved that Paulo had